Friday, December 04, 2009 .

why does things get bad when i thought it's supposed to get better?

is this normal? or is this just the start of worse things?

always looking forward to coming back home to "see" her.

but might end up in something bad.

didnt want to feel this way.

i love you that's why i asked.

i wouldn't have cared if i don't.

--
2:09 AM

Tuesday, November 24, 2009 .

she's the one that makes me happy

she's the one that makes me smile

she's the one that completes my day

she's the one that i want

she's the one that i long for

she's the one that i want to spend the rest of my life with

she's the one that i love.

she's the one that makes me shed tears

she's the one that makes everything invisible

she's the one that makes me think to myself

she's the one that cause sleepless nights

she's the one that makes me ponder

she's the one that makes me feel that i can give up the whole world just for her.

she's still the one that i love.

--
12:22 AM

Friday, November 20, 2009 .

first lonely night after so long.
it's been awhile since i spend the night alone.
wonder how, what is she doing right now.
holding back the thought of texting her something.
even if it's just a 'miss you'
doubt any of us can go through this night.
wishing the future is near so that i would spend every single night fall and sun rises with you endlessly.

now i realise i can't do without you girl.
now i pray hard that we could be forever.
ever.

--
1:40 AM

Sunday, November 08, 2009 .

i dont know how long this is gonna last.
without the sense of security.
dont even know where i stand.
its a hot and cold thing going on.

am i just an accompany?
am i just a tool?
am i even anything to you?

sighs

--
5:22 PM

Sunday, September 20, 2009 .

the feeling to have lose something beats the hell out of me.

sort of having all these deja vu once again.

and if it ever happens again,

i dont know what is gonna happen.

i dont wish to lose you. anytime, forever.

--
10:44 PM

Friday, September 18, 2009 .

now im starting to understand why people want to be single rather than being in a relationship again.
havent been in the best of mood nowadays.getting irritated by the smallest thing even.tried to play it down but sometimes just cant help it.
ask me if i love her and i will say yes for sure.adding on love her alot.but when it comes to patience, it's never there for me.
is this what i want in a relationship?
sometimes i dont understand why she have to say somethin when with me but another when infront of others.
sighs. just wanna rant out watever shit that im feeling.
even all these happen, i do still love her as much as day1.

--
8:04 PM

Tuesday, September 01, 2009 .

almost a month been thru.

it maybe short but loads have happened.

they were meant to be, so i understood and could cherish u more.

always see the stronger side of u in light.

but after tonight,

everything was poured, i could see all in your eyes.

you long to be mine, and i do in return.

it's a promise that i will never break.

i love you.

--
3:13 AM

Monday, August 03, 2009 .

it's another step up my life.
been awhile since ive gotten into a relationship.
hope this one is my last.
been so paranoid about everything after what have happened in the past.

now that i have learnt to cherish what ive got.
will never take things for granted anymore i hope.
please bless this one right now.

2 aug 2009.

--
12:34 PM

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 .

cant even go thru just a short day/night
without the craziness that usually tires me off to sleep.
the ever so fast depleting batteries of my phone,
is now fully charged almost the whole time.

i reckon' im in a serious shit right now.
once i thought being single is the best damn thing.
now that it comes, it just won't go even i try to forget about it.
3 years?am i even able to hold on for that long? i dont know.
after all that had gone through, i seriously am doubting myself.

there must be something going on,
a planned surprise?i really appreciate for your effort.=)
but i wont be a jackass to spoil the plans. just go with the flow.

putri ♥

--
3:14 AM

Wednesday, July 01, 2009 .

hah~!
its just the first night of the whole 3 weeks and im already feeling shit.
just felt like everything's missing.
the sound of your footsteps, the late-night noise that we make.
the sudden turning off of my room lights, the pinching of each other's cheeks.
and ofcourse you yourself.

never thought it would turn out like this. never thought it would make such an impact on me.
but the smell of you in front of me always cheers me up even when im down.
im officially missing you.

--
12:21 AM

Monday, June 29, 2009 .

just wanna vent some stuff out of my mind right now. dont care if u dont understand it.

just wanna say that, it is unnecessary to act like that i think.

we didnt know u were having exam at first. u could have came up to us and told us nicely.

we do understand. we have brains too, fuck.

u shouldnt have punched the wall.. do u even know wat trouble u have gotten us into even?

why do u create even more trouble now? have u thought things thru before doing watever shit that uve done?

fuck off mate.

--
12:30 AM

Wednesday, June 24, 2009 .

finally after ages. im updating this blog again.

been having exams and assignments, eating up my time.

my laziness caused a big trouble too. havent been attending lectures and some tutorials.

2 exams are over,

which means im left with just 1..on thursday, 25th june...

didnt think i did well for the first 2 exams. esp for the first subject.

im afraid i failed that subject because i didnt achieve the required pass for the labs.

ive got only 14 out of 30 marks. sighs..

and the 2nd exam was just shitness, open book but u just cant find the answers in lectures or tutorial notes. which means its the shittiest thing ever. XD

and the last one. which is industrial automation,

thought it was easy at the start of the semester, cos its just PLCs stuff. underestimated it.

never touched lecture notes or tuts until 2 days ago. and i found out there were alot of other kind of things that i have to study.

just hope tmr will be enough to study all. pray for concentration.

things isnt going very well for some things.

dont understand somethings and hope it will turn out just fine.

been thinking of the worst, but i hope it wont happen.

cheers to myself. hah!

(i myself dont even understand wat the hell am i talking about, but heck. XD)

missing the times that ive spent with my mates back in sing.

esp the night outs with my pri sch mates.

really hope i can go back there soon and spend some time with them. =)

my brother too.the one and only ah pui. XD.think he wants to come over to aussie when he's having his holidays. haha!

bet we'll have big shit of fun if he's here. (looking forward)

anyhoo,gonna go study again.

lucks for all people! =)

--
1:09 AM

Monday, April 20, 2009 .

easter's break is finnaly over!
tmr's a new week of uni again. argh. it sucks to the core.
wish if it is holiday allllllll the time. hahaha.
life's gonna be so messed up if it really is. XD

as i said, good and nice things are worthed the wait and hard work,
so that when u finally get it, it's worthed it!! it's so so true.
just imagine, i had my road trip awhile ago, and it was superb!!
but if u were to do it every single day, i reckon' it's gonna be so tiring and boring!

anw, my brain and all is kinda feeling very messed up right now.
that's why i had messeduppieceofshit as my email. cos im always messed up!!
so freakingly easy to be affected by others' feeling. and i really hate it.
people getting moody all of a sudden cos of the end of holidays, im affected by it too.
sometimes there are just more things that i hope that i can do and say to cheer people up.
but it's just will never be enough.

sometimes i think to myself..wat a wasteful life have i been living...
what have i ever done to make my life better? what have i been doing all these while?
what's the purpose of living? what are we living for? and what should i start doing right now?

sighs. i just miss my parents right now..

--
12:26 AM

Saturday, April 11, 2009 .

oh gawd.oh gawd.
suddenly feeling in such a dilemma.
dont know how am i supposed to face it.
dont even know wat should i do about it.

sometimes in life u think u already had all that u wanted,
but at the next morning u realise otherwise..
dear god, please help me solve this situation?
or maybe just give me a clue on wat i should move towards.

--
1:30 AM

Thursday, April 02, 2009 .

omg!

im starting to feel the time passes really slowly.
please fast forward to august!
and let it stop there forever..
for i want to spend the rest of time at that moment.

when it finally come,
let the smiles come pouring in..
be the best of time.
i just cant wait! GROAR. XD

--
2:51 AM

Monday, March 30, 2009 .

just a small update on what's going on with my life.

hmm.let's start off with uni.

lazy as ever i would say. but getting worried bout things here and there.

hope my lazyness wouldnt go worse.(something i have to work on!)

hmm.the semester's moving real fast. it's already week 5!!

almost half of the semester gone already.

time never waits(something i always say in my updates.and its VERY true.)

so, MAKE THE MOST OUT OF YOUR LIFE! =)

have started playing around with photography and photoshop thingy.

it's FUN when my creative juices flow. but when it's not, THINGS DO FRUSTRATE ME ALOT! HAHA! scary eh? XD

my fav and "beach-est" work is being used by someone as a blog backgound! haha.

ohyeah! i got myself a nikon D40 for my birthday present! so happy!! heehee..

was really cheap at that time so got it before the sale is gone.. =P

hmmm.kinda late to continue on writing stuffs.

so gonna go to bed right now! tmr's lessons are early! hope i can wake up XD

tata!

--
11:05 PM

Monday, March 09, 2009 .

last few moments of my "stepping forward" day

no more small boy as of now on. haha!

my feelings of being 21 years old?

hmmm, i still feel as lively and as young and as noisy as always!

it doesnt feel any different at all.

cept that when people ask how old am i,

i would sigh and tell that im 21! wahaha(and give the evil laugh when they tell me i dont look like it. hohohohohohohohoho)

haha!

my first birthday in melbourne with new mates (and they are all indonesians.)

just like usual, birthdays are usually smelly one.

this time round, thankfully i wasnt tied to a tree.

but was showered with rotten food mixed in water and sprite. -.-

the smell could kill anyone i swear.

freaking hell i swear i gonna have a revenge on sumone someday!

at a time i was dreaming of my own 21st birthday party.

it's here finally and its gonna end soon too.

wat a messy entry today. XD

just like my brain.all messed up already.

wished u were here.

--
9:30 PM

Wednesday, March 04, 2009 .

a late night post of a new month.

its so funny how i always contradict myself.

happens every now and then.

tells myself something but ends up otherwise.

is it supposed to be like that? idk.

watever the reason is,

for now wat i hope to have is a lasting one.

its gonna be harder than ever i know, but i will try in every possible way.

i dont want to lose again.

--
12:34 AM

Monday, March 02, 2009 .

feels like whoa!

holidays have ended! at long last.haha.

been slacking almost every single day. ha!

thats wat we always do when we have holidays dont we? =P

the feeling of missing sumone real badly is back again!

it wasnt as bad when i first came to melbourne. haha.

maybe there were other things that i had to worry about when i first came.

argh. this really kills.

tmr's the start of the new semester.

already thinking of the holidays now!haha. =P

--
8:52 PM

Friday, February 13, 2009 .

i am getting bored of writing updates AGAIN.

this update is written because of LAO. XD.

kanasai. got pedro voucher oso never share. XD

wahaha.

anw.im back in singapore already.

after a month of enjoying+suffering+slacking+spending alot of money in indo.

been thru heaven and hell i tell u.(that's just exaggerating)

HELL PART:

heehee.anw on the 2nd day im back there i ate the local nasi padang that was bought somewhere by my maid.

then, that night itself, my stomach got freaking uneasy and spent the night on the toiletbowl.(LAO-SAI-ing that is.)

hmm,the day after wasnt as good either, drank medicines and all but made me felt even weaker.

so had to spend days sleeping. not eating cos i dont have any appetite.

then went to the doctor for a jab in the ASS CHEEK.(made my ass felt numb for awhile.LOL.lucky no shit flew out.XD.)

dammit, i was supposed to feel better after a night sleep but then my stomach still wasnt as well as it should be.(still lao-sai-ing)

anw im too lazy to carry on with the story but well, i still havent fully recovered.

THE HEAVEN PART:

not really the heaven part actually,

it's just how lives in indonesia usually is for the chinese(chinese are known to be more wealthy than the locals.)

had chauffeur to drive me and my cousins around to shop and play.

hmm.bedroom tidied by maid when u wake up. food always ready.dont have to take drinks urself. all the things u can think of done by maids(more like servant).ofcourse leave bathing, washing ur ass after u shit to urself(and other personal stuffs)

life's like that in indo,u've got money, hire a few people to help u do ur chores, and enjoy life.

and their pay is really cheap,say around 1-200 bucks per month i guess.

simply been slacking all the way when im in indo when im supposed to go to my dad's factory and learn. but my stomach didnt let me to. XD

aww gosh. time really flies dont u think.

my 3 months of holiday is almost up.and i'll be going back to melbourne.

sighs.the next time i'll be back will be next year, same time, if i get a job here that is(for internship) urgh.if not i might as well say goodbye to singapore till i have my own money and holiday to come back.

THAT SUCKS.

to think i have to work in around a year's time.SIGH

--
3:26 AM

Sunday, December 07, 2008 .

HELLLLLLLLO WORLD.

it's my 2nd week ++ ive been here in singapore.

this just shows how fast time really flies.

been meeting with people that ive missed.

not all of them tho, everybody's busy with their own stuffs.

hope to meet them more often! XD

anw went to watch a play that shaiful directed,

the usual Yellow Chair productions.

this time its "judgement day"

i would say it has got nice story lines and potentially good actors

BUT, i thought this play was supposed to be a more serious one,

instead of the comical shits.

yes it made the audiences laugh their asses off, but i thought it was just too much.

after that went to mr ahlex's house!!! weeeeee.

after so long, we're back there again. but this time with sherman's newly found lurveeee.

dammit u NBCCB, got girl already then dont want this buddy of urs. XD

anw, both ashley and alex wrote me a song each. teehee.

was... touching.i didnt expect them to do this kind of thingy . thx heaps!

had the usual jamming session. was fun as ever! aww god how i miss those songs.

there were new songs too! tho i didnt come up with one. XD.

ehhh. we even looked thru the photos and videos that we took.

MEMORABLE.

it was indeed the one of the best moments of my life.

hmm.missed them the moment i left them. haha!

this bunch of friends i have is really that fun.

i wish i could,

but we move on with time.

happy memories that we can share.

thx for the memories.

--
3:16 AM

Friday, November 21, 2008 .

1st night back in singapore..

my heart just couldnt stop pumpin, feeling so nervous about meeting everybody.

ive met sherman, ashley and aaron.

feels really nice chatting around with them again.

but this time we couldnt stay up too late because everybody's got their own schedule tmr.

they're all moving on.

im missing the living room+kitchen+dining room madness in dandenong house.

where we would be together with our laptops, surfing facebook, watching vids.

now im here in my old room, AGAIN..dark and lonely(cause my bro and cousin are asleep. XD)

writing all these shits.

SINGAPORE IM BACK!

--
2:06 AM

Monday, November 10, 2008 .

The difference between quality of performers in singapore and in australia.

XD.

FUCKING AWESOME...

Australian Idol

--
5:47 PM

Sunday, November 09, 2008 .

somehow or rather,

my interest in going back singapore faded away.

the die-hard vball enthusiasm seems to fade off together with it.

im sure i will have alot of fun in singapore.

BUT, the others are either in NS or are in school.

weekends are the only time i can meet up with them.

1 of my housemates went back to indo alr.

we wont be housemates anymore when i come back here cos she and 2 others are moving out.

thats not a good thing.

2 new housemates will be moving in tho.

dont know if it'll be as much fun or not.

anw.just a lil update on my side.

still having the exams stress. my last paper's on the 13th.

wish me luck for the last 2 paper.havent been studying really hard.

kinda afraid i wont be able to do the questions.but still.

IM LAZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. XD

--
2:52 PM

Tuesday, October 28, 2008 .

My WISHLISTTTTT:

TOP OF THE LIST WOULD BE GOING TO MANCHESTER!!

DAMN. NOW I REGRET NOT GOING TO UK...

COS AUSSIE SUCKSSSSSS COMPARED TO UK ..XD

LOL.

LETS GO BACKPACKING SOME DAY !!!!!!!

ANYONE?

--
10:28 PM

--
10:07 AM

Saturday, October 25, 2008 .

hmm.
been so busy studying for my exams...
i mean "study" study..
wahaha. been awake till 4 or 5 am almost everyday.
and sleeping till 4 or 5 pm everyday. XD
LOL..this is just so wrong..

was browsing thru the DVDs mr ahlex gave me..
there was vids and photos and such.
made me miss the SPLAT rehearsals and HIHS musical rehearsals so damn much.
then slowly i went thru all the photos i used to take.
rehearsals, with volleyball peeps, poly classmates, FREAK sec school life and the nvr forgettable innocent pri school life..
sighs.i wonder if i will meet those people that i lost contact with again..
even tho wasnt very close to all of them, but life wouldnt be as fun without them as well.XD

i want a roadtrip with my friends so much!! just a get-away from city life and spending days together and stuffs like that.
or or a volleyball camp!! playing volleyball day and night.
I SAW A VID OF OUR VBALL CAMP ON YOUTUBE!!!!
a short on tho..wonder who posted it up..it was so fun!! gosh.
sorry to say but i doubt if we have a volleyball camp with the current players, it wouldnt be as much fun as how it used to be. im sorrrry! i dont know why but i just think so.XD

im getting fat!!! ohmy!! not having a weighing machine at home can be disastrous!!
all the eating and all.i havent been doing much exercise lately!!! goshh..this is so bad.
no wonder my housemates said i look different from my photos even tho they were taken earlier this year!!!!LOL!!!!
i am so D-E-A-D! wahaha.XD

do you miss me? do you miss me?do you miss me??XD

--
1:44 AM

Tuesday, October 14, 2008 .

--
1:51 PM

Monday, October 13, 2008 .

FUCK i cant get it to turn clockwise...
-.-...
my right brain is dead.

--
5:09 PM

Saturday, October 11, 2008 .

1st of all im gonna start this post by saying
TODAY's a GREAT DAY..XD
seeing hot girls almost everywhere i go!! XD
oops.

anw i had a haircut.
its niceeeeeeee.i like it...but i cant spike my hair if my hair is long.
-.-.. that sucks.

lalala.i dont know wat else to say.its 3.24am now and im still here talking crap.
its 3.25am
3.26
3.27
3.28
3.29
3.30

XD. i got nothing better to do.. i guess imma go get some rest..
OHYA..i bought a cap, a shirt and a polo tee today too!!
fun day i would say.lalala.

--
12:17 AM

Tuesday, October 07, 2008 .

omy omy omy.
i received my first ever credit card.XD
ITS A CREDIT CARD NOT A DEBIT CARD...WAHAHAHA
YAY!!!!=x
so fun..
ebay here i come! XD.LOL

anw, ive moved to my new place for about 4 days now.
been alright.cept smaller room, have to share the place with more people,
and fucked up(MATURE CONTENT WARNING.XD) internet connection.really.argh..
new housemates are lovely too.=)
more indonesians! damn..im improving my indo instead of english over here!
hahaha.maccas is right opp my place!cool eh..wahaha.supper supper and more supper!XD.

i guess its time to take up another sport now!
vollyball isnt really very popular here.(WHY WHY WHY..)
i'll.....improve on my skating!!XD.slalom and slides!!
bought a bag that can hold my skates..gonna skate once in awhile at the nearby park after sch sometime..
argghh. think gonna stop here. needa finish up my assignment.
ciao..

--
9:02 PM

Wednesday, October 01, 2008 .

Oh-My-God.
just by scrolling down my blog,
it shows how much time has really passed..
i had a blog since sec 4, during the euro cup season,
i remembered updating my blog with all the results and shits.

then this blog came when something unpleasant happened.
i felt really silly reading all the stupid things that i wrote.
i swear to myself that i wont ever be that person that i used to be again.
at that period of time, i promised myself to be a much better volleyball player.
did i achieve that?i dont know.i cant remember how badly or how good i was before that.

then after 3 months, the beauty of life re-appeared.
that didnt last long tho, still isnt really sure, but i nvr regreted anything.
sweet memories i guess, thinking back about it makes me smile sometimes.
didnt really have anything to be sad about.

life still went on as usual, and i remembered getting close to many great people, whom are so far now a bunch of the many real good friends i have.
not one, but many of them, i would never had gotten this close to them if all those things didnt happen at all.

3 months..
its been almost 3 months ive been spending my time in australia.
to be honest, im not as happy as i used to be!
thx to the exemption ive got, ive missed so many things that could have happened in uni life.
for the 1st time i dont belong to any club! HOW SAD IS THAT. argh. no activities after classes, small group of friends.
im so missing the life in NYP, where friends are all over!! XD

but i aint gonna give up yet tho.ive found out RMIT has got a volleyball team!
and im gonna go for the trials and join the team AND GO FOR COMPETITION!!!!!!!!!!
XD..i so want to do it badly.Australian University Games 2009 here i comeeeeeeee

--
11:05 PM

LOL!!!!
BE WARNED... THIS BLOG CONTAINS ADULT CONTENTS..XD

THIS IS SO FUNNY..XD.

--
6:43 PM

Saturday, September 27, 2008 .

just some random post..

2 of my fav dance routine from SYTYCD season 4.

extraordinarily COOL costume!!

my 2 fav dancers, twitch and courtney WITH MY FAV SONG !! XD

--
4:59 PM

I BET ITS SO HAPPENING IN SINGAPORE RIGHT NOW!!!
F1 RACE IS IN SINGAPORE DAMMIT...
WHY WHY WHY..
i cant even see the track myself...damn...
by the time im back in sing, everything will be taken down i guess?
ANYBODY WENT TO WATCH??? SEND ME PICTURES CAN???XD

i cant wait..i cant wait..i cant wait..i cant wait..
I CANT WAIT TO GET MY HANDS ON MY BIKEEEEEEEEE.
FYI, i bought a 2nd hand bike for 500 bucks..
which would have costed me 2k+ if i bought a new one.
OMG...i cant wait... XD.

sighs..30th oct would be my 1st paper, 12th nov-2nd paper, 13th nov-last paper...
i cant go surfing!!! damn..stupid exams...aRGH.

--
12:25 AM

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 .

yet another "I CANT SLEEP" post.

uni life has been really hard, much harder than i thought it could be.

things no longer go like how poly used to work.

no more lexturers scolding you, chasing you for assignments, etc.

everything has to be done BY YOURSELF.

nobody to remind you(cept your friends).

the most ridiculous thing is that labs arent taught anymore.

you have to find ur own way to do it!!

tutors wont even tell u if its correct or not. gahh.

and for every lab u have to do a report. DAMN! that sucks real bad..

somehow or rather for the first few weeks i managed to cope with things.

just because the things to do are still the basics..

I CANT DO LABS MYSELF ANYMORE. wahaha.im so stupid.. i have to check the internet for solutions myself. argh...(this happens if ur friends doesnt understand too)

XD.

AND THE WORST THING IS THAT I HAVE EXAMS IN A MONTH TIME!!!!

i havent started preparing..GOOD LUCK to me-lazy-bum.

--
10:33 PM

Sunday, September 14, 2008 .

weeks after weeks after weeks.
starting tmr, its week 8 already..
ive been in melbourne for 2 months!!
gosh, cant believe its so fast..

i reckon exams are in week 13..
5 weeks to DOOM. i havent really prepared myself for anything.
just like usual, i will wait till a week to exams before i start studtying. XD
lazy lazy lazy..

1/2 more month and i will be moving out to another house..
hope house mates will be still as friendly..=D

--
9:36 PM

Friday, August 29, 2008 .

so not a good day at all for me..
it's one of the days where actually everything that goes around me,
is just annoying.
watever that is supposed to be annoying in the first place,
GETS EVEN MORE ANNOYING.

argh.there're always these kind of days..i hate this.
why cant there be something to cool me down.
even as i type this entry, i am hitting my keyboard so hard that i think its gonna break into 2.
freaking hell.
XD. bad mood bad mood bad mood.
ITS ALL BECAUSE OF THE STUPID INTERNET MONTHLY LIMIT!!!
IVE REACHED MY LIMIT AND THEF REAKING INTERNET IS DAMN SLOW.

--
12:25 AM

Friday, August 22, 2008 .

alright...
so ive been watching this comedy tv series show that i got from my friend
IT WAS AWESOMEEEEEE..
seriously best tv series ever!!my favourite right now.
i've finished watching the WHOLE 3 series of it.
NOT MISSING ANY episode. XD.. how cool it is? yeah? yeah?
it's "How i met your mother"
title's weird, didnt want to watch it at first..
but yeah, i got hooked the moment i watch the very first episode.
its about this dad telling a story to his kids(which is also the viewers),
his story of how he met his mom..hmmm.BUT,
the more imp part of the story is about this bunch of 5 friends,
well, it was 4 but 1 came in slightly later.
having gatherings at the bar everytime chit chatting bout fun stuffs and their life.

seems a really cool thing to do yeah?
yeah, i hope i will have that kind of life too. thats the best kind it could get.=)

anw, i wanted to introduce about this guy named Barney stinson in the show.
HILARIOUS GUY.not the main character, but leaves a freakin deep impression i tell u.
(the best part is that i found out that he is gay when im searching for these videos im gonna post.)
SUCKS big time.i mean, he doesnt act like he's a gay a single bit.
here's my fav phrase of the whole show.

It's Gonna Be LEGEN- wait for it - DARY!!!

late at the show, barney lost his "wingman" to pick up girls so when he got this new guy..
(This is so not the way u do it.. HILARIOUS.if u watch the show.)

LOL..anw, check this show out if u have time yeah??
big big recommendation from ME.

--
11:21 PM

Sunday, August 10, 2008 .

TADAH!
im finally here again.LOL.

aniway, its been 3 weeks++ that im here in melbourne!
im starting to love this place more, (that is if i have a car! XD)
because... the nearest bus stop to my house is 15 (fast)walk away!!
darn!! every morning i have to wake up so freaking early to go campus.
AND MY CAMPUS IS IN THE CITY...
WHICH MEANS ITS AN HOUR JOURNEY THERE!!! URGH..
sucks.

tmr's monday.. back to studying again..
i will be having my mid semester exam soon..
in around 2weeks time..(1 semester here only consist of 13 weeks).
arghh.im so not prepared!!

been thinking of transfering to another uni which is nearer to my house.
but if i do transfer, i dont think i can grad in 2 years time..sighs.
HOW HOW HOW!?!?!?!?!?

DIE...my parents sure kill me.XD

I WANT TO MIGRATE HERE NEXT TIME AFTER I EARN BIG BUCKS!!
THIS IS HOW NICE THIS PLACE IS!!
I WANT A BIG HOUSE WITH BIG GARDEN WITH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
LOL..AND ENJOY MY LIFE! WOOOOOO
IM GETTING CRAZY..HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
LOL

--
10:19 PM

Wednesday, August 06, 2008 .

its 6th of august!
which means winter's gonna be over soooooooooooon!!
yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
for now i HATE winter to the core..
it makes one become lazy to wake up in the morning.
especially crawling out of warm bed!
URGHHH

LOL!

--
5:31 PM

Wednesday, July 30, 2008 .

its been ?? days since im here in aust.
haha.i seriously cant be bothered to count it. really.
almost 2 weeks i guess? sighs.

at first everything looked fine and all.
i was fine being alone and all.
i was kinda irritated when my mum worried so much bout me.
duh..she's my mum afterall, i cant blame her.
now that im all alone, i miss the feeling of being with a family. XD
fidel, chester, harvey, and my brother, kervin. used to be the 'stress reliever'.XD
i used to feel much better after playing around with them or stuffs like that.

HIHS musical songs just keep looping in my head.
lalala.
i need to find sumthing to kill time.
give me suggestions!!! XD

--
10:35 PM

Friday, July 18, 2008 .

last night over here in singapore.
kinda excited bout going over tho.
hmm.but dont worry. i'll miss every single one of u guys.=)
thx for the nice memories

--
1:40 AM

Tuesday, July 15, 2008 .

fate...

is this my fate,

to be lonely

like so?

is it my fate,

to feel this way?

fate...

fate in my

eyes is why im stuck

like this, it was

my fate to love you

so.

morgan evans

--
1:45 PM

Sunday, July 06, 2008 .

it's over..

the so-look-forward-ed gathering with the cast from HIHS musical is now over.

it's always so fun being around them, their laughters never fail to make me smile.=)

he's out..

my pri sch friend, namely chen zhenting has finally booked out and met up with us.

he lost his ever-so-long hair already!XD. and to be honest, he really slimmed down quite abit.

he's going in..

one of my best buds, sherman foo zhi yuan, is finally going in to NS this coming wed.

like we were saying, i would look forward to go to australia to study if he goes tgt.

THERE'LL BE CHAOS I TELL U. XD.

i would still want to be involved in musical productions in the near future.

SHAIFUL, MR AHLEX !! i want to be a part of it!! wait for me to come back yea!?

this period of time has taught me to really treasure friendships..

it will need a pair of hands to make a clap.

just like friendship, both parties must make an effort in order to keep it going.

--
7:33 PM

Thursday, July 03, 2008 .

feeling damn fucked up now.

got woken up by miss calls and smses from my mum.

dont know wat she wants from me again. so i didnt answer them.

she called thru house phone and made my uncle wake me up.

the first thing she asked me was "why are u so irresponsible?"

nothing i could recall..

i seriously dont know wat the hell she wants from me.

yesterday i told her that i could get tickets for 18th july. i booked them and confirmed it.

this morning she told me to get tickets for 14th july, fine enough. tho i didnt understand why she wants me to change the date over and over again.

at first i got tickets for 16th july for myself. then after i confirmed my tickets, she told me to book 2 more tickets for her and my dad. so since 16th july slot is full, i had to get 18th july.

in the end she called me in the morning shouting at me about changing the date to 14th

bah. damn fuckedup.now she wants me to stick to 18th of july.

seriously got no idea wat the hell is she thinking.

--
11:17 AM

Sunday, June 29, 2008 .

at long last,

everything has ended..

the HIHS "i want to be a star" musical was a BIG success..

the feeling of seeing the kids performing at their best..

is unbelievable.. all the welling up of eye bags.

i couldn't help it..

they are the star tonight, and im feeling so happy for them.

we all hate it when it comes to the end of the production,

"why does it have to end so early", asked the kids.

sighs. i wanted it to go on forever too if that is possible.

call me emo boy or watsoever. HA!

im starting to miss their laughters already.=(

i so love the kids! =(

this is wat im left with for the memories..

--
1:08 AM

Friday, June 27, 2008 .

hmm..

i hate time.

i waits for no one. how selfish can it be.

sighs.

its 2.41 am friday 27th of june.

today will be the last day of rehearsals with the HIHS kids.

tmr is the big day for everybody!!

gosh.everybody's feeling the heat yo!!

to think about it, this production started some time in march.

from strangers to friends.. the journey have been really stressful for some.

namely alex, the director, miss shaedah, the music director..

sighs.loads of things happened during these 3 months, and ive seen the kids grow.

from some lovely kids into a well-prepared "performer"..

its been real nice working with them.. lots of fond memories..

im beginning to love musical productions even more.

all the things that u learn from it, really unexplainable.

if there is 1 wish that i could make,

i would want to work with mr alex wang in a full production again..=)

i'll wait for the day to come.

--
2:48 AM

Sunday, June 08, 2008 .

sighs.

FUN always ends in a flash.

its another day closer to me leaving singapore.

counting down period will begin real soon.

date me out pleaseeeeeeeeeee.

hahaha.

sighs.

--
4:20 AM

Saturday, May 31, 2008 .

here i am again..(while u guys who read my blog will be thinking "not again?")

i know..im always here again..

almost every single night, i would spend my time in front of my computer,

doing nothing but surfing the net, hoping to find something to read about.

say, updates on other people's life, sports update or watever shits.

its always the same!! the "signed in yet so quiet msn"

i HAVE so many contacts in my msn, but seriously, i think i only talk to a handful of people.

hmmm, unfriendly? guess i just dont have THAT much thing to talk about.

spends time with myself thinking bout things..

at this very moment i see myself change ALOT in a year's time..

a few days before my 19th birthday,i was spending my 1st few days in my fyp lab,

at that time, i just broke up with my ex girlffriend..

"hell" is wat i describe it ..

i wont want to get back into that state i swear..

its then i met my fyp mates, namely sherman, whom im closest to.

after all those babe hunting sessions, magic performances, heart to heart talks.

watever..it sounds kinda gay i think.=x

a lot memorable moments i had in that short 1 year time i must say..

*takes in a deep deep breath...

time really flies..

i miss those study times, i miss those dating times, i miss those training times...

i am gonna miss alot of people..people who made my life brighter.

--
2:57 AM

Thursday, May 29, 2008 .

believe it or not..
im looking forward to go to australia..
i dont know why..this is some weird feeling i have.

for the first time in my life i really have accepted the fact that im leaving my friends.
ALL my friends. life's gonna be so different over there.
sighs..people will miss me (i hope..XD) haha. im sure i will miss everyone too.
all those fun and all those shits that happened..

now i really have 1 big big wish or dream that i hope it will come true in time..
i will quickly finish up my studies in aus, which is 2 years.
then i will go back indo to start my business and earn bucks!
by the time i hit 30 years old, i would have enough money to migrate over to say australia or some other place..
at that period of time, i REALLY REALLY hope that all my friends will come and join me there and start our own business..
well, that's just my big big dream..
not everybody will migrate over, but hopefully most of them will..
like how we planned..=)

im working towards that day..finally i know wat i want in life and wat i aim for..
and i kinda like this feeling for now..
let's see wat happens in 10 years time..=)

--
2:45 AM

Wednesday, May 28, 2008 .

had a big tiff with my aunt yesterday..

okay..so things went like this.
i lent my DS to my cousin months ago, telling him that he have the responsibility to take care of it.
and now when i need it back, they cant find it.
my aunt tried to protect my cousin by saying that my brother took it and didnt return it back.
when he actually never have touched the DS..
freaking annoyed, cos everytime things get missing, the 1st person my aunt suspect would be my brother.
she's being freaking unreasonable,
for the 1st time in these years i shouted back at her trying to protect my brother..
feeling damn fucked up..
dont know wat my brother owed her..but she always complains bout my brother.

hmm.
when adults get unreasonable, the young always have to bear with them..
my patience have it's limits too.. u went too overboard this time..

--
2:46 AM

Thursday, May 15, 2008 .

are you even listening?!?
when u ask me wat i long to be ??
i would say i want to be a star, i want to be a happy man leading a simple life,
i want to be someone to live life happily with my friends...
do you even care??

you would just tell me that why be a star??
being a star doesnt earn u much..
you would just tell me that why lead a simple life??
do you want to work under other people??
you would just tell me that why need old friends??
you can always make new friends back in indo..

all the answers i give you, will never satisfy you...
the one and only thing that u wanna listen is that,
"i want to take over your company, make your company even bigger and earn hella loads of money"

the what's the point of asking me wat do i long to be..
and to think you would always say that no matter wat i choose, you would support me.
hah. wat a joke, wat controversy..

you know ive been doing performances for a period of time,
have you ever asked how is the performance??
have you ever asked can you watch it??
i doubt that even came across your mind..
i can so clearly see the picture of myself in your head..
im wearing a suit, with a master's in engineering, swimming in a pool of cash.
i hate it when u always think about money.
sighs.

wat can i do?? to choose watever is a better choice..
i have only 1 dad and 1 mum in this life..
if i ever disappoints them, who else is going to take the responsibility??
friends? sighs.i love you guys as much as i do love my parents.
please understand me.

--
12:33 AM

Friday, May 09, 2008 .

ended another day of work.
was working at M1 paragon..the store damn big la!but there were only samsung booth. -.-
sales was kinda bad today.not really many ppl buying phones today as they're waiting for the weekend offers..
tmr's another day of work.will be at bugis roadshow..
hope it will be okay..

mum called me up and asked about the Uni reply.
told her bout NTU's rejection. can hear that she was kinda disappointed.
seriously affected my mood now.feeling so moody and down.
dont know wat i should do too..this sucks.
arhhh..dammit.. someone tell me wat to do..

just had an argument with my mum.
most of it is my fault i understand..i didnt do any back up plan or watever.
if only u will understand wat i want to tell u..
"taking over ur business is not wat i wish for."
"ive been quietly leading the life u want me to without having much compaints."
"i have just always wanted to be wat i want to be and not wat u want me to be."
"ive always been under pressure all these while."
"i just want to be me."

--
10:42 PM

Sunday, May 04, 2008 .

weeeeeeeeee..
im gonna be rich for this month la!!(not very much, but still earning money!)
1st and formost im getting my cheque for the night job at fort canning with sherman.
2nd, im currently working as a samsung phone promoter.
3rdly, i'll be involved in a sony ad photoshoot my director is taking..
4thly im being paid for my performances..
5th, i will be helping out at HOM(hear of musicals)..

weeeeeeeeeee..the start of may has been damn good!!!
never have i been so packed for the whole month before.XD
anw im currently at suntec singtel roadshow..
working there have been tiring but really fun..
loads of new friends, loads of crap talking to customers!
damn..if only i get my Uni reply...WHY ARE THEY TAKING SO LONG!!!
argh...so scared that i cant make it.sighs.

sighs.somethings are just meant to be.
i just have to accept it as it is. i've got nothing to regret too..
i already tried my best..

tmr will be the last day working for the singtel roadshow.
feeling kinda sad that i wont be talking crap with them anymore..
somehow or rather i could feel sumthing from some of them.
hmm..sorry yea.i just dont know how to react to that.

--
12:42 AM

Thursday, April 24, 2008 .

as i walked the walkway..
faint memories of school days struck me..
i can still hear the laughters of my classmates..
i can still feel the eagerness to perform well in competitions..
but just as i come to realise,
i am already a graduate of nanyang poly..

three years just passed like a sec..
im missing all my friends.

--
12:27 AM

Saturday, April 19, 2008 .

it all started off with planning of throwing one of the emcees for club crawl 2008 in to the pool.....

then the swimming pool became a warzone! Haha!!
people were thrown into the pool.. both the dry and WET ones.(meaning they're pushed down into the pool countless times.XD)
damn happening la..the whole bunch of us were just aiming for people to throw into the pool.
not the freshies of course. but i bet they were damn scared too.XD

it's been a really fun event..=)
club crawl has always been a fun event for all! =DD
an event where we make new friends, have fun and ofcourse advertising ur own clubs.

fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun
and more fun.XD
will never forget this day.=)

--
2:25 AM

Saturday, April 12, 2008 .

so here i am again.
writing nonsensical stuffs that are running thru my mind..
5.17 am..
when people are struggling to get out of the comfy bed..
im here writing all these stuff..(WTF?)
yea, i know..its crazy..but everytime i lie on my bed, i just cannot stop thinking..
must be thinking wats all the things that're keeping me awake uh?
just stupid thoughts of mine..
something like... wats going thru her mind right now?
how is she doing?
blah blah blah..

life doesnt suck at all.
instead im enjoying my life more than i used to be when i was attached.
i am VERY confused right now..
to go? or not to go for it??
i dont wanna get attached and dedicate my time for a girl,
on the other hand,
i just wanna to be with her..
its called the CONTROVERSY, dammit!!

well, things seems to be fine in the other part of my life.
im now an ATD for a musical play "i want to be a star"for HIHS 50th anniversary.
for your info ATD = assistant to director..
and, i might even be a part of the new company that my director gonna start.
well, if i were, i would have to specialise in something to be able to help.

sighs, why cant everything go fine for me?
bwahaha.im freaking greddy ain't i? =P
think i'll just have to talk to her about it.bleah. make a time for it..

--
5:15 AM

Friday, April 11, 2008 .

sighs.
i guess it isn't working out as i thought i would be.
kinda feeling down but happy at the moment..
weird uh. i thought so too.
affected by it?? hell yeah.. but i guess i just have to stop thinking too much about it.
and move on of course!
sighs.

trying too hard isnt the way how its supposed to be lah i guess..
haha, silly me.. im still having hopes that things might just suddenly make a 180 deg turn.
and everybody is happy =)).hahaha.
hmmm..
anw... like wat i said, no matter wat happens, dont ever let it affect ur happiness! smiles always=)

--
2:15 AM

Monday, April 07, 2008 .

so i spent the whole day at home today..
guai right!! hahaha.didnt spend a single cent today!! weee!!
im saving money ..=))

been thinking for the whole day luh.
so ive come to a conclusion..that is.. to let nature takes its own course!
i've been trying too hard(i thought) to make things happen.
so i guess its time for me to slow down my pace a lil.
and maybe blahblahblah. i ain't gonna say too much of details in here.
ask me if u wanna know..i'll see if i wanna tell u or not.=PpP

a gallery of photos taken during MR.AHLEX's birthday..(fun!)
http://family.alex-wang.com/Gallery/v/Alex_Birthday_2008/

--
2:48 AM

Sunday, April 06, 2008 .

so finally im back into my own space, my own room, my table, in front of my own fav past time(my computer.=P)
it's been really a busy week for me and some of my friends.
it seemed like everything got squeezed all together into a week.
SPLAT - touring schools to perform early in the morning. DAMN, we have to reach sch at 6.30?
my parents are in town for that short 3 days 2 nights.
HIHS "i want to be a star" rehearsals..
alex's birthday.
a meet up with her.

so, i spent most of my nights over either at sherman's place or alex's...
so i hope u kinda understand why im finally back at my own place..
busy i may be, i had fun.=)
then i came to realise i havent been to trainings for awhile alr..sighs. can i have more time a day?
next week's trainings are on monday, tuesday and thursday...
hope i can make it for all.=))

things been going fine for me and her..(that's what i thought.and i still hope it is)
sherman, i thought about what u told me luh. and i think it's correct to some extend.
im just trying to hold on to what i believe in.it ain't easy coming all the way to this stage.
to contradict myself, im having a mixed feeling.
DARN!!why does this happen.

argh..wat am i doing seriously??
im just being an asshole here..
just hafta make a choice..

--
2:24 AM

Friday, March 21, 2008 .

“Nothing More” Jules

Is there nothing more to life
Than shampoo and guys?
Is this all there is to life?

Is there nothing more to me
Than what people see?
Is this all that I am

I don’t want to be… who I am anymore
There’s got to be more in life to live for
Life won’t always be… so easy and nice
Sometimes, someone you know… dies

I don’t want to live… live this life anymore
There were times for fun, but now those times are done
Is this all I am… the one and only ah lian?
What if, I said, I wanted to be more?
Is there nothing more?

Maybe I have got it all wrong
This thing about life and living
Maybe what they say is all true
That life’s not something you can sleep through

I don’t want to be… who I am anymore
There’s got to be more in life to live for
I hope it’s not too late… to step on the brakes
Stop, think, turn my life around

I don’t have to… live this life anymore
There’s so much more in life to live for
I’m gonna be… somebody someday
That’s right, I’m gonna start… today
Today.

“Believe” Jules & Jules’ Mum

Jules:
It seems like only yesterday
When I was trying just to find my way
In a world that doesn’t understand me

Jules’ Mum:
I was once like you, young and confused
Never knowing just what I should choose
I’ve made so many mistakes in my life

I never thought I’d have a chance to be free

Jules:

I never believed anyone could ever love me
Jules’ Mum:
Just believe… like I believe in you
In everything you do
‘Cause I know you’re better than who you think you are

Jules:
Just believe… like I believe in you
What you said to me is true
‘Cause I see the pain that life has put you through

Jules’ Mum:
No matter where life will take you
I know that you will more than survive
‘Cause I believe in you

Jules:
I believe in you

Together:
I believe in you

--
7:19 AM

Saturday, March 15, 2008 .

hmmm.
went to catch step up 2 this afternoon.
it was nice!! at least for me.liked their dance..
been wanting to get dance lessons or sumthing like that..
but was lacking the company.=(
no matters..

as most of u have known, thx to sherman, ive been exposed to musical theatre stuff.
or shld i say sumthing related to that and get to know nice people..
i dont know but im always in luck.i get to mmet all the nice people..=)
its really been fun i shld say..
just by listening to their dreams and watever they wanna do,
really makes me wanna go further on with them tgt..
but yea.. just as sherman and i said, reality slaps u right in the face..
it's really not easy to be working in that industry...
bahh.. dont wanna get too emotional with anything. so i shall stop the stuffs here.

hmm.heard loads of life experiences from the others,
made me feel im the luckiest person around..
i rarely get into big problems, be it with people or with work or watever it is..
happy-go-lucky as they say i am?? i dont know, but i guess its true to some extend.
watever it is, i would not wanna miss any chance of working tgt with them in the near future.
=).

--
3:58 AM

Wednesday, March 12, 2008 .

sighs.. im getting tired again.
this is like one of the days where ure so damn tired, u feel like giving up everything.
i kinda like got bored of life.i suddenly lost the meaning of living this life.
there's like.. no motivation for me to work the hell outta me..
time's passing by so quickly.then eventually it will come to a time when alot of my friends will be serving NS.
and i will soon get my reply from NUS and NTU.

i so wanna take a break..away from this busy , fast-paced life..
to a slow, relaxing week by the sea..how cool can that be.XD

ive been wasting my LIFE sleeping and doing watever shit that ive been dreaming of doing now.
give me some time.after im done with all these craps.
i'll be back to the life YOU wanted me to live.
sorry but im not trying to accuse u for that. i know its for my own good.
but cant i take a rest and enjoy my last few years of teenage before i actually go into working life?

sighs..to be honest, u shld try putting urself in my shoe..
imagine going back to indo, and leaving ur friends back here in singapore.
and wat am i supposed to do back there?
wake up in the morning, go to office, factory, learn how things goes.
and sooner or later i'll be running the business..
seriously this is wat i've always wanted to tell you.
"if u didnt send me here to study, i would have friends all over in jakarta by now.
u want me to take over the company? no problem man.sure will.."
"but now that ive spent almost more than half of my life here, ive lost contact with all my childhood friends there. and now my friends are really here in singapore."
"u said. family is more important than friends. i agree with that, sure i do.
but can u imagine if i were to go back and work, wat would my life be like??"

sighs.. i dont know wat else to explain to u mum, dad.

--
2:17 AM

Sunday, March 09, 2008 .

heh! a happy birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
weee!!!
finally!! =))
im 20!! which means im getting old alr.
hahahaha..

aniwaes.. thx Aaron,Ahblack,Alex,Hongzhou,Jason,Jiajing,Kennedy to be with me on my birthday eve.. was a rel fun day man!!
tho everybody go so dirty and smelly..=)))

--
1:05 AM

Sunday, March 02, 2008 .

kay..so finally after the cramped schedules of rehearsals..
the musical play has finally ended.
hooray for the success of "Blue Willow House"
urgh the photos are'nt with me. will be posting them up when i get it for memories.=)
fun production indeed. get to meet really good singers like ashley(sherman's sis) , juz for his powerful voice, dhania for her superbly nice voice.^^
hip hip hooray! i will miss those guys for sure.
sorry didnt invite anybody for the play cos when i wanted to it was kinda late alr.hee, oops

another one's coming up REAL soon. its called "I Want To Be a Star"
so far the confirmed cast are : ME(as joe), Ashley(as joe's mum), Sherman(as joe's teacher).
i'll be singing in this one!!weeeeeeeeee.so happy=DD
dont know if i can invite poeple to the musical cos i think it will be a short one and will be acted in schools. we're like gonna have a tour of a few schools. cool uh!

ohya.have to thank Mr.ALEX WANG for everything.=)

“Me” Joe
I’m always hearing people tell me
“This is who you ought to be”
Everybody seems to know where I should go
Who I should be

I’m always seeing people who live
Lives according to what others say
Everybody’s trying to be somebody
Like somebody they know

Will I truly be happy if I became
That person who you wanted me to be
But I thought life has no guarantees
Shouldn’t who I be, be left up to me?

I don’t know who I am or who I’m gonna be
I know that I’ll be somebody great… but not today; you’ve got to wait
‘Cause today, I’m still confused about who I’m gonna be
Though it seems like everybody knows

I don’t know who I am or who I’m gonna be
But I’m not letting that stop me from going to see
What this life has to offer, every possibility
‘Cause in the end, I’m not everybody
I just have, just have to be me.

--
2:00 AM

Monday, February 25, 2008 .

its been awhile after my exams ended.
have been spedning my days out almost everytime.
wont be able to find me at home much, except my sleeping times.=P
heehee.
for some other thing, it also has been going on for some time.
i dont know if it's going on the right track or not,
but i guess there's a slight improvement?? i guess?
i dont know ar!!sigh.

dont let it affect me dont let it affect medont let it affect me.
i'll still be ME watever happens.lalla.

birthday's coming real soon..
but all those things that i thought could be planned just cant go on.
cos the chalets are all fully booked.sucks.
dont know wat i gonna do on that day too.SIAN NESS

my new WISHLIST: (muahahaha)

--
10:33 PM

Tuesday, February 19, 2008 .

anw to that sumone:
hmm. if ure reading this,
i guess u might understand somethings about anonymous.
it's not that i don't know..
it's not that i'm lazy to ask..
hmm. i really dont know if i should say this or not.
cos from wat i learned,
there isnt anything called dont care or ignore..
unless that person really hates u to the core..
hmm.im quite sure she wont do that to u..
if it really comes to the worst, she still treats u as a friend, right?
this is wat i always tell myself,
"don't put too much hopes to things, let nature takes its own course, and get prepared for the worst."
u will have some upset times for sure. really really have to try and overcome it urself.
like how i did previously.
dont let this affect too much on ur life. try and enjoy urself.
do things u like to forget, or maybe write all ur feelings down somewhere.
it helps.
just wish all the best to everyone, esp u.=))
smiles!!

--
4:10 AM

Sunday, February 17, 2008 .

What a day i would say..
finally, a day out with my beloved team-mates..
was G-R-E-A-T..
all those time ive been keeping myself at home,
all those time ive been keeping my mouth shut,
trying to squeeze infos into my brain.....
i simply cant stand it anymore.. XD
it was a day of noise and fun visiting one another's house.
=)

Celebrations one after another at Old Trafford when i reached home.
supposedly a big FA cup 5th round match..
Manchester United - Arsenal.
u know it, i know it, everybody knows it..
was goals galore for Red Devils..
final result : 4 - 0

Go Go manchester United..Win the trebble again!

Cant wait for training to start.

Cant wait to get my driving license.

*immissingyou

--
3:32 AM

Thursday, February 14, 2008 .

and i hereby announce that i'll be free in 16 hrs.
last paper tmr...
and i dont have the mood to study at all!!
die.

--
6:51 PM

got bored of studying!!
really really so f-ed up..
tmr's my paper but i know im gonna lose 15 marks for sure..
wat a hint the lecturer gave.JENNY U FUCK UP SHIT.
why dont just ask us to memorise the whole book of hundres of pages.
her hint :
"there will be one 15 mark question, from either tutorial 12 or tutorial 13."
ok, so a tut consists of 6 questions.
sadly to say, these 2 tuts are fully theory..
the worst thing is that, i tried writing the answers for each of the questions down on foolscap.
guess wat, it took me 2++ hours, JUST TO COPY the answers from the text book.
EVERY SINGLE QUESTION ANSWER TAKES UP ALMOST 2 PAGES!!

darn..ask me to memorise so much things just for that 15 marks??
dream-on..even if ANYONE tried, no one would get the full 15 marks i guess.
JENNY U SUCK TO THE CORE.

--
2:33 AM

Monday, February 11, 2008 .

spent chinese new year with my family back in my country.
wat a new year i would say..
been raining heavily days before the chinese new year and places were flooded.
my cousin even came over to my place to stay cos their area was flooded up to chest level.
how MAGNIFICENT.
ive never seen a flood of that high before.even till now.
anw, luck was good enough and the flood went away a day or two before my flight back.
ohya, i forgot that my passprt expires on 10th jan 2008 and i almost couldnt fly back to indo.
heehee.how careless..lucky didnt get fined as an illegal immigrant .=P
was settled at the airport and i could fly back to get my angbaos!haha.

life in indo is really nice..ohyea.i might be going back again soon for my driving license!
heehee..think 1 month is wat i need to get an international license from there.
get a private guy and have lesson every single day.=x
NICEE..

anw.my total angbao was in millions of rupiah.LOL.
i lost some of my ang bao..hah.got stolen by some kids that went to my room during their visit.
urgh.nvm.=)

tmr's exam day..and i havent prepared much..DIE.
must chiong alr...and i havent applied for Uni!
soon sooon.

arghhhhhh.exams just suck

misses

--
10:57 PM

Sunday, January 27, 2008 .

exam starts tmr for some...
best of luck for all!! =))
better not fail hor!!! hhaha..dont repeat!!=X

cant biliv poly life's gonna end soon..
3 years in there's been fun.
loads of happening around..
loads of growing up done..

but some things just dont change..
my name's still DENNY! HAHA.
still the messeduppieceofshit..
still the WAT.A.NABE..

ciao to study!

--
10:51 PM

Thursday, January 24, 2008 .

exam date is nearing!! zomgosh!!
which means im graduating soon too.
urghh..i seriously dont have any mood to study now.
im having like piles and piles of un finished assignment..
all to be handed in before the semester end..
guess i'll have to stay at home this weekend to finish up everything..

i wanna get my Wii back!!
i sent it for a mod and havent gotten it back yet.
its been a week alr..when when when when when when when can i get it?!?
i wanna play all the games!!!=X

hmmm..hafta start saving money for the coming holiday.
lalala.

wishes*

--
11:27 PM

so i had some spare time,
and so i went to search for (pursuit of happyness) (yea it's spelled that way.)
it's a movie that i wanted to watch like ages ago..
nice movie..really..super touching..
esp when he finally got that job, he was tearing while thanking the bosses.
i wish every dad in the world would be like him.
chris gardner is his name..

--
2:20 AM

Saturday, January 19, 2008 .

thai trip confirmed..
=))
shop till i drop!! hahhaa.

birthday wishes!!! i know its still like 2 months away, but i cant wait for it to come..=P
gonna turn 20 years old so let me have 20 wishes pleaseeeeee.
haha.

1)TO GET INTO NUS OR NTU!!!((then i can have my own mazda3..woohoo!)
2)driving license!!(then i can drive my own car!!hahaha.)
3)for the others to be as lucky as me.(im so lucky to have almost everything i want, so i hope everybody can have wat they want.=) )
4)to keep in contact with all my friends!!(they're the ones that add colours to my life.)
5)stay in singapore even after i graduate.(sighs.taking over a company?? i dont think im up to it.just wanna live a simple life.)
6)less stress!! (i dont wanna get old too fast.=P )
7)my parent's business to get better (so they dont have to work that hard..its been almost 20 years.)
8)my room to be tidier (it's a MESS!!)
9)continue playing volleyball?? hope so.
10) stay healthy!!
11)abit weird but anw,strike a lottery, can get loads of money, let my parents retire and come over singapore to stay.HA HA HA.
12)can start up my own business (earn money earn money!)
13)my uncle toget his business back on track.
14)my cousin to be more filial to uncle and aunt.
15) MY OWN CREDIT CARD!!! =X
16)MAN UTD to win the trebble.
17)money money money!!heehee.
18)everybody to be happy! =))
19)be with a special sumone. heehee
20)mazda 3 SP. heeheeheee

hope im not too greedy??
kinda messy, but anw.
hope to have a nice 20 years old.
=))

--
2:43 AM

Thursday, January 17, 2008 .

hmm..
things just goes on normally.
or should i say there's tenee wenee progress.
things that i said were somehow obvious in the 1st place.
voiced it out just to re-assure myself.
i longed for sumthing in return,
an answer? or a hint maybe.

awww.everythings's just a "so i thought"

my birthday's just a month or so away.
20th birthday wish?
loads of them.heee

--
1:59 AM

Friday, January 11, 2008 .

it's been awhile since ive blogged.=)
so here i am, again..lol
anw today's the last match im playing for nanyang poly.
sad to say even after 3 years, we didnt get any result back..
sucks big time..
all those dreams.haha.
anw i have super nice team mates.=))
thats one thing i can be proud of.
train harder !! and we'll go for open cup as NYP alumni.=P
i hope..

hmmm..volleyball days are over..time to study real hard!!
ehh..anw lets hope things turn out fine for me this time round.
wish me luck.

--
1:10 AM

Thursday, January 03, 2008 .

Your EQ is 107

You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.

You're a bit moody, and sometimes you have trouble coping with every day life.
But you're by no means depressed, and your good days definitely out number your bad days.

There's nothing really wrong with your life, but you may not be living up to your actual potential.
Negative emotions can be a real drain of your energy, so make sure you have them under control.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

--
11:57 PM

Monday, December 31, 2007 .

let's see..
it's been 42 houurs since "u know wat".
and im starting to feel a lil bit weird..
it's not like we contact each other every single time..
to know she's away, just doesnt seem right.
-.-

gonna start sch very soon..
the feeling sucks!!
i hate draggin myself out of bed every morning just to go sch.
argh..i have a half day school later..
die.
and i just came back from cycling trip.
the 1st time im experiencing drag racing right in front of me.
the smell of burnt gas.urgh..
super scary too.
lalala..
im dead meat..i got sch in like few hours time and im still not sleeping.=P
bahh. i dont care..

imissyou

--
4:57 AM

Thursday, December 20, 2007 .

look at the time people!!
its 4 am in the morning and i cant sleep yet..
can feel how happy am i??haha.

guess "yesterday" was my best day after "u-know-wat" day..
its been so long.3 months, half a year, and now almost 3/4 of a year.
im happy that everything has happened.
not that i purposely wanted it, but yea im glad enough that things happened.
made me an even stronger person and a happier person.
ive learnt that no matter wat happens, life still goes on and u have to face it bravely.
everything will go fine in time..
=))

so yea.i went to catch the alvin and the chipmunks for the 2nd time.
cos i simply loved their songs!!haha.uber cute!!
and this time round with a different company.
a special one to me.=)
u know who u are.
anw if ure reading this..thx loads for the day.=))
im missing it alr.=P

--
4:05 AM

Friday, December 14, 2007 .

Get Your Own Chat Box! Go Large!

--
8:05 PM

2nd paper was fine.
i think so..
hope my grades will be okay..
hmm..
tmr's the last day of my tests..=))
freedom afterwards!!weee!!

i went to watch the girls' friendly match..
they didnt do really well, so yea coach was kinda unhappy for awhile.
hmmm.jiayous to all!!
and..i was the same again.
me being the scaredy cat, stayed aside without daring to approach to talk or watever.
sighs.when will i stop being one..

horoscope said things are going on the right track.
i hope so too.

--
1:53 AM

Thursday, December 13, 2007 .

1st paper of my common test has already ended..
and it sucked totally.
that freaking lecturer of mine..
dont know wat she is thinking..
she told us that "blah blah blah" will be coming out in the paper..
but guess wat, her tips are all wrong..
FREAK HER.freaking cheena lecturer..
i heard that this is not the 1st time she is "sabo-ing" the class from another lecturer.
gosh..wat a lecturer..cheena lecturers suck to the core..
wat red korean handphone that those kawaii girls are using..
wat hand made glass that costed her few grands..
dont know wat else she wanna flaunt to the class..
these are all that she talk about during class..
urghh.. cant stand it..

tmr's the next paper and im so not prepared for it..
i "guess"..
im gonna wake up early tmr and go to sch to study just like how i did earlier.
studying in sch really is much better.
due to less distractions and such.
wish me luck.

so im all back to the usual me again.
the same old in-confident one.
duhh..dont know wats seriously running through her mind.
does she even think that im just playing around??
sighs.when will i dare to speak up to show how i feel..
and will i even get the answer that i wanna hear??
heh.its so not happenning for me right now..

what would life be in 5 years time?
i can only picture you and me.
or at least, thats wat i hope...

i will never let you fall

i'll stand up with you forever

i'll be there for you through it all

even if saving you sends me to heaven

cos you're my true love.

--
2:30 AM

Tuesday, December 04, 2007 .

lonely i'm so lonely,
i have nobody...
i on my own!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
for the whole week!!!!!!!!

my relatives going hong kong for holiday!!!
hahaha.

HOME ALONE FOR 1 WHOLE WEEK... let's see how i die from it.=X
loads and loads of misses for her for im not seeing her for quite awhile.
=((

wish me luck for my coming common tests.
im gonna study hard i promise!

--
12:15 AM

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 .

tmr's wednesday again.
time really flies..
i wonder how am i gonna spend life 10 years later.
bah.slow down the time please.
tmr's formal wear..
gonna wear like some uncle again.suckss.

i saw her today!!
happy happy!=)).

--
1:44 AM

Monday, November 26, 2007 .

hmm.woke up very late today.
thats a reason why im still awake at this time.
i cant fall asleep!!hahaha..
went to buy my shoe after i woke up.
cos my old one was EATEN by ANTS!!!
hahaa.nahh was just kidding.
i left my shoe near a rubbish bin during training,
so i guess sumone dripped sweet things inside or wat.
so after trg,
it was infected by ants, thousands of them, millions of them!!
SCARYYYY.

hahaha.yepp.
so i went to funan to check which shop does sell computer parts seperately.
yep found 1 and their pricing was not bad.
so i guess my mum's"just nice come" vouchers can be used there to buy my new computer!
WEEeeeeeeeeeee!! time to celebrate!!
still not enough tho, hafta top up few more hunred to get everything.
S$1100 vouchers still not enough.=x..heehee.getting greedy now.
muahaha.oops.

ohya!!i saw this ad for singnet's broadband..
sign a 2 year plan and get a Wii and wireles modem with it!
SUPERBBBBBB..this chrismast gonna be so fun!!hahaha..
new computer, new broadband account, AND A Wii!!
LOL..
my house's gonna be empty for a week !!!
5th dec to 12th dec!!who wanna come ?!?
=PP

some things just seem to be coming nicely now..
but some still left unsaid.
please let this "sumthing" be fine.
i hope.

--
2:53 AM

Sunday, November 25, 2007 .

yepp and again im writing this before i go to sleep.
things seem to be coming to a point.
where i hope it'll be fine, i hope it'll turn out fine
and everyone will be happy and i'll be happy.
turns out to be the other way.
if its true or not, i dont know.
but i see sumthing bad coming.

good or bad i dont wanna care anymore.
maybe i was just trying too hard.
just let it be.

--
1:07 AM

Thursday, November 22, 2007 .

still couldnt forget how well i spent the day.
just simply couldnt get it off my mind.
=).
i loved today.
tho it wasn't the most fantastic amazing day.

for the 1st time,
im spending so much time together.
even tho i didnt really speak up much.
having her in my sight was just more than enough.
some things that im thinking may just sound so dumb.
every single time i think of it i cant help, but smile to myself.
still couldnt "get her reply" to my hints.
be it be good, be it be bad..
i just hope for the best.=))

im missing you more than ever.

--
2:32 AM

Tuesday, November 20, 2007 .

been so moody today, which means people are getting on my nerves easily
a result of playing too much of manhunt?
bah.hope not. i guess im just tired. i need more sleep.
seriously.i havent been resting enough for my body.
aching everywhere.injuries everywhere.

AAAs called me up and asked me to go down for product training on some day.
its for the coming coputer show.i cant make it for weekdays, they said okay.
and...now i rem that i cant make it on the 1st of december.
my far relative's wedding!!!for like finally he's getting married.LOL.
when's my turn?!?=x
oops.

tmr's guy's training, hope my form gets back..
i havent been playing well since sunday.
die!!!train train train!!
saw ivp's fixtures...sucks like hell.
got a match on saturday too.bah. it sucks.
new year's coming!!!
who's gonna celebrate christmas and new year with me.
book me please.LOL.=x

u're being missed girl..

--
2:39 AM

Monday, November 19, 2007 .

"I can show you I'll be the one.
I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven."

just when can i openly tell this to her.
yes, this song makes me think of that special sumone.
walked into my life and changed it all.
you're just more than amazing.

spent my weekend playing vball mostly.
went to sentosa on saturday with the guys to "tan" a lil.
i didnt get the sunburn i wan cos we were too late when we reached sentosa.=X
woke up late on sunday. so spent lil time on the computer and went off to play vball at ccab.
kinda sucky i would say..their gay-ness aura made us feel super uncomfortable.
eeeeew.

got nth much to say anw.
ive been sleeping late these few days.
making me feel damn tired then next day when im in sch.
hafta change my body clock back to normal soon.
i supposedly gave a very big hint somehow.
she reacted kinda normally, not giving me much hope or watever.
but yea.i guess she knows how i feel towards her by now.
soo.i'll just try harder.=). u're being missed.

--
2:36 AM

Wednesday, November 14, 2007 .

arghh.
nights are getting boring nowadays.
and im kinda tired of getting home late alr.
i'll try to go home as early as possible next time.
LOL..because i miss my BED.hahaha.

been so tiring ever since sch started.
havent had any breaks or holidays in between..suckss.
im so looking forward to the coming holiday..
i wanna go genting!hahaha.
there're like loads of stuffs that i wanna get.
die..
haha..hmmm..

ohya..i got a wound on my arm that look like the playboy rabbit.LOL.
its not a tattoo please.haha.
quite funny la.weird that the shape came out this way.

anw i needa go do my resume alr.siann.
YES I SAW HER JUST NOW!!weeeee.super happy arr..
i can see her on thursday!!wee..looking forward.

--
12:35 AM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007 .

rawwrr.
lol..the blogging spirit been down lately..haha.
everybody seem to be too busy with their own stuff and not updating their blogs at all.
lalalala.
ohya.i just got my lost part of my skate.
so im back to BLADING, SKATING LATE AT NIGHT!!hahaha.
guess wat, i was so engrossed with the hockey stop that i tried the night i got it.
ooooooh.so satisfying..i could even smell the burnt rubber wheels!!
HAHA!my gosh.been like almost 2 months since ive played.
wooooooh.
burn the rubber baby!!ooooooooooh..
so i tried the powerslides and other slides..
super rusty..fell down afew times!hahaha..DAMN never been so FUN..

so yea.i somehow hinted to her how i felt..
she seemed fine with everything..
i PRAY with loads of hope..that everything will go on fine..
=))..ure being missed girl. see ya soon please..
i can't stop thinking bout you.=P

--
1:34 AM

Wednesday, November 07, 2007 .

just as i wished i could have a nice day tmr,
the horoscope gave me some hope.

The Bottom Line
Today offers you choices, so pick the path that offers you the greatest challenge.

In Detail
Every day offers its choices, but today is more than just a series of small decisions. Today is a fork in the road in one of your relationships. It could be regarding your role at work, a struggling friendship, or a developing romance. When you're asked to choose or commit to a direction, pick the path that offers you the greatest challenge -- you are ready to go there. The first steps may be frightening, but you'll gain a purposeful stride sooner than you think.

hmmmmmm..
ure missed.

--
12:07 AM

Monday, November 05, 2007 .

we may not meet each other alot,
may not talk to each other alot..
all the hi and byes..seem to stay deep down in my mind.
even from all those conversation we made.
i felt so inferior as compared to others.
just, IF only she gave me another glance.
even if it's a sec or so,
i could be happy for the whole day!
just that lil bit of ignorance or anger from her,
could make me go downn, can even hardly breathe.
why is that, if only i can get to watch her, get close to her..
i could feel im going thru the happiest moments of my life..

LOL!why am i writing this..
if she were to come across my bloggie..
dont even know if she knows that im writing about her or not.
sighs.
i hate myself

--
11:59 PM

Sunday, November 04, 2007 .

sighs.
im like stuck here for more than an hour alr.
not really thinking of wat to write.
but just that i dont know how to put everything into words.
hmmm...
suddenly feeling very strange about everything.
die la..im losing my confidence alr.
or maybe i shld say i got no confidence to start with at all.
trying not to put too much hope into anything now.
help!!~

--
3:26 AM

Saturday, November 03, 2007 .

there's this sumone i've been thinking about non-stop.
every morning, every noon, every night...
hmmm.that mysterious pair of eyes..
wat if there were sumone who can read people's mind..
i wanna know wats on her mind..
lalala.

anw i missed the morning lecture.
really tiring this week..
sleeping late at night while waking up early in the morning..
i can feel my eye popping out alr.haha.
swollen eyes.i need rest.

hmm.please let everything be fine over there.
guess u wont see this but take care alrite girl..

--
2:14 AM

Thursday, November 01, 2007 .

stayed over at laoren's house the previous night..
couldnt fall asleep till quite late so i kinda tired for the whole day.
short day in sch summore..
went back home to get a short nap before going back to sch for training.
my eyes are swollen?lol.i think so.
been itching for the whole day alr.

so finally got to see her..
was great!!so hoping time didnt pass so fast.
it'll be awhile before i can see her again.
misses..loads and loads of it.=x

--
11:43 PM

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 .

sadnesssssssssssssssssssss..
i was sooooooo looking forward to this day actually.
but sighs.i didnt get to meet her today.
missed a chance earlier on.

still alot of unsolved problems that im having.
i was watching some show, and it somehow reminded me of them.
seriously stressed up bout it..
i never chose a way out, never thought of ways to solve it.
i chose to hide away from it.

let this be it.
i pray..

--
1:04 AM

Monday, October 29, 2007 .

i cant fall asleep!
qiuling!see this?!?haha.my msn's offline when im typing this.
so u cant ask me to sleep alr.=P
u like my mom like that sia.ask me go sleep.=X

lalala.
2nd day of my job at simlim.
quite fun la.learnt a few new stuffs there.
seeing all those nice and new PCs is making my hands itchy.
i wan NEW DESKTOP!!
hahaha.grant my wish somebody.

sighss..
it's been a week..not much progress i guess..
haha.u'll still be my EYEcandy.=P

--
1:37 AM

Sunday, October 28, 2007 .

guess what's my horoscope for sunday?!?

The Bottom Line
Think too much about people's motivations today and you'll just get overwhelmed.

In Detail
There are many ways to connect with someone you want to build a relationship with. Most of your attention has probably gone into looking good and creating sparks ... but the truth is, there are many different routes that can provide a much deeper and more rewarding connection. Today, try to use humor, intellect or your political philosophy in a new way with this special person. These areas of your life could help everything come together in a more satisfying way.

haha..nice uh!
yay-ness!!
today's my 1st day of job.
was kinda fun doing all the pc stuff.
seeing all different kinds of pcs.
high-end ones, low end ones.
guess wat. i got my hands on a 3k++ PC(just the pc alone.)
how cool is that.the opening of those boxes.woooooooohoo.
haha.FUN!!
but im still under probation.they say tmr will be my last day of probation.
heehee.fast right!?!
maybe if i dont do well tmr, im gonna get sacked.
lol.no la.just do my best there.

and yes im missing HER right now.=PpP
EYEcandy.=))

--
1:46 AM

Saturday, October 27, 2007 .

so i got my hands on my very own white nintendo DS lite..
dont know why suddenly got the urge to get it too.
the brain age game that i've been eye-ing on.
the game that trains ur brain.lol.
nicee!one day u will see me as a GENIUS(even more since im alr a genius.oops.just kidding.)
watever it is, ive added another console to my gaming collection.
which makes me sound like some geek or hardcore gamer..
which actually im not!!trust me!haha.
one of the reasons i bought a DS was to modify it too.=P
for fun..

it's the end of week 3?i dont know. i got lost track of time in sch.haha.
spending most of my time sleeping in class and watsoever.
im really looking like some kind of genius!!=X
sleeping in class but usually the 1st to finish labs.
muahaha.*proud..hafta keep it up..im aiming for a distinction for every module this sem!

ohya.im gonna go have my job (on probation) tmr afternoon at simlim.
i'm supposed to assemble PCs..havent done one for quite awhile alr.
hope i'll be fine tmr..pray*
wish me luck.

this someone is again being missed by ME!!haha.
hope she doesnt sneeze too much.oops..
im hoping for the best..pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

--
1:35 AM

Friday, October 26, 2007 .

just had the urge to write another post up now.
hmmmm..
just having shit loads of stuffs going thru my mind right now.
suddenly found out like hella lot of things going thru changes.
like friends, family stuff, studies and my own life..
things will never be the same like how it used to be before,
the fun times will never be the same again..
the emo periods that i used to have after breaking-up.
nope. they're all gone..
just how fast things change..unbelievable.
and im starting to see alot of happy people now..
really a-l-o-t...
relationship got better, found a new partner, better results, more financially stable..
=))..seeing these changes really soothes the heart.
seeing a whole new world changing for the better??i hope..

in sucha loss of words to describe my feelings now.
just wanna say hope that everyone is okay and doing fine..and im happy for the better changes.=))

hmmm.and i still cant get her off my mind.=X
haha.u're missed.=)

--
1:57 AM

so im back to type all these nonsense stuffs again.
sighs.
this kind of thing always seem to bother me alot.
every single time!

there's this pair of eyes that i so love to see.
i made a kinda close eye contact with them.
mersmerised i was..almost immediately.
BOO!!i ain't gonna say a word about it.=PpP

huaxin u might say..
iknow i am..but i know my limits.=P
lalala.please grant me the best of luck.oops.=P

--
12:24 AM

Tuesday, October 23, 2007 .

spent most of my time in sch and training for today.
didnt really do much during lessons.i was late..haha.
hmm.i really hope can get good grades.just for this last one sem.
and really really hope that i can get into a uni and continue my studies.

sucha lousy weather now..
been raining for almost everyday.
so bad back at indo..think its gonna flood again.
come to think of it.i havent gone back for ages.
kinda miss the slacking time and joys that i had with my cousins.
haha.=))

i change my mind so easily!!gosh.
1st there was this, then there was that, and now's another thing again.
wat the..no confidence at all.
sighs.wish me luck.=)

--
1:29 AM

Monday, October 22, 2007 .

ive learnt sumthing from my outing today!
lol.
that cockcroaches are lovey animal!!LOL!
i saw this pair of them mating, i walked pass and they ran off tgt!!
its like they're stuck tgt while running away.
think of it in a human perspective = FUNNY!
hahaha.wanted to take picture of them, but they ran off fast!
lol.!!

siannnn.its the end of weekend alr.
which means tmr gonna start sch again.
arghh.
weekends always pass so fast.
i hope i can get that job at simlim..
my friend's shop!!weee!!no more jobless me!!
more monneyy!but this means lesser time to go out and play during weekends.
date me out on weekend nights!=X
oops.haha.

--
1:21 AM

Sunday, October 21, 2007 .

boo..
sucha sucky day for me.
slept till late cos i was so freaking tired!!
was wacthing inline skate videos when weiming came my house,
then laoren came shortly after.

planned to go down east coast to see skates and buy that missing part from my skate before i can actually skate again.
but everything got ruined..
my soldering stuff not working properly.. dont know why..
then wasted super alot of time with the psp thingy..urghh.
why why why!!im so dying to go down see the skates i wanna get.
so much cheaper than the previous one i bought.
sighs..if i sell mine away, think wont get much money from it also.
cos of the scratches and stuff.
arrrr!!the only thing im telling myself is that
"skates so cheap, so nice summore, confirm dont have my size.haha."
just trying to console myself uh..

been so into skates nowadays, watching all those videos just make me wanna play!!
i wanna try all the slides that i just learnt!!
urghh.my wheels are readily seasoned..weeee!finally.

my horoscope keeps telling me to go out and socialise,
and to be patient and keep waiting..that's wat ive been doing.
waiting and waiting..when will my day come again??
hmmmm.lalala.
still believing the " do good deed and will get good return "

ohya!!it's so nice to find out that actually im on quite a few people's featured friend..
haha.happy + proud.=PP
hmmm.seeing some things just makes me jealous + envy..
just wondering wat will the future be like.
i wanna get my own car soon!=))

been busy with trainings and sch..
rarely spend my time at home..
bahh.i wanna a psp slim to play with and DS lite!!!
haha.save-money campaign for me.=))

late alr!!
i wanna go to dreamland alr.*yawnns..
ZZzz

--
3:08 AM

Thursday, October 18, 2007 .

ended sch early today since it's a wednesday.
i hate playing soccer in sch sooooo much..
everytime i play at the hockey pitch, i get a bruise.
urgh.
i played soccer at 2 in sch..so just like usual, i got bruises all over my feet leg and knee..
the worst thing was i had training at night, which made the injuries worse i guess.
i can still feel pain here and there when walking.
shitness..
training was alright, but i played badly..
i so hafta buck up!!dammit.
let me get back my form soon!!sighs..

sch started on monday and been crowded ever since.
but still havent bumped into some people..
lalala.

anw, saw this old neoprint i took :

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

my gosh.my hair was seriously long.no wonder people thought i was a girl.=x
hahaha.nice memories.=))

--
12:15 AM

Wednesday, October 17, 2007 .

bwah!!!!!
i still havent got a call from skaters world.
idiottttt.
tmr's wednesday alr..argh..i havent been skating for a week plus already la!!
wah kao..i saw super nice skates for only 286!!!gosh.i wanna cry alr.

been so tiring ever since sch start.
wake up so early in the morning, go to sch, listen to boring lectures,
easy labs to be done(imagine 3 hrs lab being done in less thatn 30 mins.)
i dont know why the school set 3 hours for easy labs.
summore i can go off after finishing it.2hr 30 mins break??
gosh.wat a waste of time..
hope exams can be that easy too.LOL.
then i can get distinction for every single module.oops =x

hafta start planning wat i wanna do after graduating.
sighss.im scared my grades doesnt allow me to get into a U
stressed up.pressurised.
still feeling in need of sumthing..
i still dont wish to grow up.

dont know for how long i havent been seeing this paticular person online.
busy i guess..just wanna say take care.

--
12:18 AM

Friday, October 12, 2007 .

seesh.
i think im in need of a job alr.
my savings' like getting lesser each day.
urghhh.
maybe i wanna try finding jobs at simlim square.
haha.can slack around and pla psp when there's no customer.=P
oops.

sighs.
help me find a job!!!

--
12:13 AM

Wednesday, October 10, 2007 .

QIULING!!honoured to see ur name here?LOL!
haha..i know u sure will read this!!
LOL.just for fun la eh.hahaha.

ehh.just writing this update to tire my mind
so that i can sleep easier,
without have to think about stuffs.

niwae i cant stop thinking bout my upcoming birthday.
ehh.seems kinda normal, but to me there's a hugeeee difference.
im turning 20!!dammit.which means im getting old.
my age starts with a FREAKING 2.....my gosh.

were talking bout organising another chalet soon..
i was thinking either chrismas or new year..
dont know if we have the budget or not.lol.

2nd day of sch.and im alr sleeping in class.
tired.bored.sucky lecturer.
not discriminating chinese..
but i got this lecturer, from china i guess.
got a super difficult time speaking english..
i cant understand a single thing that comes out from her mouth..
funny that nyp will hire her.weird.
and the way she talk seems to be as if she had memorised everything off a textbook.
darn..i was with her for 3 hours just now and i cant stand it.
im gonna die on friday cos im having her lesson for 5 hours.
SHE'S TEACHING ME 2 MODULES.
sighs.im so gonna fail.

yawwwwwwwwwwns* tired..
gonna go sleep now.

Friendster Horoscope for October 10, 2007
Pisces
You might spy a great sale on something you've been saving up for, but don't rush right out and make any purchases. You still owe it to yourself to shop around. After all, if one store is slashing prices, doesn't it stand to reason that other shops would too? Reacting too quickly to any good-sounding news today is not wise. Take in the information, but don't shape your life around it. You would be much wiser to wait until the dust settles -- and you know for sure.

--
1:34 AM

Tuesday, October 09, 2007 .

whoa.
i was right here thinking that the chalet might be boring few days ago.
and now im here again,
now back from the chalet, had fun, and enjoyed every single moment there.
fun group of people..
so much more bonded, so much that i hoped the time didnt pass that fast.
im so loving this bunch of assholes, bastards, bitches..hahaha!!
awwwwwwwwww.im missing the "sleep tgt" session alr.

wat should i say...hmmm...
there's some stuff that happened, made me think alot..
and again, i dont know wat i shld do.
useless piece of shit..

tadah.im just too lazy to write down watever shits we did back at the chalet.
but surely it was fun like hell..
seriously so much better than any other chalets i had.
will want to have another one soon.
haha.everybody's missing the fun alr.
awwwwwwwwwwwwww.can't bear.

anw.i started sch alr.
today's my first day back at sch after sooooooo long.
felt kinda weird tho.hmmm..
new class, new people, new modules, new lecturers..
i've yet enjoyed being in this class..
missing the old class alr.haha.

bahh.talking bout today, i went down for girl's trg
and i got fired up for awhile just now.
ermm.some of them was kinda surprised to see me like that for the 1st time i guess?
haha.no worries ppl.im fine..dont know wat happen to me back then too.
lalala.

sighs.im so hating sch right now..
how i wish i can dont go to sch.and start working alr.
then i can earn money money money.
then i can get my license license license.
then i can buy my muscle muscle muscle car.
shelby GT500 2007 ? ford GT mustang ?
my gosh.can't wait to lay my hands on the steering wheel.

thinking of that, im graduating in like..6 months?1 semester?
arghh.thats like sooooo fast..
wat am i going to do without all these people in my life.
kao.im getting emo again.stupid idiot.
sighs.i hope i can get into a uni and stay in singapore after that.
i dont wanna leave this bunch of people.
sighs.things will be different awhile more.

emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid
emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid
emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid
emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid emo kid
lame.

--
2:05 AM

Thursday, October 04, 2007 .

arghhhhhhhhhhh.
tmr's chalet..
was actually so looking forward to it at 1st..
but yea.the interest died off i guess..
i suddenly felt tired of everything.
yah even writing an update..
sighs.

--
1:06 AM

Wednesday, October 03, 2007 .

weird for me to blog this early.
woke up cause of loud screams..
my cousin was quarelling with his parents.
didnt really want to hear too much,
but it made me recall of how i used to be back in sec sch days.
i was almost exactly like that.shouting back at every single person that say im wrong.blah blah
felt bad bout all those things..
hope one day he will understand and change himself.

life just suck at some point of time.

--
2:24 PM

hmmm..
its at night again and i just finished watching the new taiwanese drama i was talking bout.
3rd episode..nice show!!cant wait for the next episode to come out.

anw im fine alr!!yay!!but still having a slight cough and flu..
haha.will be fine soon i guess.no worries.im STRONG.hahaha.
aaron got his psp alr, and i just fixed the trigger LED for him.
wee super chios!!white psp with blue LEDs..hahaha.
I STILL CANT GET MINE WORKING..darnn.dont know why.
red LED got diff voltage blah blah.so many things and im so confused..
hope i can think of a new solution soon.=))
I THOUGHT OF A SOLUTION TO IT AND NOW MY PSP'S SWEEEEEEET AND PRETTY!!
PRETTY PRETTY RED + WHITE!!!!!!!!!
YAY-NESS

hmm.ive checked with singtel..so my phone line's not upgraded yet.
thats one good thing!!=)
havent contacted her yet.cos i think she havent got a phone or wat.
and i havent seen her online for awhile.
i guess she must be busy working??dont know.
things are fine now.so dont worry alr!!
i said things will go fine, and yepp it did!!=))
happy happy.

today's a nice day.
so proud of myself..
i helped aaron do his psp which worthed a total of 50 bucks if he had done it outside??
downgrade + upgrade = at least $20
trigger light = at least $25
everything worked out well.
hope tmr will be a good day for everyone too.

hoping to hear from u soon.

--
3:44 AM

Tuesday, October 02, 2007 .

arghh.damned sore throat..damned weakling..
my body's like aching all over and my throat feel like it's brushed by sand paper every time i swallow my saliva.
ouch.i hate being sick..
so freaking tired, yet i canot get myself into the dreamland.
HOW PATHETIC..

there are like loads of things im worrying about right now..
ive been thinking for like the whole journey home from sch till now about why my psp ribbon burnt.
i still cant think of any reason yet. but yea i thought of a solution for it..luckily.
tried it and it worked perfectly.=))

ok now im worrying bout the phone thingy.
2 things bout it..
"so is she gonna get her hp??"
"wat if my line got extended alr??"
im sick and my brain isnt working that well..
seriously, i so so want her to get her phone and start using it and be happy bout it,
instead of getting scolded here and there because of wat happened earlier.
i guess i was careless..or say we were..
and this time my "help" made more trouble.
sighs..i hate myself..

so sorry bout everything alrite.

i really hope for everything to be fine.

*pray

--
2:43 AM

SHITY DAY!!
everything i do seem to go wrong.
i hate children's day.

i burnt my psp ribbon.
things didnt stop at there,
the phone thingy..
training was tiring and that made me fall sick..
im so weak..
im gonna go sleep

--
12:11 AM

Monday, October 01, 2007 .

this sucks badly.
everytime i wanna help sumone,
i end up making it more troublesome.
ok i hope this time everything goes fine..

lalala.i guess im too heaty.
my throat feels so uncomfortable now.
from all the snacks i ate at the ktv.
argh.i hate it.
i drank like GALLONS of water and its still sucky.
help help!!!!!

im sleeping early today!!haha.
i'll be sleeping at 2 am!!LOL..may seem late for some but im sleeping 4 hours earlier than usual.
lalalala.i'll be setting alot of alarm clock to make myself wake up tmr!!lol

i thought i was super free this holidays.
but seems like im so fully booked since saturday.
saturday wake up then go out meet friend, go out till late
sunday same thing.monday which is tmr, morning go amk hub, afternoon helping my friend do the psp stuff, at night training..
im thinking wat i gonna do on tuesday.
busy busy busy.love it..and im glad i can help people.=))
good return will come for those who does good deeds.YAY!!
pasta this week!!=))
kay its getting "late"..hafta go off now!=)

--
1:44 AM

Saturday, September 29, 2007 .

BOO!!
was so busy yesterday night so didnt do an update.heehee.
busy playing game la.hahaha.
anw yesterday was a great day!!
woke up "early" to prepare and go to sch..
cos i needa get the tix for the leehom concert..
watched the performance.. niceee.
after performance headed to hg point to eat, then to downtown east.
lalalala.

anw i saw this group of skaters.. uber cool!!
1 of the guys got the same pair of skates as mine!!haha.
MICRO SEBA HIGH..he bought his for 490.=PP.mine was 50 bucks cheaper!!hahahaha.
neh ni neh ni poo poo.=X
im getting crazee by the thought of skates.lol.
i wanna go down ECP skate ring to see the pros soon!!!
lalalalala.

life sucks as madonna said..
it's true sumtimes..urggghh.

I WANNA SKATE!!hahaha.

--
2:45 PM

Friday, September 28, 2007 .

just had a haircut??
are u not satisfied with the haircut??
introducing the magical hair shampoo..
grow ur hair back within a night..
get yours now at the nearest NTUC supermarket now!!

bah..i was just bored.
got nothing to do.so go scribble around with paint.

dont cryy girl..dont be sad either..
ure still as pretty..
take care alrite..
all the best for tmr's performance.
big smiless =))

--
12:34 AM

Thursday, September 27, 2007 .

so i guess it's been awhile since i blogged..
few days maybe?
haha..people bugging me for and update alr.lol..
seems like my blog can somehow kill that short period of boredom.
that's not a bad thing eh.
im satisfied..

easily satisfied i can be,
just that short glimpse of her really have made my day better.=)
so i guess things are how it's supposed to be, and everybody seems to be happy now.
big smiles for everyone!=))

im so tempted to learn to cook now.
i have a new wish now!!
i wanna taste all the good foods from all around the world!!=))
that's one of the main reason i wanna cook..
i wanna try cooking for people..and put that smile on their face telling me it tastes good!
hahaha.if only good food can clear all the troubles u have in people's mind.
im crazeee i guess.

volleyball chalet's like next week.
im so so looking forward to it!!
maybe different from how chalets used to be for me..
but i wanna enjoy it as much as possible for now.=)
hey i might try and cook SUPER CREAMY pasta or make SUPER NICE salad..LOL.
but if the chalet's gonna be at downtown east then too bad..
i so so love caesar salad!!so hungry for it now.=x

hahaha.all the fun that's coming..weeeeeeeee.
ohya!leehom's concert will be on this friday!!
im getting tix for it!!yay!!
main purpose isnt to watch him la actually.LOL.
weeeeeeeeeee..life's great now..
if there would be this special sumone, it would be even better.=P

nights..have a good sleep alrite.
comb ur hair often, and the hair will grow faster.haha.

ure still the prettiest*

--
2:23 AM

Sunday, September 23, 2007 .

so everything's over.
how fast time really flies.
i was once looking forward to laoren's bday party.
now the party's over and im back in front of my computer again.

i seriously love celebrations, happy occasions, gatherings, trainings and huge outing tgt.
the crowd, the happiness all around, the noise we make..
so heartwarming...

so i guess ive been around here in this world for like 19 years 6 months 14 days..
lol..after everything that ive been thru, i still cant find the REAL purpose im living here.
it's been nice, it's been saddening, it's been a roller coaster ride...
i admit i love all the attention i get whenever i do stupid things to make people happy, laugh around.
i want my family, my friends, the whole world..to be living in a happy life..
how great would it be if everybody knew each other, wave at each other every morning.
sighs.its just another wish that i wanna make..
im now so looking forward to my own birthday party..i wanna invite every single one friend that i have!!=)
MEIRU..remember the promise??lol.celebrate tgt alrite?

--
1:54 AM

Saturday, September 22, 2007 .

so here i am again writting nonsense before my beautiful sleeeeep.
im sooo tired today even tho i woke up quite late in the afternoon.
W-E-I-R-D..
i dont know why and how i played soccer and volleyball just now.
and i had wounds on both of my knee. PAIN.
maybe after the continuous trainings i had for this week made me THIS tired.

this feeling's so weird.
im sitting infront of my computer staring at the monitor.
thinking what should i do next.
i can think of NONE.
in no mood to chat around and play around today.
TIRED.

as msssvssssssssssssssssl;sfdsffffffffffjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
jeez..i fell asleep thinking of wat to write..the previous line was wat i wrote in my dreams.=X
needa wake up early tmr for a friendly match at american school.
weeeee!! air-conditioned court!!
so looking forward.and looking forward to laoren's birthday party tmr.=)
i need sleep!! so i can be the noisiest one tmr!!havoc!!!!
haha.nights everybody.

sweetest dreams to u.

all the best!

--
1:04 AM

Friday, September 21, 2007 .

2nd post of the night..
just finished watching an episode of some new taiwan drama.
"mei wei guan xi"
a drama related to food.LOL
anw the story's kinda nice..im gonna catch the next episode next week!!
haha.

so now's emo time.hahaha.
stupid drama make me even more emo now.
lol.my mind just keeps spinning around, thinking about this and that.
super emo sia..
haha. stupid.i hate emo-ing..

--
3:06 AM

training's been fun recently..
could have been much better if more people would take the initiative to ask if there's training or not.
rather than waiting for people to tell them that there's training on this particular day..
its understandable that training's on every week twice.
bah.i rather stop complaining.
its been fun!!=)

i can't help to spend money on FOOD FOOD and more FOOD..
i just can never seem to stop eating.darn..
think most of my money have been spent on FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.
die... im so getting fat..

where am i gonna get 1KG of paper to exchange for that wang leehom concert tix!!urghhhhhh
im so hating it.thought i could have get the tix much easier.darn..

soo.i guess it's been 2 days since i talked to that sumone.
sighs.im missing her a lil bit alr.

how have u been doing?

--
1:01 AM

Tuesday, September 18, 2007 .

lala. wayyyyy too tired to open my eyes before 4 pm in the afternoon.
sleeping too late in the night really has become a bad habit for me.
urgh..thats so bad.
woke up and had like more than 10 miss calls all together.
lol.so sorry guys..too tired to pull myself out of bed and get my phone from the table.
heehee.=P

so i woke up and watched tv for awhile before leaving house to meet zt and jj to buy donuts!!
jj's friend's working there.lalalala.
anw bought a dozen and half.they didnt really have much flavors left so just picked watever's on there..i still wanna try spicy cheese!!!hahaha.
went home after that and gave half a dozen to sumone(i still havent said who u are.HAHA!)
etuc si ehs!!!=)
booooooohoooo.went to ice cube again..had a super fruitty ice cream!!lol.i love the peaches!!
niceee.and im getting hungry again.darn..
results coming out in a few mins!!PRAY HARD!!

--
11:48 PM

shopping trip to bugis wasnt fruitful at all!!
i saw a levi's belt!!!super nice.but the price tag was even nicer!LOL.
today's training was alright..
only ate 2 breads from bread talk before training.
so practically i was hungry throughout the whole session.
my stomach grumbled ALOT of times.haha
so i wasnt playing really well today.didnt have much strength to run around.=P

lalalaa.wanted to make the LED go brighter by shorting the resistor.
ended up blowing it.darnnnnnnnn.sighs..now it wont even light up anymore.sadness.
argh!!!!!!i hate myself.

now i find out that actually quite alot of people reads my blog.
and thats one happy thing to know about.=)
thx people.

im stuck in between.being the good guy doesnt always get wat they want.
im happy that things are doing fine once again.
but at the same time disappointed of some.
all those predictions that was told. all fakes..
i wont believe in such things anymore.
how silly to believe in scuh thing.hah.

i just want my life to be a lil bit more sugary, a lil bit more spicy,

a lil bit more flavouring. and it will be good enough.

grant my wish please.=P

im so lousy at this kind of thing.

--
2:32 AM

Monday, September 17, 2007 .

nothing to post about actually.
just that today i went back to olio for my dinner and saw my ex-colleagues there.
everybody didnt change one bit..
kinda miss them a lil bit.
but too bad i wont wanna work there anymore cause of some reason.

im broke..i used up my 4days pay in like less than a week.
im spending too much..
i needa control myself!!! tmr shall be the last day of spending..and hope i wont spend much.
lol..

there's sumthing i wanna say out real badly but i dont think its a good thing.
dont wanna be the bad guy here.let fate decide.

be strong girl.

--
2:19 AM

Saturday, September 15, 2007 .

was so into doing my PSP's LED and by the time i look at my monitor screen
i found out it's already 6+ am in the morning.HA!
i was crazee..i wasted alot of LEDs!!!!urghh..the LEDs are like less than 1 mm small and i was torturing my eye late at night, or should i say early in the morning to change the colour of the LED.
who cares.. i was satisfied with the end result!! B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L i can say.
white psp with red buttons, with red LEDs for power, mem stick, and wifi....
superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbb.
im loving this colour combi..
gonna add more LEDs soon enough..2 red ones at the trigger buttons and 2 more for the sound reactive one which will be placed near the speakers.
OMG. RED RED RED..im so in love with red.LOL.
forced myself to wake up earlier than usual so that i will be tired later at night.heehee.
im having ugly eyes right now.
i wan my pretty pretty, beautiful eyes!!! lol. im crazee.
cause of not having enough sleep.
gonna go far east to shop later..wonder if i will get to see her there..
i hope*

--
1:16 PM

Friday, September 14, 2007 .

gosh.time's 4 am and im still so awake!!
body clock really going so off.LOL.maybe i shld stay awake all the way till tmr night.
and have a super long sleep till the next next day morning.
then my body clock will go back to normal.
LOL.im thinking too much.
full of craps.

im getting my pay tmr!!!for like finally.
im meeting my colleagues tmr!!wee.those fun people.
guess how much this top seller gonna get for his pay..i seriously dont know.lol.
hope i can get more to cover up for the moooney i spent on my skates.
then i can go for shoppppppping.
my wardrobe's like so boring..ive been wearing the same old shirt over and over again.
its loaded, full of shirts and jeans and shorts..but i only wear a few of them.my fav ones!=P
maybe i should empty it and start keeping nice ones only.=X
if only i have the "KACHING~"..$$$$

belly's appearing again.
omg..so unglam when i look into the reflection of myself.LOL.
urgh.big big belly like some uncle's beer belly..
i hope hard liquor doesnt make one have belly..
gonna drink again this coming saturday with aaron..ive been drinking too much lately.
musnt make this a habit.

training's back and i can sweat the unwated fats away!!weeeee.
for the 1st time after so long i played spiker.
coach agreed that i could be a spiker..but he said im gonna stay as a libero since he's been training me for so long and he even said my receive was the best among everybody.
surprised??i was..but happy and sad at the same time..
happy = being the best receiver
sad = not being able to play spiker anymore.
sadddddness.

things arent really going my way for now.
but i guess i just have to accept everything.
life still have to go on..
i miss being loved..
mum, dad, when can u stop working and come over to singapore to live tgt with me and my brother?
im so sure kervin will be so happy if u are to live in singapore.. me too.
thats my biggest hope for now. =(

if it's urs i will come to u naturally

if it's not, no matter wat u do, it's of no use.

--
4:01 AM

Tuesday, September 11, 2007 .

HAH!!
how happy can i be!!LOL.
seriously i think im off the ground now!!LOL
flying!!=X.
hahahaha..
omg i cant stop smiling to myself.=P
=)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

haha.this may sound stupid. so be prepared
i might have some friends having the same name.
i might think the name's normal.
but when i like that paticular person.
i think that the name's the most beautiful one on earth!! LOL=x
pardon me.hahahaha.

weeeee.=)
. i see you many times (((:

--
2:01 AM

Saturday, September 08, 2007 .

gosh!!
gosh!!
gosh!!
gosh!!
gosh!!
HELP ME PLEASE SOMEBODY..
how how how how how!!!
urghhhhhhhhh.

--
3:18 AM

Friday, September 07, 2007 .

ANDREW!!
haha.have you done wat u want to do?
cos i havent done it yet!!LOL.
wonder will he even read this.
i want it so so so so badly!!!
hahaha.same to you.=P

friendly with SMU yesterday.
anyhow played.had fun but with some hatred too.=X
some of us were pissed off.bah.forget it.
went to zouk AGAIN.. this time with madd, lishan, ah bu..
was alrite..the only happening thing was the fight..
reached home at 8am in the morning!~weeeeeeee.
crazee.slept all the way till 5 pm.woke up and prepared for training.
today's girls training.played around awhile ..
the feeling's all different.shant say much.
i just missed the fun with my friends.
nice to see them and make noise with them again.=))
loves my bunch of friends.

ANDREW HELP ME!!!!!lol
i seriously cant stop thinking bout it.if u see this please call me or watever.LOL.
its night time again.another day have passed.
soon enough i will start sch again.
soon enough i will be graduating from nyp.
urgh.i miss the old days.

--
3:12 AM

Wednesday, September 05, 2007 .

It's been quite long since i've been to sch.
which means it's been quite long since i took 72 to sch in the morning.
which means it's been quite long since i seen 'ahem'.
hahaha.she's a girl that i had a crush quite long ago.
always met her on the way to sch in the morning.
loved the short period of eye contact i made with her.=x.oops
she's a close friend of my friend.lalalala.
and she's none other than the gingerbread girl!!
hahaha.
anw she was the one that told alvin ng the library joke on "hey georgeous!"(if u did watch.=P)

bah..im too bored thats why im writing this kind of thing.=x
lalala.im living in my own carefree world.
MY ROOM'S IN A MESS AND IM SO STRESSED UP COS OF IT.
lol.gonna go pack my room when my brother and cousin finishes their exams.
CLEAN CLEAN ROOM!! i wan a clean clean room!!=)

ohya.i just got my razer krait mouse!!cost me 49 bucks..
satisdied with it..super smoooooooooth..haha.kinda not used to it.=P
i'll post a pic of my mouse soon.heehee.

guess wat.i just did a reformat on my computer and all my songs are GONE.
luckily i made a back up of the pictures..phew.if not i gonna cry alr..haha.=P

im missing volleyball trainings so badly.
2 trainings have been cancelled in a row.so sad ar..
sigh.what's the team turning into.

gingerbread girl

--
3:51 AM

Monday, September 03, 2007 .

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.
COMEX IS OVER!!!
ALL THE FUN THAT I HAD..IS TOTALLY UNFORGETABLE.WOW!
haha.made super loads of friends..all the promoter in my booth, at neighbouring booths.
wooooooh.power la..alot of fun people..
was super high on 3rd day night and today..
yea!!!shitness.next comex i gonna work with the same people again!!i dont care.haha.
im the top seller!!!weeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
i charmed everybody to buy from me!!! LOL.=x
i and a few of my colleagues were actually competing for the sales.LOL..
damn fun.everybody got not a bad sales for the last day.
everybody was high, everybody was happy..=))
super fun..
there's this girl working at my same booth but she was selling printer instead of laptops.
kinda cute sia.=x.hahaha.had a lil talk with her.oops.
wanted to get her contact but didnt dare to.WAHAHA.humji.=x
too bad..its just that 'hao gan' i have towards her.
lalala.
anw the main point i had super loads of fun there was my new made friends.
cliqued damn well..the same crazy crazy type of guys..working never have been this fun.
hahahaha.looking forward to the next comex alr.=P
thx for those who came to visit me.heehee.
arghhhhhh.
i cant biliv 4 days of comex is over sia.lol..super miss working now.oops.=P
emo sia.LOL.

*wat a day.

so much fun.unbilievable.

my super big grin. =D

--
1:32 AM

Friday, August 31, 2007 .

EDITED:
wth..i just realised everything i wrote has disappeared!!
DAMN blogger.

anw i was saying bout me coming back from my work.
my feet, my heels, my back..
gonna break soon!!haha.so tiring..i've been standing for the whole day!!
i realised i got into the wrong company..
lousy pay, lousy selection of laptops, lousy price, lousy freebies they give out..
urgh..its damn difficult to sell the lappies..
guess how many i sold on the 1st day?
Z-E-R-O
thats how bad the sales was..my whole booth only managed to sell away 3 sets.
PATHETIC..
was unlucky too..i almost sold off 3 sets at the same time to an indian guy.
when his friend came and told him there was another better deal sumwhere else.
IM CURSING THAT FRIEND OF HIS..urghhhhhh.
shitnessssss..im so so tired. from everything.

the fun part of the whole day was meeting alot of familiar faces there.all working there..
weeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
and another fun part of the day wasssss....something i dont wanna say here..
hehehehe.=P

HOPE HOPE HOPE I CAN SELL SOME SETS OFF TMR.PLEASEEEEEEEEE
*PRAY HARD FOR ME PLEASEEEEEEEEEE
*so sad.im gonna CRY.haha.=X

Horoscope for August 31, 2007

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)

The Bottom Line

Show your softer side today -- you'll get a good reaction from the people you meet.

In Detail

Have you ever heard the expression 'You can attract more flies with honey than you can with vinegar'? Well, it's true -- especially today! So show your softer side, and you will get a very good reaction from the people you meet. Instead of trying to be the most intimidating person in the world, try to be the most considerate. Your smile will work wonders, so don't be afraid to use it -- having a face that aches from smiling too much should be your goal today.

--
12:00 AM

Tuesday, August 28, 2007 .

boooo!
wat a lousy day..
been raining for the WHOLE day.

i hate rains..
let me see sunshine!!
lala.i dont know wat i shld write about.
im stuck here for very long alr.hahaha.

kinda looking forward to weiming's birthday party.=)
so cool la.he gonna be 21 years old that day..wee..
lol.my mum talked about my birthday party when im 21 years old.
by the pool party??omg.. so cool!!
im imagining alr.LOL.at rasa sentosa?? seeeeeeeeeesh.thats gonna be sooooo nice!!
lol.i cant wait to have my own big birthday partyyyyyyyy..
gonna be so much better if there will be a special sumone on that day.hahaha.
im dreaming.=X
bahh.lets hope that day really comes..heehee.=P

boo!
im missing sumone.

--
8:46 PM

so here's an update for today.
woke up at 1 pm..search a few psp mods online..so decided to the the sound reactive LED.
went to simlim for some product introduction for this upcoming comex.
quite lousy pay i can say.
but who cares.better than nothing.
come tell me if u wan buy lappie..heehee..
toshiba, HP (compaq) , or acer..
oops..advertising now alr..haha.

loads of things in my mind.
had the will to do things.
fear overcame everything.
COWARD

--
1:55 AM

Saturday, August 25, 2007 .

my mum called at the wrong time!
i was busy.
she asked me stupid questions..
i didnt know how to answer..
so she asked me repeatedly.
i got fed up and shouted at her..
and............shit.im feeling damn bad right now..
and i feel like.......
SKATING THE STRESS OUTTA ME.

--
4:07 PM

so..the time's 4.22am!!
haha.ive been so crazy..
rarely sleep before 5 am.heehee.
im nightcrawler, owl, watever thing. bat?
hahaha.
so crazy.went to aaron's house to have a drink.
yiting was there too..lol.think she's drunk even before she drink her 1st glass.=x
now i understand something from her..lol..
some people can just be busy with msn and friendster for the whole night.
NON-STOPP.this is crazy alrite.i couldnt biliv it until i saw.
how inferior some guys can be to the girls.

lala.anw reached home this afternoon at around 1 oclock.
had hangover..HEADACHE!!so i went to sleep for awhile.
bah..i just skated to 7-11 at 3 am just now.=X
ehh.so scary.urban skating not as easy as i thought.
uneven road, slopes here and there, the worst thing's if there's water.
really can fall anytime.haha.skate skate. feel so freeeeeeeeee!=x
i guess i wont dare to skate to sch YET..with the cars and all..scary..
i gotta pick up more skating skills!!urgh..lousy lousy.
alrite eh.think i gotta go sleep alr..tiredddddddd..
i'll wake up probably 3 or 4 oclock in the afternoon.hhahaa.
body clock broke down alr.

--
4:22 AM

Thursday, August 23, 2007 .

woke up late in the afternoon as usual!!
its been 5 days of holidays..and im so so lazy to do anything.
i just wanna lie down on the bed to sleep, sleep, and sleep..
haha.longer time of sleep = longer time to dream..
lol..been dreaming of all sorts of things..(im sleeping more than 12 hrs each day!)
from the good to the bad..
wahaha..

been skating these days..and my wheels are still not seasoned yet!!stupid..
i fell a few times.haha.stupid la..luckily nobody saw.=P
embarrassing la...
skating is real fun!!
i gt a sense of freedom to move around quickly without using much str!!
haha.weird eh..im lovin my skates.
i wanna get pro soon enough.=X

yepp.my life's evolving around my psp, skates, and volleyball..
ehh.kinda boring life eh.
everything will soon be over.1 more sem and i'll be graduating.
how sad..im missing the havoc i used to create in class..
lala..so so not confident of my results..dont know if it's enough to get into a local U or not..
if not..then....i think i can wave goodbye already.LOL..
and most prob u'll see me in china sumwhere..eeeeeeew..dont know how life's like there..
lalala.it's a big mistake of my parents to send me here to study.LOL.
cos i dont feel like going back to indo at all..
ehh..all those ambitions, all those thoughts..hahaha..i dont know wat to say.

weeeeee. i hate my life.. boooooooohooo!!

who will wan to skate with me?

--
1:23 AM

Monday, August 20, 2007 .

staring into the blank lcd screen..
thinking of wat i could do now..
everything that i want to check..
ive checked..
all that i wanna see..
ive seen..
HAHA..holidays are boringgggggggggg esp when everybody else having exams.
boooooooooooooooooooooooo..wat a lousy week i have.
should i or should i not.
lala lala.im getting crazeeeeee.

--
2:57 PM

Saturday, August 18, 2007 .

YAWNNS!
i went to sleep at 9 oclock.woke up from the noise my brother made..
its about 12.45..stayed on the bed for awhile until now.haha.i cant get back to sleep.
boohoo.im so bored.felt like going for a skate..but alone?haha.siannnnn.

pic of my new skates.=)

i'll be getting new wheels and new frames soon enough(thats when i have enough cash)
haha.boredommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm killllllllling me.................
skate or not to skate??
argh!dont care la.just go.haha.ciao

--
1:07 AM

Thursday, August 16, 2007 .

omg this is a must watch for everybody..
stop my music by hitting esc..
get mesmerised,
get touched.. see wat simon cowell has to say..
im so happy for her!!=DD *loves connie


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWNoiVrJDsE&mode=related&search=

--
11:59 PM

Wednesday, August 15, 2007 .

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Bible
~I Corinthians 13:4-8~

haha.saw this sumwhere online.. found its nice.=)

ehh.its been awhile already..
since the 1st day of FYP till now..almost 24 weeks is up..which is almost half a year already.
its been fun, lovely,crazy, and all sorts of things happening around me..
finally come a day, which is today..
i was so down, so stressed up. altho holidays are coming.
i felt lost again..the thought of the warmth of a tight hug came across my mind..
for that once after this period of time, i missed having sumone by my side..
not really particularly who..just that i felt lonely for awhile
moody moody moody..people gonna call me emo gay boy already.haha.

siannn.where is the lovee?is the love?the love?love?

beautiful moments of life.
its short.its memorable..
something so hard to achieve..
=( =( =( =( )= )= )= )=

--
11:54 PM

Sunday, August 12, 2007 .

urgh!!!!!
so sway.. so sway..
the pair of skates im eyeing on..
cant find in singapore!damnnn.
then wan another pair..
dont have my size..
all the nice ones are gone!
seeeeeeesh.

--
1:12 AM

Wednesday, August 08, 2007 .

URGH..some blog thing that's passed around..ive been tagged by 2 person..
Huiting and Irman..DAMnn.

List out your top 5 birthday presents that you wish for:

ONE: Driving license and a 2008 Ford Shelby GT500 =X
TWO: DIVE at the great barrier reef!!
THREE: More and more money to spend. heehee
FOUR: Someone to get on the singapore flyer with. XD
FIVE: GET TALLER...DAMN..

Answer the following questions.
1.(the person who tag you is ...) Huiting and Irman

2.(your relationship with him/her is ...) (H)Friend.. (I)Friend.

3.(your 5 impressions of him/her ..) (H) Adorable person with a sweet smile(I)Cool skater with a nice dress sense.

4.(the most memorable thing he/she had done for you) (H) err.help me with my wound(I) met up at sentosa..LOL.

5.(the most memorable words he/she had said to you) (H)dardar?(I)ASS

6.(if he/she becomes your lover, you will..) (H) HAHA.love her for as long as i live (I) yahh.then we'll be known as GAY

7.(if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be) (H) love me more as each day pass..=X (I)ehh..NO way.

8.(if he/she becomes your enemy, you will...) (H) ignore her?(I)ignore him? (i dont make enemies!!=P)

9. (if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be ...) (H) nahh.wont be (I) nahh wont be one either.

10.(the most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is ...) (H)do sumthing to cheer her up if she's down (I)whack his ass when we go out one day.

11.(your overall impression of him/her is ...) (H)CUTE!.=X (I)Cool.

12.(how you think people around you will feel about you?) Some 19 year old kid who doesnt look like 19 year old and dont act like 19 year old..but im in fact 19 years old now.

13.(the character you love of yourself are ...) Cheerful, doesnt give up easily.

14.(on the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are ...) Being too sensitive bout some stuff. anger easily with close ones.

15.(the most ideal person you want to be is ...) mature but cheerful at the same time.=)

16.(for people that care and like you, say something to them ..) thanks. =)

17.(pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you)
(haha..this is the most difficult part.=X)
1. Sherman
2. Shawn
3. Siti
4. Dominic
5. Aaron(if he has a blog)
6. Laoren (if he has a blog)
7. Qiuling (if she has a blog)
8. Lishan
9. Sarah (RP)
10. MY BROTHER!haha.=x

11.(who is no.6 having relationship with?) HE's in NS!

12.(Is no.9 a male or female?) Female.

13.(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?) WTH..they dont know each other.

14.(How about no.8 and 5?) HAHA. 2 SUPER noisy ppl.LOL.

15.(What is no.2 studying about?) some IT stuff

16.(When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?) ERR. DONT KNW?

17.(What kind of music band does no.8 like?) ehh?chinese songs?

18.(Does no.1 has any siblings?) Yeah..

19.(Will you woo no.3?) HAHA...YEAH RIGHT..

20.(How about no.7?) HAHA..she's my OMOT.

21.(Is no.4 single?) Yepp.

22.(What's the surname of no.5?) SOO.

23.(What's the hobby of no.4?) Computer related stuff..

24.(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?) ehh..alright la.

25.(Where is no.2 studying at?) NYP

26.(Talk something casually about no.1) He's one bastard, asshole...good buddy of mine.haha.

27.(Have you try developing feelings for no.8?) WHAT..haha.she's my nanren..

28.(Where does no.9 live at?) Jurong East somewhere.

29.(What color does no.4 like?) HMM..white or black i guess..

30.(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?) Nopeeeee..

31.(Does no.7 likes no.2?) HAHA!!!! FUNNY!!

32.(How do you get to know no.2?) FYP..FUN YEAR PROJECT.

33.(Does no.1 have any pets?) NOPE.

34.(Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?)hahahaha..weird question..=XX

--
12:06 AM

Saturday, August 04, 2007 .

For just a little while longer, i want it to be only the two of us..
I want you to watch me, without turning your eyes away.. so that i'll be stronger.

--
6:36 PM

hahaha..im suddenly feeling dumb..
weeeeeeeeeee.im crazy.haha.
took MC today.costed me 35 bucks.urgh.burnt a hole in my pocket!!haha..
lalala..went to amk hub after getting my MC.
watched simpsons!!! SUPER FUNNY MOVIE I TELL U..
bought my new slippers!! WEEEEEEEEEe..
went back to sch..everything felt so weird..everybody looked UNfamiliar at all..(except for some.)
lalala.LOOK AT THIS HOROSCOPE FOR PISCES for today i think..

The beauty you see in someone else's romance is completely an illusion. What you're experiencing right now is a classic 'grass is greener' situation, and you are wasting your energy on being jealous of what they have -- because they have nothing special. There's a lot of fear at play in their life, and you should see their relationship as a cautionary tale. Do not settle for less than you are worth just because you are afraid that nothing better will ever come along.

err..went for training.played badly again.stupid.
im hating myself so badly.
JADED is all i can say bout myself.
err.dont know wat to write already..CIAO

*gone for good.

*"old one never go, new one never come."
(in chinese)

--
12:22 AM

Friday, August 03, 2007 .

WEE..VIVO after work today with shawn and sherman..
met up for like finally after so freaking long..
yes yes yes!!attachment is coming to an end!!WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
my sandals broke while walking home yesterday night..barefooted home.haha..
funny and embarrassing moment..XD

decided to give myself a reward after all the hardwork..lol.
soo spent the evening at vivo..
wanted to get a watch + new flips..
NUM didnt have any that i wanted.so gave the flips a miss.will be getting it tmr at some other place..(try my luck)
and i got my 12bucks watch!!weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..happy happy..
after that went to have B&J ice cream!!weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..
"MERLIONSTER!!"
6 flavors icecream, with cookie, banana,1 topping and CHOC FUDGE.WAHAHAHA..
super sinful..haha.who cares..im having a sore throat now..LOL..
ohya.saw margaret when having my sinful ice cream..
i waved at her..shawn and sherman turned around to look at who it was..
and they almost immediately turned back and asked "WHO'S THAT" with the VERY interested look.HAHAHA..DAMN FUNNY.. they asked at the same time la!!!!LOLLLLLLL..
yepp.. caught up alot with them..super loads of stuff to talk about..
bahh..getting late..IM PRONOUNCED SICK..i ain't going work tmr..XD..weeeeeeeeee..

* MERLIONSTER.haha..FULL OF CHOCC FLAVA..WOOOOOOOO.
drooling?wahaha.=P

* My WATCH that costed me 12 bucks!!haha..worthed it right?
its real okay..=P

i aint blaming anybody
not my fault, not your fault
respect ur choice, i wont force
im taking things as they are
natural to be sad.but im fine.
nice memorable times i had.=)

--
3:33 AM

Wednesday, August 01, 2007 .

WOO!!for like finally..im waiting for this day to come..
1st day of august.. ITS A NEW MONTH!!
guess wat, it wasnt raining on 31st July!!wooooooo!!

lets hope everybody will be happy this month..hmm.
kinda hard.cos of all the exams..cmon!! its going to be over so soon!!jiayou alrights.
new month, hoping to see the sunshine once again..yep..cheers to everybody..and myself!!

--
12:38 AM

Tuesday, July 31, 2007 .

FREAKING BAD DAY.URGH.
sigh..i dont know why this kind of thing is always happening to me.

i thought i've seen my sunshine..
i thought everything was going fine..
until that day..i ain't doing good ever since.
was browsing thru the pictures..
my heart felt this itch..couldnt help..
my eye bags welled..
i seriously miss you alot.

--
7:25 PM

whoa..cant believe its week 10 of attachment already..
2 + weeks more to holidays!!weeeeeeeeee..
now im kinda lost..during holidays i'll be super free..
dont know wat to do..totally got no plans at all.
take part time job?
everyday go training?
maybe i shld go back visit my family fer awhile..
but i dont really like the feeling of my mum asking me to go to the factory and stuffs like that..
sucha big responsibility for me??urgh..headache..
i dont like being the eldest son.
thinking of these stuffs really makes my head go ARGH..
im still not ready..
i dont wanna stop playing volleyball.
and dont wanna part with my friends..

stress.. stress..ive been thinking for a few years about it.and i still cant think of any win-win solution...sadness..
sorry if ive been childish..i just wanna have fun now before its too late for me..=(
who in this world will ever understand the position im in..help!!
urgh..sian..

--
12:32 AM

Monday, July 30, 2007 .

WA..SARAH..why of all people u tag me to do this 6 weird thing.
anw here it goes..

RULES:Each player starts off the game by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged needs to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as stating the rules clearly. In the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1)I scratch my head everytime i do something wrong while playing vball..
(i dont know wats wrong with that..but everybody notices it.HAHA.)

2)ZI HIGH..

3)i cant think of any

4)i cant think of any

5)i cant think of any

6)the last one would be my weirdest one, i cant think of anything weird about myself..=X

--
12:56 AM

Sunday, July 29, 2007 .

once again thx to aaron.
spent the night out.
poured my heart out.
reached home at 5 am!!haha.
wanted to go get donuts from donut factory this morn.
but i woke up too late..
3 pm again!!so in the end couldnt get any.
i'll try again next week..

--
6:45 PM

Saturday, July 28, 2007 .

i feel so much lighter now..
letting off everything that's kept in my mind..
high..but sad at the same time.. X)
im gettin crazeeeeeeee..wooo..
haha..thx aaron.. for the trouble of carrying the vodka around.
i love this feeling..seems easy to let off everything!!wooo.
i wanna drink summore..

girls girls girls..
women women women..
urgh..why do i fall in love with them..
some say girls are bitches, some say girls are stupid...
they're the other type of human species that makes me happy..
but they're also the other type of human species that makes me sad..
(no offence yea..)

why?why?why?
do all good things always come to an end?
i'll do anything for my wish to be granted..

feel like having a stop after all these.

but i dont have the courage.
nth seems to go the right way for me..ever.
i hate my life..

--
1:16 AM

Thursday, July 26, 2007 .

To whom that is able to grant my wishes.
here i am kneeling before you.
holding on close to my heart.

i pray for a bright future to come.
happiness; blissful days with love.
those precious dreams that i made.

*please?

--
10:25 PM

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 .

things arent going the way i wanted it to be..YET
but yes im still happy about it!!
its not the end..
but its only the start..=)

ive said it to u and i wanna say it again..
ure worth more than anything else in this world to me..
i will try my best to show u that i'm different from the others..
i miss you.=)

--
1:11 AM

Monday, July 23, 2007 .

忘词
词曲:阿信

嗯嗯搭啦我又忘了
我应该应该应该应该唱什麼我应该应该应该应该怎麼作

嗯嗯搭啦想起来了
我好像好像好像好像应该说我好想好想好想好想对你说

在你的面前我就变得很笨拙就像是一个不断忘词的歌手
我练习过彩排过这个时候却又说不出口

你你的温柔感动了我我忍耐太久内伤太重
在这一秒我一定要说就算失败也不沈默

你你的温柔感动了我我忍耐太久内伤太重
在豁出去的那一秒钟却又忘词我噢噢噢

上一句好像是有关你的形容下一句好像希望你能答应我
我练习过彩排过这个时候却又说不出口

nice game we had against NP,
yes i got my blue blacks and stuffs back..haha..
shows that im into the game and not letting anything bother me.=)
yah.some ugly scenes i had just now,
the ball hit my head..my shoe flew out..
lol..super funny..everybody was laughing at me.
super embarrassed..urgh..stupid..
had fun anw..everybody's happy altho we lost it..=)
lets do better and better and better everytime..
yeap.that's what i like about being in this team..
never once regretted joining the team and i wanna play well tgt with them..
we've done our best..its not like anyone wanna lose the match..and im happy we did well today.
GO GO GO!!!lets play well again!=).
in love with my team mates!=P

--
11:46 PM

no i cant act as though nothing has happened anymore.
=(

--
12:47 AM

Saturday, July 21, 2007 .

i wish i can make everybody happy.
i wish i can be sumone who makes ppl forget things.
i wish i can make her happy..always.

--
3:28 AM

Thursday, July 19, 2007 .

Thursday!!
tmr's friday!!week 8 coming to and end!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
its getting closer and closer to my holiday!!!
im so so so so excited ar!!haha..so so looking forward.
everybody is so busy during this period of time..
exams..projects..sumore the competition is on now..
stressed, tired...EVERYBODY CHEERIOS!!=)

haa.was watching her do her stuffs thru webcam..
i realise time passes fast by watching her!!!haha..
u looked so stressed!!haha..smiles !!=)

tmr will be playing against SP..
hope will at LEAST play well..will try all the best to win them!!
GO GO GO!!!wooooooooooooooooo

ur smile mean everything to me girl.
=)

--
11:25 PM

urgh.
played with ITE today and lost 3-0.
dont know wat happen.
think we made too many mistakes.
yep..
will work hard for the upcoming match..
even if its a SURE LOSE match,
i wan them to win it the difficult way

things will go the good way!!
CMON!

--
12:46 AM

Tuesday, July 17, 2007 .

I LOST MY ADIDAS SHORTS!!!!!!
CRY CRY CRY!!!
SUPER SADNESSSSSSS!!!!!!
ARGHHH..I ONLY WORE IT ONCE!!!URGHHHHHH
EVERYTIME PURPOSELY DONT WANNA WEAR IT COS SCARED IT WILL NOT GET DRY ON MATCH DAY..BUT IN THE END LOST IT..STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!

haha..its only a shorts anw..(but it's adidas and it's new!)
no worries la..wahaha..at most buy new one lor..(but it's expensive!!)
haha..ITS JUST SHORTS..CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLL..

tmr's match against ITE..stupid albert. let me win hor..haha..

I CANT GET OVER THE TRUTH THAT I LOST MY SHORTS!!hahaha

--
11:45 PM

Saturday, July 14, 2007 .

im pinching myself..
i've washed my face..
ive dug my ears!!
listen to this big piece of news yea.

RP girls team won SP 3- 2...
YES!!!the competition used to be dominated by TP and SP..
and everything's changed!!!
GO GO..its all getting exciting now..

suddenly so inspired by them.
altho its quite hard, but im aiming to win both NP and ITE..and after that will be SP..
will try my very best..hope the whole team will do well tgt in the upcoming games..
cmon cmon!!nothing's impossible!!

--
12:10 AM

Friday, July 13, 2007 .

thursday..
which means tmr's the last day of the week!!
week 7 is coming to and end alr!!seems fast..=)
5 more weeks to go!!and i will be free free free!!
2 months of holiday!! how am i going to spend my 2 months of holiday?? *wonders.
yes of course i will want to spend MORE AND EVEN MORE time with my dearest girl!!=)

its been 3 days!3 days since ive seen her..haha.
wonder if i will be seeing her tmr or not..hmm..
doesnt matter..absence makes the heart fonder right?? i hope..=P
gosh.im missing her even when im sleeping!! let me dream of her.
I WANNA SEE YOU NOW.haha.

even the sands on the beach,
is not enough to represent how much i miss you.

--
12:06 AM

Tuesday, July 10, 2007 .

baby u know how much u mean to me.
u make my heart go 190
never gonna let things get in my way.

without u time's crawling
a sec seems like a minute
a day's like a month

oh im so in need of u girl
i love u.
i'll never let u go.

--
11:19 AM

ehh..today's the 1st match of POL-ITE..
VS Republic Poly..
won 3-2 but we played so badly..
kinda stressed and dont understand why i was playing so badly..
and ofcourse i hurt myself again..from all those dives that i did..
luckily not very bad injuries..
im starting to worry about my life when im old..
i bet my body will be aching all over..
stupid.i hate being a human.haha.or maybe..i dont wanna be old..
the girls had their match after ours..
they played alright but still lost to RP..
the opposite of us..they lost 3-2.
kinda sad when i know the result tho..
lets work hard for the next match alright????

im so tired...
for the 1st time im actually feeling tired after playing vball..
i'll be having another match at KA tmr..
i wun wanna dive there..lets just hope i will play well tmr..
good luck to myself!!
imkindalost,shldiorshldinot
idontwannaloseu.thedaywillcome

--
12:17 AM

Sunday, July 08, 2007 .

Saturday.
07.07.07

hmm...a LOVELY day.(as in really full of love)
ALOT of ppl getting married on this day..and..aiya.nvm..lalala.

anw went out with my FYP lab mates.
1st time all 5 of us are going out tgt..hmm..
watched Die Hard 4.0 and ate our so called fav food "subway"!!!
ehh..the day ended with me at jurong..accompanied wensong(of cos i had a purpose on going jurong..hehe..)
then it was home-sweet-home...

*My hair's still long.

*Siti isnt that TALL..tiptoed? HAHA.

sunday
08.07.07

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH..

haha..honoured to see ur name right here??

LOADS of ppl having birthday in this period of time..
countless of them!!

and so i woke up and got prepared to go cut my hair..
guess wat..im changing a new hairstyle!!!!haha..
kay..not so new afterall..its back to how it was.how it used to be.yepp
excited to see??

here it is:

*and presenting my short hair..

seeeeeeesh.anw..
went to sherm's house to celebrate his birthday..(early)
watched monster inc tgt with the ppl there..omg..that show's damn cute and touching..haha.=)
nice food we had..and ima at home now!!lalala..
ended the day..and tmr will be the 1st day of our POL-ITE games!!!
omg..starting to be a lil bit nervous!haha..wish me luck tho..hope i can play well!=)
GO GO NYP!!lalala..
CIAO..

--
11:03 PM

Saturday, July 07, 2007 .

lalalala!!
its the end of week 6 of my attachment!!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOO
i still think its TOOO SLOW...
CAN TIME PASS FASTER..AT LEAST FOR NOW..hahahhaa..

anw life at work really has been damn boring..
ermm..trying not to get late nowadays..
and trying to get work done ASAP..
yepp..my supervisor emailed me and said thx for the hard work and she really appreciated it..LOL
funny..
things getting better all around..
went down to play for coach team just now..
we lost but coach said he did it on purpose for some reason..
IM LAZY TO PUT IT DOWN WHY..haha..
anw..he said that i played really well!!!yay!!
hope i can play well all the way.=D
lalala..

this week's been a memorable one.
ESP 3rd JULY right??
haha..i was crazy..dont know wat came into my mind..
but i didnt regret any single thing i did on that day..=)
i didnt mind the wind..i didnt mind the darkness..
the big grin on ur face that night.. its really worthed it..
in contented as long as i see u smile!!=)
im loving u..
that day is coming real soon..

ur smile.mydrug

--
1:40 AM

Tuesday, July 03, 2007 .

wat shld i say? wat shld i not say?
wat shld i do? wat shld i not do?
i dont wan things to be this way..
everytime i see u not smiling,
the pain in the heart is really unbearable..
im stupid, im useless i dont know wat i am..
all i hope is to see u smile, to see u real happy..
thats more than enough to keep me going..

or maybe im just thinking too much..

i really love you..

--
1:38 AM

Sunday, July 01, 2007 .

heya!!
back back back..its really been awhile..the blogging enthusiasm died down awhile ago..
haha..i used to blog so often..for like almost everyday i think?
no worries im now back in action!!lalala..

been going to attachment, training, attachment, training, and more attachments and trainings.hahaha..this is my life..i enjoy trainings!!
laoren and zhi hong booked out on friday..so he decided to go down to sch to play ball wit us!!
been awhile since we meet up, so i made my way down to trg on friday..=D
i reached at around 7.30 because i had to do some stuff before going to sch..
HEEHEEHEE..u know i know and i dont know if others know..LOL..lalala.
anw..was raining when i reached sch, they were playing at the running track!haha..
didnt bother to wear my shoe so i just joined in..LAOREN AND ZHI HONG BOTAK!!!wahaha..
jealous of my LONGGGGGGGGG hair??=X
PLAYING VOLLEYBALL IN THE RAIN IS THE BEST THING TO DO EVER!!really!!
i loved the rain!!!=D..everybody was W-E-T, WET!wwwwwwwwoooopsie..haha..
went to sleep over at laoren's house with qiuling and aaron after training..=D
loads of craps and talks..loved it too!!
saturday we went out tgt!!!
think its the 1st time huiting and eliz joined us for outing??
haha..yea..our outings are always as fun!!do join us more often..wahaha..=P
BROWN + ORANGE CRPUMPLER FEVER!!!WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
weiming, laoren and valerie bought the same bag as mine!!!wahaha..so cool!!
imagine going to competition and the whole of our team using brown + orange crumpler bags??
SO DAMN COOL RIGHT!.hahahaha
lala. saturday = super fun day.. =)
its always fun being with the vballers.

sunday!!time to spend the day alone..
after all the fun and crazinesss that we had over 2days, i needed a day to settle down..haha..
yeapp.went down to queensway to finally get my new shoe!!!
got myself a handphone pouch too..
fruitful day that i spent alone..=)
played championship manager on the bus journey!!
MY TOTTENHAM IS AT THE TOP OF THE LEAGUE!!PRO RIGHT!!hahaha.

sigh..tmr's monday.and i needa get back to work..attachment!!urgh..lousy place..
tmr is the start of week 6!!=)
i shld be happy that time is going fast.!soon enough 12 weeks will be over and my 2 months holiday will start!!=)

STARDOM!!

CRUMPLER FEVER~~

Huiting* =P

spurs top of the league~!!

*im loving every moment i spend with u
u make me go wild
EMILY

--
6:28 PM

Thursday, June 28, 2007 .

hmm. its been awhile.
things shld be going fine now..
ya.and i said shld be..
cos at times i dont know wat is the truth.
or maybe i am just thinking way too much..
to whom this may concern,
i dont know will u read this or not..but if u do,
please do forgive me..nothing is fair in this world.
ive been in ur situation, its bad i know.
but u have to learn and move on.
its difficult, but u have to..
who knows wat will happen next right??
im sorry and i wish u the best of luck..

--
11:40 PM

Wednesday, June 27, 2007 .

wat can i say...
havent had this feeling for quite awhile already..
this feels SO so SO so SO bad..
so many things i feel like giving up..
just to do sumthing i wanna do..heehee..
but i know its stupid and naive..

my life is part-time,
thinking bout u is full-time.

--
1:10 AM

Tuesday, June 26, 2007 .

wtf have i been doing ??
all these while..
becos of attachment ?? becos im tired ??
i dont think so!!im not tired at all!!im never tired!!
im not concentrating during match?? thats wat coach said..
its kinda true..
but its becos im kinda scared and dont have the confidence??
find out i do much better when not so stressed??
i dont know la..i just wanna do better!!
CMON!

--
12:40 AM

Thursday, June 21, 2007 .

guess wat.. the time now is 7.50am..and i just reach home..
im gonna be so dead this whole day..
day without my phone really kills..

-went to work in the morning..then found out didnt bring my card along so i couldnt go into the office..needa wait for sumone to open the door for me..
-phone suddenly left with 1 bar of battery..shitness..
-things were fine during work..luckily..
-things i did after work..still fine too..=)
-and yea..my phone died on me..argh..freak..
-supposed to meet them 1130 at clarke quay..i reached there early..used public phone to call people..luckily i remembered aaron's number..
-they reached home at 11..so i went down to serangoon to meet aaron 1st..
-changed destination, went to zouk instead..
i dont know how to describe the situation there..was in total chaos..dont even have space walk around..freaking loadsssssssss of people..yea had fun tho..
people who were there:
aaron, lishan, soo wen, madonna, bobby, john, hong tat and me!!
ehh..met familiar faces there..kay..overall was quite fun when the crowd was not as bad.
THE WORST THING THAT HAPPENED WAS I REACHED HOME AND FOUND OUT THE DOOR WAS LOOKED FROM INSIDE..I HAD TO WAIT TILL SUMBODY TO WAKE UP THEN I GOT IN..SADNESS..

i guess i'll be dead..work + friendly later...wish me luck..hope i dont collapse..=X..wahaha..

couldnt stop thinking about u.=)

--
7:50 AM

Tuesday, June 19, 2007 .

wat a way to start my week..
stomach aches, complaints, more work..and more..
lets hope things change as time goes on..
hmm..

forgive me if i did anything wrong.
sorry.
im missing you.

--
4:24 AM

Sunday, June 17, 2007 .

as i awaken, each and everyday,
the thought of ur face overwhelmed me.
the sweet smile on your face,
the glow in your eye....

its been a month or so,
short as it may seem...
but it's been the most meaningful period of my life.

you shall be my one and only love

to be continued...

--
1:30 AM

Saturday, June 16, 2007 .

back back back back!!!!
its friday and this means that "camp"'s is over..
sadness..been having loads of fun in sch..training with the vb peeps..
fun will never end whenever with them..=P
so so wasted that we couldnt stay over..if not i guess it will be so much better!!
im starting to miss the "camp" thing already..
heh.im already thinking wat i would do when i graduate..
sadness..
trg trg trg!!!!
we chiong-ed all the way from morning till evening almost everyday except monday..
but im not tired !!haha..i can still go on!!=P
injuries everywhere..LOL..i got injuries on every single day!
monday: thumb...
tuesday: feet...
thursday: blue black here and there...
friday:blister on my palm and burst it on the very same day..hahahaha..

see how injury-prone i am..wahahaha...
friday's our game day..played captain's ball..if u were there u could see me fly around the court..
and guess wat..i MADE a "shortcut" from our vb court to table tennis court..
i will surely remember that..LOL..couldnt stop laughing then..

i got to see her almost everyday this week..
got to spend lots of precious hours with her..tgt in my beloved NYP vb court..
i wanna thank you for being so caring.=)
i will never forget.
I LOVE MY LIFE...
I LOVE THE VOLLEYBALL PEEPS..
I LOVE YOU!!!

your presence made me feel loved.=)

--
12:31 AM

Wednesday, June 13, 2007 .

Wednesday and it was day to go back for work..
it's supposed to be our "BREAK" day...no choice..
she called me just before i left home..=)
so nice to hear ur voice in the morning..it made my day!!

soo..i reached my workplace at around 9.40....
yea and i was earlier than most of the staffs there!!to think work starts at 9...
heh.. all lazy people!!LOL..
anw..out of my conscience, i asked my supervisor if he have anything for me to help him with..
but..the answer is the same ALL THE TIME...
he'll say...."ermm..i dont have anything for u now..why dont u take a rest first, i'll look for u when i need help."
its like..im spending my time sleeping the whole of today..
wat a waste of my time there..and im paid 600 bucks to sleep?wtf..
i feel so damn weird ar..its not like i dont wanna do anything..its like U dont have anything for me to do..
argh..nvm..im getting paid 600 bucks for slacking..not that bad either..

anw went to catch a movie at the cathay after work..
FANTASTIC 4...nice movie, funny...but its kinda short..

far apart we might be.
lil time we might have.
precious short time we spend tgt.
but its all worthed it.
im in love with you.

--
11:28 PM

Monday, June 11, 2007 .

today's the LAST LAST LAST LAST outing with laoren before he flies off to hong kong..
felt normal at first..just like normal outing..
but as time goes by..i kept thinking it'll be long before i can see laoren again..
kinda sad..
my SHIFU, our LAOREN.....
omg..haha..im actually missing him so much..
=(
sadness.........................................................................................................................................................

hugged him!!!was kinda paiseh so didnt hug for too long and i hurt him..LOL..
when can i get those photos??haha..

nothing lasts forever..there's always a time to part..

another bad thing happened..
camp IS cancelled..somehow..
the sch disapprove us from staying over..
everything planned are ruined..
aiya..its like flopped.. the thing that i look forward to the most...
THIS SUCKS BIG TIME..

--
1:14 AM

Sunday, June 10, 2007 .

let's describe today as....
THE BEST HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE...
wahaha..i have a feeling that im gonna grow wings and fly soon..=x

guess wat..i woke up AUTOMATICALLY without the need of an alarm..wahaha..
see how excited i am???wahaha..COME COME AND FEEL MY EXCITEDNESS..

got prepared and OFF I GO TO HARBOUR FRONT TO MEET HER..WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!guess how i went across to sentosa??
monorail? NO..bus? NO..ferry?SIAO AR...
CABLE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!wahaha..
been soooooo long since i took it..i think the last time was when i was in primary sch..
omg..I FELT LIKE I WAS FLYING..=P

finally at sentosa..
tanned, played...haha..
silly things we did right?wahaha..but i enjoyed every sec of it!=D..
im good at tic-tac-toe okay!..wahaha..
YEA! I FOUND A HEART SHAPED LEAF!!..=P..
lalala..
too bad time passes real real fast whenever im with her..
if only TIME would stop for us..=P
hey shawn..I ATE SUBWAY!!!COLD CUT TRIO!!!PARMESAN!!!1 FOOT LONG!!wahaha..
ARE U JEALOUS???lol..
find sometime go out subway again tgt..our 4 FEET cold cut!=P

went to work in the night..so tired..almost fell asleep!!haha..
nth interesting happened during work..so yea..just skip it..=P

my quote of the day:
"There's ups and downs in life.." and nows the UP part of my life!..=)

PROMISES...hook of our little fingers..=P
i will never break that promise !=D..
LOOK FORWARD FOR THAT 2nd ONE BAH..wahaha..=P

LOADS OF LOVE..

--
1:39 AM

Friday, June 08, 2007 .

how am i supposed to put this in to words..
i dont understand why am i so stupid..
i dont understand why u feel that way..
i dont understand myself..
those tears that welled..

i hate myself for being sucha loser..
i cant even balance between friends and her..
do i really have to choose 1??why cant i have both..

friends..i thought u are supposed to understand..
ure really putting me in a very difficult situation..
i dont wan to be the kind of person u say i am..i know im not..im just trying to be fair..
hope u really understand wat i mean.

i love u as much as i want to see u every single day..
i shall stop being secretive..so im announcing this:
I LOVE YEO HUITING!

--
2:23 AM

Thursday, June 07, 2007 .

kay..
attachment really sucked..
now i really know why people always say studying is the best part of ur life..
im MISSING FYP so much..the 3 months where i can come to sch late..
the 3 months where i can spend my afternoon with my besties at KOUFU..
making so much noises that everybody in that place is looking at us..
the di di di di di di di game..LOL..can never forget..
im missing sch so much..hope i can get past this 3 months quickly..
my reward for being hardworking this 3 months..is that 600 bucks pay that im getting each month..wahaha.sigh..
that short paragraph made me "high" for awhile..thinking of those fun stuffs that we did..yah..i hate panasonic..i hate working life..
3 months..not able to be in sch..loads of things i will surely miss..
this and that..argh..why must i be in year 3 now..stupid stupid stupid stupid.
shitness..

pictures i drew using "PAINT" at work..

missing YOU*

--
12:14 AM

Tuesday, June 05, 2007 .

monday blues..work sucked..
dont wanna talk about it..i simply spent 8 hours there doing almost nothing..
no internet...it sucks to the core..

went to watch her match after work..tired, but still made it..=D
missed her so much..=X
spent a lil while more time with her, her bestie and my bestie..
really laughed my ass off..i got cheek cramps and stomach cramps now..
time passed real fast..tml's tuesday..
its been sometime since i went to training..i miss training!!
looking forward..hope tml's training is fun!!=D

i'll be changing my blogskin sometime soon..
look forward to it bah.wahaha.it'll be nice i guess..

--
12:18 AM

Monday, June 04, 2007 .

first of all i have to say sorry........
for being so unfair to u..and being so busy these few days..
didnt even have the time to really settle down and talk..

i need a break..my body's not co-operating with me..
so much to do, yet so little time..

shopped around with my parents for the past few days..
they came to visit me and my brother..and partly because of GSS..
and this morning went to sentosa as the last outing with LAOREN and HONG CEK..
was really fun but i missed the steam boat session...if only i could go!!argh..
went to work half heartedly..
if u were given these 2 choice which one will u pick?
-go for a steam boat session after sentosa...(last outing day with 2 friends.)
-go to work as a replacement of a friend who has 2 exams the following day...

ARGH..im feeling JADED!!..really..fatigue, shagged, watever....
really freaking tired from all these things...
can i get a break?? i wanna go somewhere relaxing..
i wanna sit by the sea, listen to the sound of the waves, look at the gorgeous BLUE sea..
I WANNA GO THAILAND!!!! KOH SAMUI!!!!i miss that place so much!!
omg..really beautiful clear blue waters..BIG waves..ENDLESS SEA...arhhhhhhhh..
some one please bring me there!!!haha..
im planning to have a break next weekend..heehee..any nice relaxing place to introduce me?? (singapore of cos..im not planning to go overseas..wahaha..)

--
12:27 AM

Saturday, June 02, 2007 .

didnt have the chance to blog yesterday..
so im gonna blog about2 days in this post!=D

VESAK DAY...
supposed to spend the day praying..but to my surprise, no one was praying..haha..
soooooo in the end proceeded with our DATE..
woke up esp early that day..to prepare and such.
heehee..went to JE!!!=D.
okay..yea..gonna summarise..
went olio, eat ...choc fondue....then movie...
heehee..loved it so much!..

hmm..today's kinda boring..just that went to work and went to meet my parents for shopping and dinner..
she lost her match to smb..can feel that she kinda pissed and sad..
hmm..haiz..felt kinda sad to see her that way too..
hope everything will be fine tml..no matter wat happens i'll be here for u..=)..
smiles always k?

here are the photos!=D..love love

SWEET! ain't she?=)

lovely lovely..=)

FEET-ish

Our love!=D

--
1:27 AM

Thursday, May 31, 2007 .

woke up late for work today!haha..luckily my aunt woke me up..
i got on the bus at around 9..i got a seat and almost immediately i fell asleep..
couldnt even keep my eyes open for more than 10 mins!!haha..
i woke up..and found out i was like 2 bus stops away from mine..
LOOKED OUTSIDE AND IT WAS DRIZZLING..
i reached my stop..then it started raining!!HEAVILY!!!sucks..
i was really damn sway in the mornin..so in the end waited for awhile but the rain just didnt stop..so i RAN in..haha..wat a way to start my 3rd day of work..
work work work..its getting damn boring..when i see everyone rushing for time and they dont have time to assign me with a job..practically slacked for the whole morning...
had a very early lunch..cos i was too hungry !!
work came after lunch!!yay..finally something to do..
i think i took too fast to do the job..=x..i spent only 30 mins!!!
wahaha..cos i was like rushing thru it..i thought they needed it badly..
but found out i made alot of errors!wahaha..so had to edit it..took quite awhile to finish my job..
time was like passing so slowly..i repeated the songs in my psp for the whole day..got bored of the songs!!!wahaha..

I WANNA BUY BISCUITS, SWEETS, CHOCOLATE AND A CUP for myself at work..wahaha.
ohya a sudoku book too!!!=D..can train my brain..cos i think my brain is dying soon..
im starting to like forget things so easily!!shitness...i dont wanna get old yet..=P

went to sherman's performance..I ACTUALLY SLEPT THRU OUT..except when he performed la..wahaha..cos i was so tired and hungry..went to eat then went home le..
i dont knw wat else i wanna blog le..wahaha..

CHOC FONDUE AND MOVIE !!=)...lalalalala..cant wait...

im a happy man.

--
1:22 AM

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 .

hmm..
just felt like writting some stuffs down..
wasnt feeling very good on this particular day..

yeap..things happen around me..not the best of things tho..
felt kinda sad and wasted..dont really understand wat happened..
but i hope things will be fine soon enough..
yea..no point looking back..all u've got to do is look forward..
there are surely be better ones out there for ya..right??ya know wat i mean..

to love and being loved..i can say that it is the most fortunate thing to happen..
it's sweet for 2 person to love each other..to care for each other..
i see couples, i see break-ups, i see patches, i see hatred..everywhere..
ive been thru all these too..and im happy that i've learnt quite a number of things..

we guys..
people say girls think differently from us..
i dont really know..
all i understand is that we are super sensitive towards relationship stuffs too..
we might look okay..we might sound okay.. but the feeling inside..
sometimes we think too much..because we wan the best for our loved ones..
sometimes we do silly things..because we wan to show that we really care..
sometimes we are scared to promise..because we are afraid that things might happen and the promise is broken..
there are so many other things that we do that the girls dont like..
but when we say the 3 words..we mean it from the bottom of our heart..
im so not confident of myself..
i really dont know how to say this..
but im missing you so much..
i dont want to lose you..you are now a part of my life..
let this last as long as possible...forever if possible..

problems problems please go away..

let this world be a peaceful one..

let this be forever..

--
12:46 AM

Tuesday, May 29, 2007 .

its been awhile since i blogged..few days ago??
anw there'a a good news for everyone!!!
GREAT SINGAPORE SALE IS NOW ON!!!wahaha..
OMG OMG OMG...shitness..time to spend money!!!
i got this list of things that i wanna buy ..heehee..hope i can get the money soon..

::GREAT SINGAPORE SALE WISHLIST::

-Levi's WATCH

-REEF shirt

-REEF pants

-black colour tshirt

-JEANS

-havaiannas slippers

-and more..i cant think of it..

hmm..how much will all these cost??omg..think almost 1k..=x..

wahaha..shit la..shld have saved up more money!!!.

now im so poorr.suckkkks..hope 1 month faster over..then can get my pay..wahaha.

today's my 1st day of attachment..

okay everything is fine there..the attendance is kinda relaxed..ppl are kind..

BUT..im like surrounded by chinese!!omg..

im kinda stressed up now..needa help them rush their project stuff..cos the deadline is so near!

hmmm..tired tired tired..i went down to training after work..40++ mins journey ..

sian..i will reach sch 7 oclock every training then..

ohya!!wilfred will be giving us excuse letters for the camp!!!!yay!!!!!!!so so happy when i heard that..i was like jumping up and down!!wahaha..=P

working + training is really tiring...im having half day off tml to go back sch to submit my AES..

hope can get to see her!!=D

i shall stop here..tada!

how much im missing you..

--
12:27 AM

Sunday, May 27, 2007 .

arhhh..im a tired but happy man!!!=D
life's been G-R-E-A-T!!!
so so busy with everything..
Project, Work, Volleyball, and..*ahem..wahaha..=x
im so so so lazy to go to work now..
i was hoping i can say that i wanna stop working when i start attachment..
but they phsyco-ed me!!! argh..
im so WEAK-minded..hope i can really say that i wanna stop some time soon..

attachment gonna start so soon..haiz........it sucks!!!
im so not confident of myself..im so afraid of alot of things!!!haiz..
so many things im thinking now..i dont know wats the outcome..
i dont know wat i should do right now !! im kinda lost somewhere..

hmm..i think..some things are going kinda fast..i dont know if its me or wat..
im scared of some things..haiz..and im afraid of losing something too..hmm..

ANW..SINGAPORE FLYER!!!I WANNA GO TRY IT OUT NEXT VALENTINE'S DAY!!
WITH HER!!! PROMISE!!=D

--
12:36 AM

Wednesday, May 23, 2007 .

back!
haha..been awhile since i blogged..
was once a frequent blogger..but now im starting to get lazy again..
don't worry!i will still blog but maybe not as often..=D
been such a busy person i shall say..
no stops for me..GREEN light all the way!!!wooooooooooooooooooo..
monday to friday is almost the same..
i would get up at around 11am then go to sch..
and will either go to work or training at night..(i would rather go trg..=X)
saturday and sunday is always full of activities too..
im loving my life so much!!
its really nice to be tired in the day and go home and get a nice nice sleep..

yesterday and today was exceptional..
got home early to rest..it's been awhile since i go home and still see my aunt, cousins, brother, grandma still awake..
and yea i had a nice nap just now..wooooooooo..
and now the stressful part comes..i'll be staying up fthru the night to chiong for the last time for my project..dont know if i can finish it in time or not..just hope i do..=)

attachment briefing was in the afternoon..
found out i will be missing the volleyball training camp!!sigh..
i think i will be going to work in the morning and come back sch for trainings..
i dont wanna miss the fun..and dont wanna miss the time with her.=X
hmm..things been going pretty well for us..
and i loved every second that ive spent with her!!=D

should i or should i not.?

--
9:19 PM

Monday, May 21, 2007 .

Laoren didnt wake up to come hg sports hall this morning..so he didnt wake me up..
we both were so tired..
slept all the way until 11plus..the woke up to prepare to go to PHS to watch her match..

im early..reached yck at 1.05....
stepped into the hall at 1.30...
the match just nice just start..
her team won!!=D

sat around the court for very long time..till 6 plus..
decided to go laoren's house to play..

i dont know wat im feeling now..
suddenly feel so moody..
dont know wat im thinking, feeling, or watever..
argh!!!why am i like this??stupid mood swing!LOL

--
12:35 AM

Sunday, May 20, 2007 .

woke up early in the morning to prepare to go to work..
IM SO LAZY TO WORK NOW!!!haiz..but i cant quit!!they still need people..
and i myself wanna spend on my own earned money..
trying my best to be independent.=P
work was quite slack! i almost forget all the things le..
LOL..i was so slow just now..too long nv go work le..hehe..

lalala..work ended at 4 plus..they gave me cheesecake to eat!!yay..haha..
hmm..Sherman came to wait for me..wahaha..
ok...siti woke up so late..shawn got grounded..then in the end left sherman me and dom..
went to play LAN.
CAN U BILIEVE THAT THE LAN SHOP DONT HAVE COUNTERSTRIKE??LOL!!!
THEN WE WANTED TO PLAY BATTLEFIELD BUT THEY ONLY GOT LIMITED COMP THAT HAVE THAT GAME!!!OMGGGGGGGGGGG..
SO WEIRD!!!!

we got so bored..so played TD for awhile then go off le..
went to paradiz centre..went in Kbox, then the staff welcomed us in,
guess wat..we were there only for the toilet!!wahaha..
hmm..anw..paradiz centre is so nice!! there are people singing!!lala..
heard this girl sing..her voice is so nice!!then when it was the guy's turn, it spoiled everything!
wahaha..

hmm..overall today is fun fun fun..except the LAN..hmm..
im waking up early tml..im gg hg sports hall to watch wensong's and weisheng's match..
then lunch and then to PHS!!!=D
im so so looking forward..i can see her play!!lalala..
yay..will be going out with her and her bestie 2ml..=D
hmm..

miss you..

--
12:40 AM

Saturday, May 19, 2007 .

its all coming to a point.
i dont know how im gonna start this.
i dont want history to repeat itself.
sometimes im scared.i still dont have my self-confident too.
and.i hope nobody gets hurt.
hmm..
like you said.we've known each other barely a week.
let's take things slowly shall we??
i knw i wun change my mind..dont worry..=D

friends, friends, friends..
work, work, work..
love, love, love..
how do i arrange them??how do i make things work out like how i wan it to be??
i dont want to make the same old mistake that i did..
at the same time, i dont want other problems to arise..
please please please let it work out this time...
i dont want to lose her..EVER!!

ur face keeps running thru my head.

--
1:45 AM

Friday, May 18, 2007 .

haha..
all smiles and full of excitement.
im living life the way i love..and the way of life i dreamt of.
thinking bout the past..haha..laugh it off..=D
silly me.

haiz.project deadline almost reaching..
argh dammit.
then attachment company called..
I WILL BE ATTACHED TO PANASONIC..
hope its near the sch..hmm..so that i can go back sch to have trg!!=D
yay..just checked..and i found out that i got strait bus to sch!!

hmm..yesterday nv blogg..cos was tiredd..and busyy..wahaha..
went amk hub for lunch.!!=))..so fun!!haha..walked around..2 hrs passed damn fast!!=(..haha.
lalala.overall yesterday was damn fun!!=DDDDDDDDDD

today's also not that bad..i went to library and she was alone.so went to accompany her until sharon came..omg..she's so cute ar!!lalala..=P
TRG!!!was fun..played matches and we got into the same team..playing with them for the 1st time..fun fun fun..
she got jersey no.16!!!..i wanna change with jiajing then..then weiming take 17, i take 16, jiajing 15..dont know if he minds or not..hope can change!!=D

misses..

--
2:30 AM

Wednesday, May 16, 2007 .

i havent had this feeling for so long..
im enjoying it so much!!
i kninda understood some stuffs..
omg..its like..yay!!!!!!!!!!

i woke up late today!!
shawn gave me a morning call..my throat was so SORE!i cant even talk properly..
didnt feel well too..so took PANADOL EXTRA!lol..went back to sleep for awhile..
felt sooooooooo much better when i wake up..got ready and went to sch..

i must buck up on my project!!!cmon cmon cmon!!faster do finish!!
hmm..argh shit..mind block..dont know wat to write..
I JUST KNOW IM LOVING EVERY SECOND OF TRG JUST NOW..=x

--
12:35 AM

Tuesday, May 15, 2007 .

so everything happen for a reason..
who knows that passerby is sumone who wans to break the friendship between us..
who knows that passerby did that on purpose..
i dont like the way u deal with things..
i know u wun care bout my comment now.
so if u really think its that difficult to trust me now..then i cant do anything to it..
u shld know me well enough.i dont like to make enemies..
i dont like people to hate me..
but if there isnt trust between friendship, then wats the point.
i dont know why that comment of a passerby will make u that way..
its just a passerby..do u trust him more than u trust me?
i really dont know wat to say..
too bad for me then..ive just lost a friend..

woke up early today..
had sore throat and feeling abit unwell..
but i still dragged myself to sch..
so i reached at about 9 ++..its early okay!!
and by the time i reach sch, i was feeling damn unwell..
went to buy panadol EXTRA..ate it after subway lunch(with laoren,hong zhou,qiuling,sherman)
talked crap there..and i felt SUPER hyper..panadol rocks..wahaha..
bought subway lunch for shawn..yea!!doing good deed and i got my return so fast!!
I SAW HER AT SOUTH CANTEEN!!lalala..oops.=x
anw..talked crap at south canteen for quite awhile..
went back to lab..and found out i only have this week to finish up my project..
URGH..CMON DENNY!!
TRG WAS DAMN TIRING TODAY..
I LOVE IT..=D

--
12:27 AM

Monday, May 14, 2007 .

the freaking tag..
the idiotic passerby..i dont know who the hell are u..
why are u assuming things when u dont know the truth..

i told u that i really have nothing to do with it..
biliv me or not..thats up to u..
i explained to u..and ur reply was u dont know and u dont wanna care..
u told me u really wanna be friends with me..
but how come u let this kind of thing ruin the trust between us??
in the end u still dont believe me dont u..

my patience have its limit too.
if u dont need me as a friend then so be it..

--
5:47 PM

Sunday, May 13, 2007 .

hmm..Olio needs people now..but i really cant go work today..
im so so so sorry..my sunburnt is really damn bad..u will know if u saw me at sentosa..
practically the worst burnt person there..its like a burn in a burnt kind of thing..
my skin isnt red..its freaking PURPLE .haiz..2nd degree burn??
and i think im having sore throat too..sucks
michelle needed my help to work today..Kent is on mc today..Olio needs me to work..haiz..
im really sorry i cant go work today...SORRY K??

from the start of the year till now..12th may is really the most enjoyable day of my life!!
i TRULY enjoyed the day..if only the day doesnt end..im gonna join the event again next year..=)

stayed over at laoren's house the day before the event..had alot of fun there..
Qiuling, Hongzhou, Soowen, Sherman, Wensong were there..
Lishan and Kaini was also there..but went home at dont know wat time.
watched videos, talked crap..spent the night tgt..haha.nicee.
i loved the laughters!=D
slept at 4 plus..woke up at 5 plus..haha....got ready and left !!yay!!
even the journey to sentosa was fun too..wahaha..=D

reached sentosa and registered ourselves in..
my grouping sucked...we met ACES..hongzhou'a team..and another one..quite pro..
EVERYTHING WAS SO FUN..even tho we lost..wahhaa..
1st match we didnt play well..but the 2nd match we were quite good la!
but by the time we got our morale and such, it was already quite late in the game..haha.
nvm..loved the match..I "CHA SAO"-ed 2 nice balls..=DD..my fav..wahaha..
Zhi Hong told me the opponent squat down when they saw me jumping up..LOL..hehe..
see i so pro.oops
the other teams did quite well too..and the most important thing is..
EVERYBODY ENJOYED THEMSELVES!!=D
saw she at sentosa..heeehee.hmm..lala.she's so cute and sweet!!=x
watched 1 of her match..she played quite well.but still lost..haha..
she was kinda sad..i felt kinda sad for her too..oops.=x
lalala.i loved the day..the pictures will be psoted once i get them..=D

PHOTOSSS!

--
3:59 PM

Saturday, May 12, 2007 .

I SIMPLY LOVED THE BEACH!!
im so so addicted to playing there now..i feel like going there every week..LOL..
i got a VERY BAD burn today..its like a burn in a burnt..LOL.i dont really know how to explain..
anw today's the ripcurl vball competition..TEAM seventy-nine!!
hmm..we didnt do well today..or shld i say./.not up to expectation...we had high hopes and stuff..
but it doesnt matter!!we played well and enjoyed ourselves..
TEAM NYP DID OUR BEST AND WE HAD FUN..LOVED IT..=D
will do more updates later..i needa rest..

IM' BURNT.TIRED.

SENTOSA SILOSO BEACH ROCKED ON MAY 12TH..

RIPCURL VOLLEYBALL COMPETITION.

--
9:33 PM

Friday, May 11, 2007 .

blog blog blog..today's a very tiring day..im so freaking tired!!
and i think i hurt my neck during training!argh..pain pain pain..

nothing much special today..just that i loved the trg just now..
hmm..
team seventy-nine members were all there..so played 4 v 4 match..
WE WERE ALMOST DOMINATING ALL THE WAY LA..
haha..anw..i think i played okay today..not that good but still acceptable..
hmm.coach let me play spiker please please please..wahaha..if only i taller or jump higher..=x
arhhh..sian sian sian..tired tired tired..i love being tired!!it feels nice...
hmm..went down to khatib to eat...THE GAME SHOP CLOSE ALREADY!!!arghh..
AND I HAVE TO WAIT TILL NEXT WEEK TO MAKE THE LED!!!!SO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg omg omg omg omg...I CANT WAIT!!!!

hmm...missing you

--
12:19 AM

Thursday, May 10, 2007 .

hmm...
i dont have the mood to blog..
anw..today's fine..wasted the whole day at mac and tried to solve the project thing..
then went to work..kinda busy..
had more fun than i used to..
i still get jealous a lil bit..i'll try my best to let u go..
we'll be friends..good friends..best friends..or i dont know wat..
just hope we will always keep in contact..
remember i will always be there for u if u need help..

loves.

--
12:59 AM

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 .

wat am i thinking now..wat am i doing now..
why am i like this..i hate myself..
after sometime, i thought i got over her..
seeing her doesnt make me feel that bad anymore..
but after the talk that we had yesterday, everything seems to have gone back to how it was.
im not blaming her..i forced myself not to talk to u for so long already..
so i thought i will be fine..but after yesterday..
i found out its not yet over..i suck.

haiz..u know i still like u right??
why do u still ask me if i have a new target or not..
u wan me to look around and see other people..
u know how hard im trying to forget about u and try to accept others??
its really difficult for me to do that..i dont know why..dont ask me.
i tried almost everything that i could..i can never stop thinking about u..
wat is the fastest way to forget??
brainwash??accident??
i knew letting u go wasnt that easy.why didnt i realise that..
im hating myself every single second.
i feel like fuck.sumone please bring me out of this..
i really want to get over it!!this feeling sucks like hell..
i would pay for sumone to knock me down, so that i can forget..please.

those blog posts..used to be written for me..
im so selfish..haiz..why do we have to end up this way?
is there really no chance for us anymore?
we can only be friends?cant i be ur special one?like how it used to be?
haiz.why why why why why..
its really very torturing..argh.

bukan diriku by samsons.(another very nice song!will be better if u understand the song..nicee)

--
11:13 PM

how much i wanted to tell u everything.
how much i wanted to see u.
how much i wanted to have fun with u.
how much i wanted to listen to u talk.
how much i wanted to be with u.

nobody will understand.

when u need sumone, or some help..
i will always be there for u.
maybe u wun need it..but i will always be waiting for ur call..

forever.

--
1:50 AM

hmm..tried waking up early today..
but was simply just too tired..
i dreamt alot..thats because i didnt have a very good sleep..
dreamt of somethings..then wake up..went back to sleep..
then dreamt of sumthing else..then wake up again..it just goes on that way..
dreamt almost everything..the ~~nice~~ things, the bad things..haiz..
in the end woke up at 12..went to sch and ate lunch..
time's really running out..i dont know how im gonna finish my project..

my sunburn gonna kill me..it hurts damn bad..
im so afraid of ppl touching my shoulder now..
i need ALOT of aloe vera!!
i dont wan my skin to peel!!!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW.

saw her on my way to trg..1st time having indoor since club crawl..
missed the indoor court..nice..had fun..=)
hmm..haiz..
went to yishun for dinner..
the popiah aunty still recognise me..haha..
after so long..hmmm..haiz..

everybody's tired..after all the trainings..
ppl start to have conflicts..
i get worked up so easily..or i shld say almost everyone..
haiz..let the problems be solved soon.

seems like im dreaming.haiz.

missyou

--
12:32 AM

Sunday, May 06, 2007 .

everywhere..everytime..
places that i go..there are always memories of u.
is this a good thing or a bad thing??

woke up so early today cos meeting the vball ppl at harbour front on 930am.
we're gonna go SENTOSA!!!YAY..

BEFORE:

The monorail station i've been looking for..hmm..remember..

AFTER:

Think my sunburn is worse when we leave sentosa..

anw went to sentosa to play beach volleyball..i played okay..quite bad actually..
hmm..maybe cos we arent use to playing on sand..
ohya..i saw the island..
the small island that is connected to the main island by small bridge..
i remember something again..the HUGE wordings that we did..
i remembered it so clearly..hmmm...that was so so long ago..misses..
remember?hmmmm..
maybe u do..but it doesnt matter to u..

anw..we went off early..then walked around vivo for so long!!
just to decide wat we gonna eat..LOL.in the end we went to eat THAI food..
YEA!my fav..had green curry with RICE..(THE RICE's REFILLABLE!!POWER.)
ate lots of rice..in the end my tummy came out again..IM PREGNANT ONCE AGAIN.
after that went to walk walk..went to pull and bear..love their clothes..
went to candy empire..the stuff're expensive!!!
bought a 1 dollar chewy sour candy..LOL..lasted me for awhile..
VERY NICE CANDY..haha.

Then it was time to go home..haiz..i always hate going home..
still havent got used to going hougang strait home everytime..
hmm..

LOVED:
-the sun
-the beach
-the seawater
-the sunburn
-the company
-volleyball

*things:
sentosa.monorail.volleyball.siloso beach.
will i be the 1st one u call if u need sumeone?

--
10:46 PM

1st thing i gonna announce is THIS::

WHITE face plate with RED buttons.

RED faceplate with WHITE buttons.

omg..i just love my psp so much..LOL..IM GONNA ADD SOME MORE MODS ON MONDAY!!..
CHECK IT OUT SOON..wahaha..LOVE LOVE LOVE...
im currently using the red faceplate with white buttons..maybe will change when i get bored of it...LOL..

anw..didnt blog yesterday cos i reach home late again..bout 5 am ...
yesterday went to sch then go out with the vball ppl..saw meiru and renhao in amk hub..
HE's botak!!LOL..LOOK SO FUNNY!!!i cant stop laughing...lol..

hmm reach home late cos went to watch spiderman 3 la..
hmmm...haiz..some of the parts reminded me of stuffs..
i love it when aunt May talked bout how uncle Ben proposed to her..
haiz..so many things i wanna say..so many things i want to change..
i knw there are things happening at her side..
its been so long..hasnt it been resolved?haiz..
wat can i do?

hmmm....today didnt go to work again..
i know i must have made a wrong choice of not going to work..
hmm..i dont know la..just hope everything is fine..
arghhhhhhhhh.. sometimes i feel so fucked up..and i have no one to share it with..
i really hope to have u in my life..haiz..

who will ever replace u in my heart?
if only life is just like the movies..

press esc to turn off bg music..

Kenangan teridah by Samsons (very nice song)

--
12:07 AM

Friday, May 04, 2007 .

woke up so late today..
then in the end reach sch in the afternoon..
hmm..attendance list now is at the supervisor's room..cant be late anymore..suckssssss..
im gonna die..

hmmm..i think im gonna repeat my FYP again..
stay for 3 more months..shitness..haiz...
my project doesnt seem to be progressing much..and im left with 2 more weeks..
im so FREAKEDDD..i'll die..

went down to training today..
really nothing much la..just went there to play vball abit..teach the new ppl abit..
she isnt there anymore..
hmm...haiz..dont know when will this thing stop bothering me..

haiz..i feel so restricted talking to her now..
there are like so many things that i cant say, i cant ask..
hmm..yah..will try my best to finish my part and her part of volleyball with the no.12...
will do my best..dont worry..i will make NYP's no.12 a good number.=)

hmm..dinner after trg was GOOD!!haha..
another free meal..just when i needed it..im so broke..wahaha..
that cute little hairy thing in our food again..and ONCE AGAIN...
madonna was the one who saw it..so fated with "zhang lang"...
wah lao.THEIR FOOD GOT ROACH STILL WANTS US TO PAY...
where got such thing..wahaha..i think next time really can bring dead roach there already..=x
hmm..aiya..but 2 meals is good enough already..lol..
dont think we will be going down again..haha..gd luck for the ppl eating there next time..=x

haiz...12

--
12:37 AM

Thursday, May 03, 2007 .

didnt blog yesterday..
COS I ONLY REACHED HOME AT 7AM IN THE MORNING LA..
went to dunno wat "lao kopi" with madonna till 3 like that then sherman joined us..
then continued talking and crapping for awhile.then in the end have to send madonna home.
then by the time reach her house already bout 4 am..then she so indecisive!!!!
wan go sch or not oso dont know..lol..then think think think..think till RAIN la!!!
then in the end went to opposite kopitiam eat breakfast..
eat eat talk talk..then 6plus already..then wait for cab..then take cab home..
so reach home bout 7 AM!!

anw..yesterday public holiday..so didnt go sch!!yay..haha..
so the vball ppl decide to go KBOX!!yay..so so long since i go le..
we went to toa payoh one!!haha..hmm..reminded me of some memories when i reach there..
nice memory tho..=)..
hmm...ya..alot of ppl went..think got 13 ppl ar..LOL..so many!!so we wanted 2 rooms next to each other..haha..1st time like that..
so fun!!!LOL..1 room is the siao siao room..then the other is the room sing all love song one..LOL..
we didnt do it on purpose la..but just coincidence..wahaha..
hmm..sang till 3 plus..then we went to walk walk..
-TPY central, then i bought a new black FBT shirt..yay..
-then went down to heeren..to submit our RIPCURL beach volleyball competition form!!=)
5 groups!!lets see who goes the furthest!!yay..
-went to CINE!!wowwwwwwww...
didnt watch movie there..but instead went to eat, then go E2MAX...wahaha.
played CS there..wahaha..not bad ar..i still got the kick..lol..so long nv play already..=)
FUN la..
then after that went to arcade play abit then go eat again...
hahaha..been like eating for the whole day like that..
I ATE SO MUCH...I ATE ALOT OF COOKIES TOO!!!
yea..then after eating we went home...(supposed to)
then in the end go "lao kopi" thing..

thats all for that day..LOL..
now for 2day...hahaha..

woke up at 11.30 like that..then prepare prepare..then go HG mall..
then go make that idiot guy ezlink...then go TPY AGAIN...
to buy that idiotic person's shirt and shorts..
then go back sch..REACH AT 4 OCLOCK LA...
THEN MY PROJECT SO MANY THINGS TO DO..DIE LIAO LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa
I THINK I GONNA REPEAT MY FYP...SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTt..
arr....help me please!!!

went down for training..training was quite boring for me..
didnt get to spike and stuffs...stand around pick up ball only..sucks..
haiz...when will coach really train a libero?haiz..
so this year i will be getting a SPECIAL colour shirt..
we're getting adidas jersey!!!!!!!YAY...i wan no.12..
went to eat after trg..
I ATE SO MUCH..that i had a belly that look like im pregnant..lol..
i ate really really alot...wahaha...
hmmm...haiz..
saying bout no.12........
i missed her on the way home..
things arent the same anymore..

she's already sumone else's angel.

--
12:04 AM

Tuesday, May 01, 2007 .

lalala..
VERY FUN DAY FOR ME!!!yay..
dont talk about wat happened earlier the day...lol..
some things cant be said u know wat i mean..
only me and that person knows..LOL..
does this paragraph sound suspicious enough?

anw went down for training..hmm..i know i lied saying about my project la..
but anw..if yaiching really finds out the truth..hmm..im prepared for watever thing they wan to do to me..
LOL...maybe like...SACK ME??wahhaa.
aiya..im really sorry la..but i really dont feel like working..
i already told him i cant work on monday already..but he still put me..
anw..training was fun!!mata went down..too bad wilson and tracy didnt..
hmm..anw mata told me i really improved alot le..
YEA I GUESS SO!!!cos i knw im doing this for myself now..lalala..i said i wan to be good at volleyball and im sure i will!!!hahaha...
yeah!!even coach told the new libero guy that if he wants to be a libero he must be better than me!!!WAHAHAHAHA..
SO HAPPY + PROUD!!!!!!!!!!!!yay....
cmon la..how many times do coach say good things about me??lol..
think this is the 1st time..wahaha..lalallalala..im loving it..

anw during dinner after our training...
SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPEN!!!wahaha..

SEE??SEE??see that little thing??the cute little thing??wahaha.
he must have been hiding inside the SHEN MIAN...
then shld be drowned to death when the chef poured the gravy on the bowl..
POOR THING LA...wahaha..
anw..after madonna confronted the manger, WE GOT OURSELVES A FREE MEAL!!!
YEA!!thx ar mad..lol..
next time shld bring a dead roach along..then put inside the food and get free meal again..
if they dare to ask us to pay then can threaten them that we gonna complain to ministry of health..LOL...
BEST AR..
lalala..anw thats all for my FUN DAY..wahaha.

I LOVE MY LIFE!=D

--
1:05 AM

Monday, April 30, 2007 .

i slept till so late today..i slept very late yesterday..
i couldt fall asleep..

i somehow is starting to get used to how life is now..\
i'm glad i am..actually its all thx to my lab mates..wahaha..
fun ppl la..so nice to meet them at this timing..lalala..

hmm..slowly bah..i know i still like her..but yea..
i think its impossible for us to get back tgt..
unless she gives me another chance..
hmm..not gonna be emo anymore..LOL..
im not emo boy la!!
see how things goes..live life happily, without regrets..
never give up no matter wat happens..=)
time to get my self-confidence back..

lalala..i still got my pri sch frns

sec sch frens

vball teammates

AD classmates

BLOCK R lab-mates

and so many more..

Friendster Horoscope for April 30, 2007

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
The Bottom Line:
Transitioning into a new phase has been hard. You need to give yourself more time.
In Detail:
'Out with the old and in with the new' -- this is much easier said than done, so if you're having a hard time transitioning into a new phase in your life, relax and give yourself some more time. Make the wait a little bit easier by hooking up with a friend who always makes you laugh. Take in a movie, a ballgame or some sort of passive activity that will allow you to sit and relax together. Enjoy living, and stop worrying about what you're not doing right now.

--
12:43 AM

Sunday, April 29, 2007 .

hmm..still havent sleep..
suddenly saw this msn pop up..a familiar DP with a familiar msn nick..
i knew it was her..clicked on it..
the chat window poped up.....
i stared into my monitor for dont know how long..
i dont know wats stopping me..but i cant seem to make myself type sumthing to her..
then i stared at her nick the whole time..seeing it change from time to time..
i cant get to sleep..

and so i viewed the msg history..
everything changed so fast..time pass very fast too..
it already almost 3 months..

my 100th post here.

--
2:52 AM

hmm..i slept so late yesterday..so tired too..
been so busy for the whole week..its either training or work after sch..
kinda fun..but i get really tired very fast now..
sumtimes still will miss the old days.hmm..

anw..woke up at 10 today..supposed to reach olio at 11..
i RUSHED and got there on time!!haha..lihai bah..
the work isnt that busy..worked till 5..
hmm..saw her bag in the locker..then suddenly saw her walking in..
i was on the phone..she didnt look good..as in..she didnt smile at all..
why...haiz..
i hate the way everytime i see her, and she doesnt talk to me..
it feels so weird..haiz..does she still hate me?

met up with shawn, dom and sherman...
we are planning of going sumwhere to watch the MAN U VS EVERTON match..
man u down 1- 0 at half time..
went down 2-0 just after 2nd half start..
BUT THEY CAME BACK TO WIN THE MATCH 4-2!!!!!!
just how great they are..i love MAN UTD!!!

suddenly thought that 90 mins of soccer is just like ur life..
nothing is predictable..
i can lose sumthing now..but as long as i dont give up..i can win it back..
so many things that i thought during my trip home..

today's FUN..=D

i wanna have the heart of a red devil.

never give up no matter wat happens.

--
12:47 AM

Saturday, April 28, 2007 .

today's a not bad day..
woke up to alarm at 7.20..but went back to sleep cos i was so tired..
i cant even open my eyes for more than 3 seconds..
so in the end woke up at 11..
reached sch at 12..YEAH i did sumthing..Siti i already fixed the Java thing for the linux..
TOMCAT CAN BE RUN NOW!!WOOOHHH.
so so happy just now..for the 2nd time im actually concentrating on my work..
gonna do that for the next 4 weeks..and im sure my project will be done sooner or later..=)
*confident..

hmm..today's the last day for FJ..they gonna close down and make sumthing new..
hope its sumthing nice..wahaha..like wat shawn was saying..SUBWAY....lol
if subway is to open in sch, im gonna eat their cookie every single day..wahaha..

i missed volleyball cos of work again...haiz..
and yea as usual..work is damn slack..everytime i go to work, Olio gets damn quiet..
dont know why..seems like im some "sway" person there..
uncle johnny said sumthing to me..
the feeling was weird..i dont know if i was sad or wat..i really cant explain how i felt..
its like..the feeling is different from how it used to be..
if it was few weeks ago, i would have turned moody ..
but i was alrite..but i still felt sumthing weird!!!
haiz..wat can i ever do?wat am i thinking?
am i still the little boy that i used to be?
who will ever appreciate this little boy?

will u ever give us both another chance?

--
12:25 AM

Friday, April 27, 2007 .

slept well..cos im so so so tired..
had a VERY ~~nice~~ dream as well..If only i never woke up..
one of the BEST dreams ever..shant go into details..
so freakingly disappointed when i found out that im just dreaming..haiz.
do dreams ever come true??

hmm..lots of people telling me that the story that i put up was very touching.
obviously its not written by me..tho maybe the writing style is bout the same..=x
thx for reading my blog anw..never knew ppl read my blog..

my life now is like so meaningless..dont know wat im doing every single day..
seems like spending the day without any aim or sumthing..
it feels so weird..
argh..wat is the real meaning of life?i still dun understand..

didnt go down for training cos ive got work today..
she was there.haiz..her cheek is still swollen..
issit really rash or wat?didnt dare to ask more..just hope it will be ok soon..
hmm..wondering non-stop..

lacking a chance.

--
12:06 AM

Wednesday, April 25, 2007 .

first thing..
gonna set up a NYP-vball blog... nypvolleyball.blogspot.com
the template isnt really done yet..will try to do it ASAP..
yay..and ppl are supposed to post stuffs there..use it for some kind of notice board or sumthing.
please update the links if u have blog..lol..

went to find shoe b4 going to sch today..
saw mizuno WAVE lightning 3...freaking expensive ar!!!!!!!!!!! S$169!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wan that shoe so badly..the red one!!!arh.
wanna buy a new shoe cos the old one is gonna spoil..and i dont wanna spoil it!!
got some memories from that shoe..lalala..

anw..today's training can be counted as cancelled..
only 1 person from the guys team went..which is me..
the others are either new or graduates or girls..
haiz..i feel so so so so weird being a senior...
err..dont know how to say..but i feel weird teaching them..
(when they are like actually bigger size than me..)
hmm..just hope those ppl liked the training today and come again..

haiz..times running out..work's pilling..
i dont know if i can finish the project on time or not..
im so scared..

today's overall was a fun day..busy from the start of the day till the end..
i only have this little time to write these little things..
hmm..hope her problem gets settled soon..

hope everything will be fine..

--
11:44 PM

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
By Cai Zhi Heng

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed mywife. But I couldn’t help doing so.

I moved Dew' s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I’ve got something to tell you, I said.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I’m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month’s time before divorce, and in the month’s time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn’t want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with romantically.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don’t tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn’t notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

i hope i can carry u out every morning..
until the day i leave the world..
i really love you..
i regret so much.

--
12:50 AM

Tuesday, April 24, 2007 .

when will the tears stop flowing?
when will i stop thinking of u?
when will i really understand?

so feel like telling you..
u really forgotten..
actually i still love u..

--
3:39 PM

hmm...today's monday..so so tired and didnt feel like going to sch..
so i slept until 12 woke up and prepared to go to sch..
reach sch at bout 1..

nth special..just that im starting to panic about my project..
5 more weeks to go and we have so much to do..
shitnesssssssss..

err..training today..i wanna improve so fast..
new comers.and all not bad..scared i cant even get into the team..sucks..
haiz..
anw i stunned myself for awhile just now..did sumthing extra ordinary..
im gonna train even harder this time..
her sch gonna start next week..
wonder if im gonna meet her or not..
wat will i do if i meet her??
wat will i see if i meet her??
how will i feel if i meet her??
haiz..i still miss her, dont i??

i know im gonna let her go someday..
i dont know when..but i hope it will be soon..

suddenly thought of last time when i just first joined vball..
never have i thought of joining vball..joshua pulled me with him..and i went..
i continued on vball cos im trying to get over stuffs.
and at a point of time..i played vball cos of her..lol..
she liked vball..i i wanted her to have a bf who is good in something that she likes..
i thought of quitting vball when we broke up..
i couldnt enjoy myself..everytime i see that yellow and blue ball..i thought of her..
trained 2 years plus becos of her.
becos i wanted to go to competition, do something extraordinary..do sumthing good..
and let her be proud and tell people that i am her bf..
lol..all those thoughts..haha..like kinda childish when i think of it..
but now..im enjoying vball so much..i wanna play well..
this is the last thing i can do for her and myself bah..
hmm..if only she has been with me during trainings, during club crawl..
aiya..time really has erased me off her mind..
when will she be erased off my mind?

when will this be over?

--
12:15 AM

Sunday, April 22, 2007 .

started work at 11 am today..tired and sleepy..
held thru till 5..
55-60 pax at one go..omfg..all those stupid idiots..
busy busy busy busy..had no time to think about anything at all..
ate at olio fer awhile after work..
with fangru, chun jin and her bf to be..
the 1st time talking so much to fangru..watever.
she came...noticed sumthing...
her cheek is swollen..she said its rash..haiz..just talked about it few days ago..
why is almost every single thing that i dont wan to happen is happenning now..
all those things that i worry are happenning..why?
why dont i just stop worrying and nothing will happen??haiz.
something should be bothering her now..and i really dont know wat..sucks.makes my mind go wild.

went to meet edmund, alex and laoda..ate again..at chomp chomp..
went to 1ce^3 (ice-cube)...
ate ice cream..i ordered chocolate ice cream..then i wondered for awhile..
if im alone i never used to order chocolate ice-cream..haiz..
everybody's still asking me about the same old thing..
i never liked to get in between 2 people..
she's with sumone now.she's happy that way.
both her friends are happy with it too..
when will i really let her go?and stop thinking about all these things?
i really dont know..
soon?how soon?i hate the feeling of knowing sumone u love with sumone else..
i dont wanna cry anymore..i dont wanna be hurt anymore..
i hate to love u so much..haiz..
please return the part of my heart.so that i can keep it to myself.or give it to sumone else..

shld have known that butterflies dont like shit..
butterfly is beautiful, elegant, colourful..
shit is dull, ugly, smelly...
how will a butterfly stay long with a shit.?it wont happen.
butterflies like nice things..flowers..
butterflies like to fly freely..
the butterfly can fly freely with the dragonfly..
while this piece of shit is left on the ground. hoping that it can fly too..

promises are always broken..

--
11:01 PM

worked early in the morning 2dae.
started at 11...ended at 4...2dae's kinda weird..
and i found out some stuffs..
dont know to be happy..or just wanna leave it alone..
im starting to let go..bit by bit..and soon enuff, i will let it go almost completely..

2dae's my turn to wait for sherman.i waited for 6 BLOODY HOURS..played my psp..
got a new game..NICE!!=P..
hmm..stayed at olio for that 6 hours..almost went crazy waiting for that idiot guy..wahaha.
went to catch a movie..WILD HOGS..ITS DAMN NICE!!!!FREAKING FUNNY SHOW..haha..
loved to movie..loved the laughter..loved myself being so noisy once again..
but still missed some stuff..stupid..haha..
anw..the movie not only was nice..it made me realise some stuffs too..
"the test of love."thats what i found out.
i didnt pass the test.the love wasnt strong enough to pass the test..
maybe i might think that i lost something so so important to me..
but if i had thought deeper, i would have found out something else..
"u lose something, and u gain something in return.."
i lost her..i gained myself friends..not only 1..but four of them..
IF we are still tgt..being the old me..
i wouldnt be spending time to make noise with them,
hang out with them, creating havoc with them, and do stuffs im doing now..
i love the life i had with her..
but i too love the life i have with my friends now..
if only i could have found out this earlier..
it would be almost perfect..=)

sometimes i still think about those days i go out with her and stuff..
its weird enuff that im not sad..but i would be smiling to myself..thinking how fortunate issit to be loved..i know i will always have this nice memory in my head..i appreciate, i thank you..

L-O-V-E...
who can ever tell me wat it really means..
spending every single second with that person?
thinking about that person every single second?
wanting to care about that person?
wanting to protect that person?
wanting that person to be the happiest person on earth?
doing every single thing for that person?
kissing, hugging or making love with that person?
having to start a family and live tgt with that person?

so so many kinds of love..different people have different views of love...
neither i nor her was wrong...
we just had different view of love..
wat i tried to do was to try to supply her the income to do things we liked..
to worry about her..scold her to show that i worry..blah blah..
wat did she mean by love??maybe i didnt understand..
hope the dragonfly can be with the butterfly..
and hope things go their way..happiness to u two.=)

Tuliskan kesedihan, semua tak bisa kau ungkapkan
Dan kita ‘kan bicara, dengar hatiku
Buang semua puisi, antara kita berdua
Kau bunuh dia sesuatu yang kusebut cinta
Yakinkan aku Tuhan dia bukan milikku, biarkan waktu, waktu hapus aku
Sadarkan aku Tuhan dia bukan milikku, biarkan waktu, waktu hapus aku
Tuliskan kesedihan, semua tak bisa kau hentikan
Dan kita ‘kan bicara, dengar jiwaku

--
2:54 AM

Saturday, April 21, 2007 .

just like usual.
every single time before i close my eyes to sleep..
every single time when i open my eye to welcome a new day..
things will be running through my head..
all kinds of feeling..
its okay..i guess everything will be over so soon..i hope.

today's kinda a wasted day..
never really did anything fruitful..
reached workplace at 7 plus..and dont know why my leg been so pain for the whole day..
maybe cos of clubcrawl..played too much..=X..
work was alrite..just that felt kinda tired..
Sherman got nth to do then waited for his friend..then they waited for me..LOL..
i missed dobby ghaut station for the 2nd time already.idiot..waste my money..
she only worked till 9..talked a lil bit..she called me denny-boy.
everyone starting to call me denny-boy..
see wat i mean?ppl take me as a small boy..my looks, my name,and watever..
im not childish..
felt sumthing weird when i saw her leaving..
lalala..dun care..
and..i think there's sumthing happening at her side..dont know wat..
but hope it will be settled soon..=)

2ml gonna work at 11 in the morning..dont know wat to do in the morning..
wanted to ask her..but didnt have the chance.haha..guess i will be dead 2ml..
i suddenly thought of her on bus 165..and i fell asleep..haha..weird..
kinda miss some stuffs actually..
anw.i still havent get the club crawl pictures!argh..
AND RIPCURL BEACH VOLLEYBALL COMPETITION IS COMING!!!
sch gonna sponsor 3 TEAMS!!WOOOOOOH..
and guess wat..i shld be in the strongest team..lalala..YAY.. *proud
so so so looking forward to that event..
then thought of last year's event..she didnt join..but she was there..
the allergy..haiz..i was so so worried for her..hope her skin will get better..
so she wun have to suffer that kind of things anymore..haiz..
blah blah..hope we can get far in the competition..=)

how are u?

--
12:36 AM

Friday, April 20, 2007 .

had a lil bit difficulty sleeping the night before..
dont know why think so many things..
went downstairs to drink sumthing and thought things thru..
spent awhile and finally went back to bed.
slept..

and again..i wished i NEVER wake up from my sleep..
wished can go on dreaming..all the ~~nice~~ things.
woke up and forced myself to forget..

went to club crawl again..today's a slack day for all of us..
and the number of ppl who signed up really decreased by alot..
practically playing vball for the whole club crawl..
crashed, tumbled, destroyed, hit......
dont know how many times we said sorry to ppl...wahaha.
i made up my mind to play as a libero le..altho i will try to be a spiker still..
hmm..see how la..
club crawl ended just like that..all the fun..haha nice time i had..

went to work..worked with her..
new part timer..fang ru sister..
shawn came with his gal and rukia..
LOL..dont know wat i shld say...
anw..i just know that i have to let her go..and live on with my life..
i kinda like my life now too..friends..fun..havoc..its almost like those old sec sch days..
maybe sumtimes will feel abit lonely..but it doesnt matter..
i got music to accompany me..=)

i wanna be so good in vball..and i wanna be a free runner too..
*hopes..work hard towards it..

road to recovery.

--
1:17 AM

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 .

i hate to sleep.i wanna stay awake for as long as possible..
cos whenever i sleep..i will dream about the ~~nice~~ things..
i hate to wake up.if i sleep.i wanna sleep for as long as possible..
cos everytime i wake up..i think of her..
i dont know how long this is going to go on..
i just hope i can get over everything so soon..
for i know its impossible for everything to go back to how it was..
i have to learn to let go..i have to learn to forget..
i guess things are going so good for her..
maybe he's really the guy for her..hope she doesnt get hurt anymore..
hope everything goes smoothly for her..

today's the 1st day of club crawl..i still dun have the pictures yet..lalala
as usual there are like more girls than guys who join us..haha..
anw didnt really count how many ppl gave us their contact..but it was quite alot for 1 day..not badd..
played vball inside the sports hall..so so crowded..the ball kept flying and hitting people..
cheerleading team booth is beside our booth just like last year..
then were discussing how come girls wanna join cheerleading..they get touched all over by the guys..not only by 1 but all of them..
if i have a gf i will never let her join la!!

play time pass real fast..everybody's tired.so came back home strait after club crawl end..hmm..felt so weird..
saw bus 854 on the way home..found out i havent took that bus for awhile already..
bus journeys are lonely again..side seat gonna be empty for quite awhile..psp is being wasted nowadays..only used to listen songs..
not gonna share earpiece anymore too..left with the dirty oily window for me to rest my head(eeee, not gonna do that)..shoulders felt lighter too..

how i miss those days..memories..

lonely bus journey home..

--
5:55 PM

PARKOURING....FREE RUNNING.....
have always been so into these..never had the time..
maybe can start practising and stuff now..haha..
maybe just do some simple simple stuffs..
anw..here's a vid on PROS..
ohya.can press esc to stop the background music.

omg..i hope 1 day can make my own vid..wahaha..*dreams

free running is a sport..

--
1:41 AM

Tuesday, April 17, 2007 .

okay..woke up late this morning..and yea..some ~~nice~~ thoughts came into my mind..didnt want to think too much about it so i think i fell back to sleep..wahaha..
and i dreamt of those ~~nice~~ thoughts again..so woke up bout 30 mins later..forced myself not to think about it..so yea..today's alrite..
went to sch to meet up the vballers to prepare for our club crawl booth..(THIS YEAR BOOTH MUCH NICER THAN LAST TIME LA..AND WE HAVE SANDWICH BOARD TOO~!!)
i did some letterings on the sandwich board..NICE OKAY..haha..might post up the photos soon..
had fun during the making..MY NICE WHITE REEF PANTS GOT PAINT!!!urghh..shitness..
dunno can wash it away or not..if not sian...kay..just now suddenly thought of last year club crawl preparation..mata, yawen, andrew, adrian, alex, her and me...prepared the lousy looking banner..lol..hmm.yea.and i guess i was missing her..then to think of it..yawen and andrew were still tgt at that time too..they broken up and moved on with their life..why cant i??felt so much better after telling myself that..=D
had fun just now..hope will have more fun during the actual club crawl..
club tee on wed and orange jersey on thurs..needa wear shorts...omg..lol..

VBALL rocks..
i wanna recover soon..=)

--
10:14 PM

Monday, April 16, 2007 .

ok.finally had the courage to say things out..
and yea..the way she talked to me..it shown everything..
think its the end for both of us..being friends?dun think its that easy..
maybe if i leave her alone she will even be happier..

all those hopes i had..i have to clear them now..
she USED TO love me..but she doesnt NOW..
i have to see the difference..i have to accept that she really have changed..
patience have its limit..she reached it..and she chose to be this way..i respect her choice..
im a human too..and i have a weak heart..
i stayed strong to go thru these days..altho she has hurt me so much..

people say best revenge is to have a better life than hers..
but her frens say the same thing to her..its just consolation..
maybe even if i risk my life to save her..she wun even appreciate..becos her heart is already with sumone else..

sometimes i feel so funny when i see ppl change..
humans are always selfish..the moment they change, they wun really care how others feel..
and go for sumthing else..
i dont know how to put this into words..

all those small things i loved to do..means so much to me..
folding ur uniform sleeve..
sharing a locker..
wearing the same shirt..
having compatible things..
and helping u do all those small things......dont know how u feel about those things..maybe im just childish..
or maybe other things mean more to u..
maybe i really dun understand u enough..so many maybes..

those tears u used to shed for me..even for the smallest things..
im sorry..
but i wanna tell u that all those worries about u i had..just shows how much i loved u too..
girls show their love by crying about the guy's things...
and i show my love by worrying about u....i used to worry so so much for u..
practically almost everything...even trainings..im just thinking too much...
i think i was over-protective..but..maybe u might think that i dun even protect u or watever..
but sometimes i just dunno wat to do and felt useless..but i used to tell myself that i will never let anything bad happen to u..stupid thinking of mine..

i have been sucha different person almost since i got tgt with u....
and to think u said i never change..it hurts..
maybe everytime we quarell, its becos of my short temper..
but after awhile i will cool down and think about wat happened..i said sorry to u..
argh..so many things i wanna clear up..

haiz..dont really know why u wanted to get into that relationship when the kind of guy u like is not my kind..
u like someone mature..u like older guys..u like romantic guys..
im playful..im childish..im not romantic..
haiz..im almost totally opposite to wat u like..
why u used to tell me u like me this kind of guy..
if u tell me..at least i would have changed..
i really dun understand alot of things..
u have been observing me since ur birthday..
why u have never told me anything..
i always thought i have been doing fine, seeing u happy..
i bought a DS for u, u were so happy..but in the end u told me wat u wanted isnt DS..
i really dun understand so many things..

i know alot of things happened because of me..
haiz..argh....i feel so fucked up..
do u even care??we just broke up..and im sumone u used to love..
i dun understand why u can forget every single thing..
i cant..to be honest..i cant dun care when i see sumone who i used to love is in need or wat..
haiz..
I HATE ME..
i cant make u love me..i cant force u to love me..
if u really love sumone else now..
all i can do is give up..
and wish u all the best..
and wish i forget about u..
i will not interfere with ur life anymore..
and i will not let u interfere with my life too..

its so difficult to let go of those things..
but i have to forget u..this is so hurting..
the more i try to forget..the feeling just hurt even more..
when will i learn to let go??
i hate to cry..but i just cant help it..
every single night..i cant get to sleep..thinking of u..
dear god, please make me forget about her soon..this is too cruel for me to handle..
i love u..really..thats why i try so hard to forget u..
im so lost..i so so hope i can be back tgt with u..
but i should accept the fact and move on..
wat should i do to forget u? i love u so much

thx for the friendship..
thx for the nice memories..
thx for everything u have given me..
thx for all the time..
most importantly thx for loving me for that period of time..
bye..

why am i so so so so so so so so WEAK!!!!!!

--
7:14 PM

so wat if she really loved me last time..
i really loved her too..its just that i always get too worry for her..even the slightest things..
u think i got angry because u went out that night??
u think i care where u went??the thing i was worried was u leaving ur house...
yawen house..fine..u still need to walk there right??
u know how worried was i ??i thought u went to her house alone..walked to her house alone..
u know wat time was it??u didnt even tell me yawen and shuchen were there to fetch u..

fine la..it was my fault to get angry..its also my fault of getting worried..
everytime we quarell is becos i get angry too easily..i get jealous and worried so easily..
its always been my fault..
u are so perfect..see who is the lucky guy who gets u..im lucky to have u for a year plus..
and my time is up..its now sumone else's turn..

i wanna settle this once and for all..its either u understand me..or u dont..

--
3:16 AM

okok..its almost clear now..
im waiting for her to tell me the truth..
dont keep things from me..please
if its really true..
i will wish u 2 all the best..

am i angry or wat..
all these while, all the little things i do to make her life simpler.
she never seem to appreciate.
and now she does this kind of thing..
i knw its not wrong of her to do these things..
but at least tell me..i can accept it..
im the kind of person who will give up if i see u with another guy..
i dun like to destroy people's relationship..

--
1:54 AM

ok..i dunno am i thinking too much or wat..
im feeling so weird..
oh freak..
there is surely sumthing on..
sumthing that she wun want to tell me..
sumthing that everybody is keeping from me..
argh..dun tell me this is really happening..
shitness..wat am i going to do..
at least tell me wat is going on..
omg..wat is this feeling..
why issit so weird..
im feeling practically everything..
im scared..im sad..im nervous..
omg..wat is happening..sumone please tell me..
omg..i can feel my heart pump so fast and so hard..
SHITTTTTTTTTT

--
1:07 AM

dont bother about "the last post" thing anymore..
dont think will stop yet..cos..of that misunderstanding..
everything is back to the sucky days..
when will things be okay..
i dun mind waiting for a month, 2 months, a year, or more than that if i can get a lifetime of joy.

--
12:22 AM

Sunday, April 15, 2007 .

haiz..problems starting to come up again..
just as i thought everything will be ok soon..
she came to talk to me..i was so happy!
but when i saw the words she said..i got confused..
when finally i understood her..i feel so maligned..

dont know how u gonna trust me..
dont even know why this happened..
dont know why they said those things to u..
i trust them, thats why i told them..
i told jesvin not to talk to u about us anymore..
haiz..
u're sumone i love..why would i want ppl to think that ure the bad guy..
ive been accusing myself for not being good to u..
ive been accusing myself this break-up is all because of me..
everything has happened because of me..
i still tell people why u are the best girl in the world..
i tell people i still love u..and i really do..
but ive made up my mind..
to get back with u or not..it doesnt matter..
i want to show that i can change and i WILL..

nobody can understand me more than u do..sorry..
still trying to make myself trustworthy..

my heart just broke into pieces.

--
12:12 AM

Saturday, April 14, 2007 .

Things i believe i can change and will change.. :
-impatient
-gets mad easily
-get jealous easily
-useless thoughts
and more.

childish is wat people see in me..i dun believe i am..i know im not..
maybe the way i act and do things makes people think so..
u people who think i am..are u with me 24/7? do u know wat i think?
do u even understand me?..
cmon..ive been independent since i came to singapore which is 10 years ago..
so many things that i gone thru, alot of people wun understand..
i always wan people to see me as a cheerful person..
some people think i have no stress..sum ppl think im a happy-go-lucky person..
my looks + laughter + the act cutes = chilidish.
i choose to be this way..being this way makes people around me happy..
i love seeing ppl happy.

okay.
this will be the last post in this blog..
i dun care if i will be back with her or not..i hope to be.
but its only hope..not all hopes comes true..
now wat i wan to do is to show that i can change..and i WILL.

signing off.

--
1:13 AM

Wednesday, April 11, 2007 .

went to vball chalet.
had fun for awhile.
felt miserable at night.
so missing sumthing.
didnt really sleep.
now in sch.
everything feels negative when ure so tired and miserable.
argh.

how to solve this prob?

where are u?why arent u online for so so so so so so so long?

1 day seems like a million years to me..

i wanna talk to u..i still dunno why things turn out this way..

really no way of solving this problem??

haiz..i wanna buy a time machine!!i will do anything to get my hands on one..

i will send u every single night home..i will be with u every single second..

haiz..

seeing couples on the street never been so sucky..jealousy..regrets..

seeing u right in front of me and i cant talk to u..i felt like a million tonne wall crushing my heart.

can u tell me everything?why things go this way?

scold me if u wan..scold anything..i wanna feel how u felt..i wanna understand everything..

haiz..i so so hate myself..so so so feel like giving up everything and just leave..i cant go on this way..haiz..let me die please..let me forget everything please..

why am i so weak..i wish im so so much stronger..

haiz..does anyone understand how much pain im feeling?

i thought trying to be happy can make me forget.

but..the happier things get..the more i think of her..

IM SUCH A FUCKING LOSER.

--
9:03 AM

Monday, April 09, 2007 .

the feeling is here again..from the moment i open my eye till now..ive been thinking bout her... every single hour..every single minute..every single second..i wanna know what she is doing..i wanna know how is she doing..i wanna talk to her..
2 days ago..i smsed her in the middle of the night..yesterday i called her..and just now i called her again..for that few seconds when i hear her voice, i really dunno how to explain that feeling..actually i have alot to say to her..everytime i plan, but in the end when i hear her voice, everything is ruined..i just dunno how to say and even forget wat i wan to say to her..
is this really the love i wan??
i wan it to be how it used to be..i miss her alot..
i love her..thats why im trying so hard to let her go..so that she will be happy..
show me that that guy love me more than i do..

why love if it hurts?

--
11:19 PM

Sunday, April 08, 2007 .

歌曲：安静

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你

aiya...just cant get to sleep without blogging..
2dae so so moody..didnt talk much..cos been thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking..
DIDNT STOP THINKING AT ALL..lol...
wonder if anyone is willing to go overseas to study with me..at least i wun be alone..if she is willing, i will be the happiest man on earth...so happy that i might be able to fly!!lol...if she really willing i can even save up from now and help her pay all the stuffs..wahaha..think too much...stupid..aiya..dunno shld go or not...sucks..i hate to be alone...i hate to be lonely..
i miss her i miss her i miss her..

i just wan to live a normal life with full of love..

--
7:58 PM

Saturday, April 07, 2007 .

hmm..woke up then went to airport to fetch my parents..
kinda miss them la..hmm..then we went to hg mall eat cartel..hmm..
I PAID FOR THE MEAL!!yay..felt so different for me being the one to pay for my family..hmm..used up quite alot of my money..but it was worthed it..this is why i work..to spend it on people i love!!yay..still felt missing something..if only my parents could have accepted her..things might be different?haha..im thinking too much again..
anw went to suntec after lunch..saw this Daihatsu coper!!!so so scute and nice..I WAN TO BUY IT!! $68, 888...wonder how am i gonna get so much money..lol..anw Mazda RX-8 was $97, 888......my parents said they were CHEAP..omg..i wan i wan i wan i wan i wan!!!haha..COPER!!!
hmm..then went to Olio to sit around and talk..ate stuffs..anw..Zt told me michelle told jesvin that i was there...she saw me??sumbody told her i was there??aiya..actually wanted to see her de..but was too late..she end work already..hmmm...shh..
hmm..talked so much with my parents..in the end they decided to pay the tuition grant..so i wun be staying after i graduate to work for 3 years..WHICH MEANS I WILL BE LEAVING SO SO SOON..i didnt have anymore excuse to stay behind bah..i used to argue and say i wanna stay at singapore...cos of her..but things are different now..so i got no choice but to agree with them bah..so i guess i'll be flying to xiamen to continue my studies...dun even know if she will miss me or not..haiz..its so difficult to leave every single thing behind...
k now i hate my life..haiz..how much i hope i can stay..to see her for a few more years..

hate hate hate hate to be like this.

--
11:38 PM

hmm..
it been 35 days since we broke up..
how did i survive these days?i oso dont know..hmm..
35 days without her just went on like that..
these days are the most lonely days of my life..
time really flies..so fast..i dont even know wat will happen 2ml or watever..
wat has she been thinking?i dont know..
wat have i been thinking?alot..
from my point of view..she really has got over everything..and seems like she already got a new love..haha..good for her anw..
i myself now dont even know if i have got over it or not..i still will feel worried for her and such..sometimes can get hurt too..but everything seems to be better each day..
i thought alot of things..some things i understood..some things are still not understood..
people around me are still constantly asking how am i with her..everytime i hear them ask, i can only say its like that..
haiz..i so so so so so so so so so feel like getting a new job..so that i totally wun see her..so that i wun realise wat i have lost..cos everytime i see her..i can only stand at a side and sigh.and tell myself its all over le..then i will realise that i have lost sumthing so important to me..then when i start thinking about her liking sumone else, i feel so stupid and useless..then i will wish everything is back to normal..but it never happens..and that feeling sucks alot..
when i was unwell..i was so so hoping she would sms me to ask me take care or sumthing..or ask how am i or stuff..it never happen again..im like always dreaming and hoping too many things..all those dreams, hopes...never come true..and i will always be the most disappointed one..that feeling sucks alot too..
now i know it sucks to be a pisces..everytime do things will stupidly go think about how ppl will feel..so so sensitive..sometimes its good la..but not everytime it will turn out to be good..then pisces oso will day dream alot..having alot of hopes..where actually those dreams usually never come true..then will get disappointed..actually when i was still with her..i got so so so many hopes and dreams that i wished would happen..but never did..got disappointed alot too..maybe thats why i used to get angry easily..sucks..
i hate myself so so so much!!i cant even make her laugh..i cant even make her feel secured..i cant even make her feel protected..i cant even make her feel cared..i cant even make her feel loved..
last time..and now oso actually..i always day dream i can save her from this save her from that..give her this give her that..do this to her do that to her..so so so so many things i hoped i can do for her..but never had the chance..1 stupid thing i thought of doing once was...when chatting with her online..then i wanted to get a cab to go to her house to give her surprise when at home my brother would talk to her acting it was me..i so so so so wanted to do that..BUT I AIN'T GOT THE MONEY!!sucks..haiz..actually i planned so so so many surprises for her le..
now things become like this..in the end all those thinking got wasted..i know now watever surprise i give her now oso no use at all le..LOL..imagine sumone u dun like give u surprises..sill surely feel so akward la!!
haiz..FYP gonna end..and my attachment gonna start..dun even know if got time to go Olio to work with her or not..sucks la..life is so unfair..this goes on and our friendship might even die out sumday..haiz..
saying bout that..i suddenly thought of last time..when she used to sleep beside me..sleep on my shoulder..everytime i see her peaceful sleep, i feel so so fortunate..so so feel like holding her tightly in my arms and kiss her..then i will think wat if one day i really have to leave her??wat will happen to us??will we really be tgt forever??i hoped i could see her sleeping peacefully beside me EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!!haiz..hopes...its all over le..
she used to be sumone that i can talk and say everything with..i used to say all my problems to her..all my stuff to her..i feel so comfortable talking to her..i really miss that feeling..miss everything..miss her..
say say say..i say so much le oso no use..this blogger thing oso wun reply me one...haiz..so many things i wanted to do for her..haiz..its over le la!wake up..

living in my lonely world..

--
1:13 AM

hmm..worked 2dae..then...things happened there 2dae la...hmmmmmm...
omg..they were like so scary la!!!!haiz..
at 1st i was thought they were scary...then the more i thought..the more uneasy i felt..
they surely hate michelle to the bits!hai..good friends gone just like that..
haiz..and the think im scared most is sumthing might happen la..
aiya..blame my stupid brain..everytime anyhow think..but this kind of thing really very difficult to say de la!!haiz..
hope nothing will happen..please..
anw did sumthing so so stupid la..i called her, just wanna knw if she is alrite..then i actually lied saying i call the wrong number..=x
anw she's fine and im relieved..happy happy for now..

wat can i do to protect her?nth.

just pray for her safety.

--
12:18 AM

Friday, April 06, 2007 .

也许痛的感觉证明了爱的深浅
i dun even know if she knows that im trying so hard to keep the friendship with her..
i wanna console her..talk to her..make her happy..
but it seems like almost every single thing i say or ask..
her answer will either be "orh", "i dunno", or "so?"
its like so difficult to continue to talk with her!!!!!!!!!
omg la..i hate being me so much..why cant i be sumone else..then she wun treat me that way le..
life sucks..the heart hurt so much..

my heart no longer pumping blood anymore..
its pumping tears to the eye..

--
2:59 AM

yay..finally olio need ppl..asked 3 of my friends go..lol..got 3 more company le..
anw something happened at Olio..so fucked up..of all people, this happened onto her..DAMMIT LA..THAT IDIOT ASSHOLE WHO DARE TO DO THIS TO HER...DUN LET ME CATCH U!!!!!!!
URE GONNA DIE SO SO SO SO SO SO BADLY..I CURSE U..
they are accusing sumone..but without evidence la..hmm..WHY MUST U DO THIS TO HER!!!!!!! ARGH..IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hai..she must be thinking why is she so useless..everytime borrow ppl thing then will end up bad..she once borrowed her brother's friend mp3..then spoiled it..then now this..
i cant do anything to help..i cant do anything to console her..wat shld i do!!!!
im feeling so useless!

--
2:13 AM

Thursday, April 05, 2007 .

dunno how to put my feelings into words now..
its like..i wanna everything to go slow...
i dun wan to run, i dun wan to hear fast songs..its like no fast things for me now..i hate them..
feel so hurt..dun really wanna say wat happen here..
small thing..but the impact is big..
i really deserve this??haiz..
feels like a million nails protruding my heart.

left to bleed.

--
12:57 AM

Wednesday, April 04, 2007 .

so bored + so lonely..
friends cant be with me 24 /7...
i still have the lonely feeling....yesterday after the steamboat thing..the people were like talking and talking..alot of stuffs i never knew..and some stuff that i didnt feel like hearing...
and Kent said sumthing which really bothers me alot now..
dunno how am i going to handle this thing now..
alot of my friends are telling me to quit this job...actually i really wan to..but there are also some things i shld take into consideration..
also dunno wat i REALLY shld do..feel so messed up..
anw.played 40 cents time crisis 2 after sch..started with shawn..but he lost then sherman took over...then play till end..yay..COMPLETE!but got only 6th place in the ranking thing..too bad..
then went to Bishan to accompany Sherman look for HP shop..CANT FIND LA!!you idiot cheated me to go all the way to Bishan for nth..anw met Mata and Laoren there..
now at home playing WOW..nice game but then the private server too little ppl play already..kinda lonely at times..lol..
life is so cruel..so unfair..ppl say work hard towards ur goal..
but if i know im gonna fail.i would rather not work hard for it..cos i will regret and regret..
so now im still lost..feel so useless la..unlike last time..
i used to look forward to every new day..i always look forward to wat is gonna happen next..
life used to be so fast paced..now everything seems to have slowed down so much..haha..
then now got this stupid girl again..chatting with her was fine until for dunno wat goodness sake reason..she got horny and asked for cyber-sex..so..obviously i didnt reply her and she said i broke her heart..then i was like"DOT DOT DOT"..dunno why nowadays got so many this kind of girls...or dunno issit the same old girl again??
my msn now so full of blocked and deleted contacts...really getting messy now..really messeduppieceofshit..haha..
sian la..who will be the one who is willing to talk to me about stuffs i feel like talking about??everytime find same ppl, scared they will hear till bored or wat..
my life is like so sad la..wahaha..

lonely, im so lonely..
i have nobody..i on my own..

--
11:00 PM

wat have i done..
i really really dun understand wat happened..
i really really dun understand why this happened..
i really really dun wan this to happen..
i know its no use regretting..
im still so lost..still without an objective to live..
can sumone at least tell me wat is gonna happen next.?
i suddenly feel so fucked up..
why is that every morning i wake up i will think of her..will spend my time on the bus thinking of her..will spend my time thinking of her when im alone..
i dun understand..i know i still wanna be her friend because i still like her..
being her good friend is just an excuse to get close to her..
tell me how am i gonna LEAVE HER ALONE..
how can i dun care about her....when she used to be a part of my life??

i suddenly forgot all the bad times we had..i could only remember all the nice times we have tgt..
cos i know most of the time we were happy..
time pass very quickly when we're happy..thats why 1year 3 months ago seems like yesterday..
time flies...memories...
when will she remember the nice memories?
its so difficult to let go..im naive, childish, stubborn.......

im still as lonely.

--
5:30 PM

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

THIS THING IS SO FUNNY..haha..okay out of the 10 results..1 got 7 females and 3 males..the other 2 females that isnt shown are people i dunno..so no point putting them..lol..anw have a try..fun stuff

--
1:15 AM

Tuesday, April 03, 2007 .

hmmm...went to sch 2dae..then went to police station after lunch..
ive been suspected for some theft and needa go for investigation..
lol..
anw went to joseph's house for steamboat after sch..
nobody told me bout the plans they had..yea..so kinda feel stupid..and so left out..
watever..the people are nice people..but..yea..i have to make a choice..i decided le..
will just continue working..go to work..do my own stuff..and go home..dun really wanna bother about the stuffs happening there le..lazy and i cant go on seeing..wahaha..
anw..before going there, planned so many things to talk to her..but yea..u shld know wat was the outcome..
things NEVER go my way..
but who cares..i knw i just do good and good things will happen to me..

dunno why love come and go so easily for people..
hmm..some people usually only likes the honey-moon period of relationships..
when that kind of feeling is over..the whole thing is over..
dunno why oso..
i feel that honey-moon is the nice part of relationship..but the part after honey-moon period is EVEN better...(this is wat i think la..)
i oso dunno how to say le la..haha..

been seeing dads with daughters..lol..
can really feel their joy..
imagine a dad bringing a 4 or 5 yr old daughter to a restaurant and eat..
they play with each other, they share their food..they share their drink..
haha..feel so loving and cute at the same time..wahaha..
anw im just kidding bout the theft thing..went to police station to report my friend's lost wallet.

still as lonely.
where is my last wish

--
11:15 PM

kay.today was fine..had a slightly nice day..
forced myself to join into every single bit of fun..and finally opened my mouth to crack jokes..
to be honest, i still prefer playing around and joking with her..
those laughters and smiles of mine were authentic..
anw..tried to be noisy during training..yea it worked..everybody got happy 2dae..
this was the kind of training i used to enjoy..
but every single time i see volleyball i would think of her..
she likes volleyball..
we met because of volleyball..
alot of things between us happen around this volleyball..
but anw..i was real good 2dae..i think..lol..dont know why oso..cos 2dae got aircon?WAHAHA..=x
but then sadly nobody came to tell me..
last time she will say to me that im good im blah blah blah..lol..actually loved that
nvr really had the chance to tell her..thx for those days k..
now im kinda missing that..lol..
hmm..anw i promised myself to improve on vball..

if u see this can u promise me something??

promise me u will come watch our competition??

promise u will continue playing volleyball??

i will promise u that u will see im way better!!haha..

I MISS ALL THE FUN WE USED TO HAVE TGT!!!!!!!

I WANNA BE UR BEST FRIEND..A CLOSE FRIEND!!

i really mean it this way..i have no other intentions
i so so feel like telling u how fun the training was!!lol..

--
12:48 AM

Monday, April 02, 2007 .

i also dunno why..
after i talk to her..i feel much better..even if the outcome isnt wat i wanted..
so so weird..the more i think..the weirder it gets..
okay..so after so long..she found out that we couldnt communicate properly..
always got misunderstanding of one another..
thats one reason she told me...
then now..i wanna be a good friend to her or sumone close to her..
she also say very difficult?cos the way we communicate is different??
really so weird..dun really want to think about it..but then..just cant help it..
now she say we can only be normal friend..those really very normal kind of friend..
the:
hi-bye
sumtimes talk abit..
kind of friend..
aiya...i oso dunno wat she is thinking la..
i think for people to communicate is easy la..
just that we were tgt b4..
then we tend to think too much..and always try to read between the lines too often..
i at 1st oso dun biliv myself..
when i really start to compare..then i can see the difference..
its like when people say i wanna see u..
if its my friend who said it..i will think that that person got sumthing he need to do with me..or tell me or watever..
but if its sumone who loves me..i will think that person misses me..
aiya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im left with less than a year in singapore maybe...
and for that last few months..being friend with me oso so difficult..
being good friend or close friend with u for this period of time is my LAST WISH la..
once i go back i oso dunno when will ever come back to singapore again.
finally got the guts to say this out..i knw i always say i will stay i will stay..
but in the end i oso surely will leave singapore one rite..
u always say nobody understand u...
then tell me who will understand my this kind of situation?maybe only those foreigners la...
haha..so stupid of me..i shld have known family is always the best.
even tho communication style oso different but at least they wun give me up so easily..
dont even know if she will think twice after reading this..

as lonely as always..

--
12:29 AM

Saturday, March 31, 2007 .

felt better today..never go to work..think she replaced me bah..im so so so sorry..
she must be so tired..haiz..

spent almost the whole day lying on the bed..
really havent stopped thinking since the day we break up..
i also dunno why im thinking so much..maybe its part of growing up bah..
she...to be honest..really have grown le..
she...isnt the michelle that she used to be..
she...really have grown so so much stronger..so so much more independent le..
she...wun nid sumone like me to be with her le..
found out in this period of time..life will constantly be changing..
from seondary sch to poly life..and from poly life to working life..and stuffs like that..
every part only consist of those short number of years..
so maybe even if we dun break up now..maybe after we graduate...we'll still break up sooner or later..
i regret meeting her so early..
if i knew things will turn out this way..i wouldnt have wanted to get into relationship..
ive lost a BEST friend..
i still cant make up my mind..i really dun like to sacrifise things at all..
from young till now..ive been cherishing every single thing that i have..feel so wasted if i have to throw them away..even if i dun need them anymore..for example my computer parts bah..even tho im so sure that its already spoiled..i still keep them..i always tell myself i will surely be able to fix them up..i also dunno why..just feel that throwing away things really feel so wasted or sumthing de..
i know im weird..this explains why i dun like to have enemies bah..even tho ppl treat me badly..i will still consider them my friend..hoping they will know that i treasure them as friends..
even boxes of things that i buy..i oso dun throw them away le.....
how am i going to let go sumthing that mean so much to me..sumthing that was a part of my life???
i really hate the way i am now..why cant i just be the way i was last time..why cant i be the way i am before coming to singapore??
nobody knows how much ive changed since i come to singapore..except my parents ,my uncle and my aunt bah..
i thought ive changed for the better...its like ive changed my whole personality, my characteristics..everything..............
i shouldnt have changed..then everybody would have hated me..and i wun care either..i would be living in my own world..without caring for other people's feeling..that would have been so much easier to be..wun have so much stress too..maybe..wun even get into such deep relationship too....
this process of growing up..really so difficult mah??haiz..
so so much things i feel like saying to her...

--
11:03 PM

i really comparable to shandong mah??
when qinlang scold shandong...the words carved into my heart..
no matter wat shandong did..wat shandong said..
really cant change her heart anymore..
i know watever i say or do now..oso wun change her heart anymore..
我只知道我没有做过对不起你的事

i just dun wan to be compared with shandong!!!im not like him!!
i can give up everything for u..im not like shandong..
i wun keep pestering u..im not like shandong..
i wun confront the guy that u like..im not like shandong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dun mind being the one suffering..i dun mind suffering if u can be happy..
i love u..i dunno when will i get over this..
i found out its really so so difficult to let go sumthing that i truly love..
im naive..im childish..

--
4:43 PM

had such a good sleep..such a nice dream..
i wished i never wake up from that dream..
dreamt of her sitting beside my bed..held my hand while waiting for me to wake up..
woke up in my dream and she hugged me..how much i wished it was true..how much i wish i wont wake up from that dream..
when i really woke up..saw my room was empty..i searched the whole house for her..hoping the dream was true..in the end.. haiz..
do dreams ever come true??

--
2:44 PM

people thought we were the most loving couple on earth ever..
i thought i was the most fortunate guy on earth..
she used to tell me she was the most fortunate girl on earth too..
why people can get married for so long..and will never divorce no matter wat happen..
why some people can give up on relationship so easily..
relationship nowadays really so blunt??
she used to say she will wait for me if i go back to indo..
i promised her i will come back for her no matter wat happens..
all those promises and all those stuffs we said..

no such thing as love forever?
only friends forever?

--
2:04 PM

why??why u dont need my care??
u know how worried am i when i found out that ure not feeling well??
u know how much i want to take care of u??u know i so so so so feel like buying medicine for u mah??u know how much i wan u to be ok mah??
u know i scared ur sickness will get worse mah???why??why cant u at least let me take care of u..
seeing u like this but i cant do anything...it really feels so so bad!!haiz...

--
12:55 AM

Friday, March 30, 2007 .

why do i even fall sick..im missing her more than ever..
can still remember so clearly..the last time i was sick..
she was wearing the orange mizuno shirt, the purple billabong pants..
she brought me to see doctor..came to my house and sat beside me..hoping i would recover soon...
she fed me with porridge..helped me get up to drink water...really really so grateful that she took care of me...
haiz..everything was in the past..wat can i ever do to make things go back to how it used to be??
i miss her so much..

--
9:44 PM

after fighting for so long..
after holding on for so long..
my body finally gave up..
felt aches at joints..
everything that brushed my bare skin felt like sandpaper..
teenee weenee bit of wind made me shiver like hell..
my face could feel the warmness of my breath
didnt even have the strength to hold few cups water..
yea..i guess im falling sick..
nobody will take care of me anw..
so wat?its just fever..

work today..met her..everything feels different from how it used to be..
felt like we're miles apart..i hate this kind of feeling..wat can i do??
i hate myself.

everytime i see ur back view..
my chest felt cold..
all those surprises that i used to give u from the back..misses.
everytime i see ur hand..
my arm felt cold..
all those times where u used to rub my arm..misses..
everytime i see u..
i feel so uneasy..
imagining how it will feel if i can hold u in my arms and shed my tears..
i felt love..im missing love..im missing you..

--
12:13 AM

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 .

hai..think alot alot alot of things when watching corner with love..
was i really sucha lousy boyfriend to u mah?haiz..
my care to u really so little mah?have i really been so bad to u mah?
haiz..u havent had good time with me mah?
we really unsuitable at all mah?we really were trying too hard mah?
u really letting go the relationship we had mah?after we've been thru so much?
do u know that my love for u is true mah?my love for u really cant be felt mah?
i know wat u wanted was care and not money..
haiz..i really dunno how to express my feelings to u.
at that period of time i was having my exam..
i really dun wan my parents to be disappointed in me..i want to have a good result
but at the same time, i wanted to show u how much i cared, worried, and loved u....
i asked too much of myself..i wanted everyone to be happy..i want u to be happy..
i wan us to lead a life without much care of money..i wanted u to enjoy ur every single meal every day..have good lunch, good dinner..
thats why i went to work..i didnt wan to take money from my parents to spend them on u..
business at indo has been super bad..for almost strait 4 or 5 months..my parents havent had any business to do..we were spending on savings..haiz..its really very bad..
i promised my parents that i will take over their company and make it even better..i dun wan to disappoint them..and i dun wan to disappoint u too..i dun wan to disappoint anybody anymore..
i just want everybody around me to have a good life..im sorry if im trying too hard to be perfect.
haiz..
at that period of time before exams..ive been choosing to go study with my friend..choosing to be with my friends..haiz..i didt do that because i dun wan to be with u..if i could choose i would choose to be with u forever..but..i cant choose..the truth is that i will be going diff way with my friends already..i wun be seeing them much le..after the exams, they are going for attachment..while im in school doing my FYP..haiz..
at the same time..i wanted to show u that i trust u..wanted u to go out with ur friends too..haiz..
u know mah?after u went to the ELDC chalet, u were so happy..seeing u so happy really makes me feel that even by seeing u happy with ur friends, i will be happy..then i thought why last time i get jealous so easily..i really wanted to show u that i trusted u..
i know there are alot of things that i did without telling u the reason..
alot of things i was planning so that u will be happy when u get the surprise..
i really loved giving u surprises..the shocked but happy look on ur face..really makes my day..
haiz..some things i didnt tell u were because i didnt want u to worry for me..like my family stuff.. cause i know if i tell u..u surely be very worried..might even not sleep at all..haiz..
i know after saying so much..it wun help much bah..
爱如果是用抢的就没有意义了
haiz...i really really really really miss u alot..

--
8:00 PM

该忘了你对不对

打印预览大雨过后的眼泪
挂在充满回忆的橱窗
我却不想忘以往
那些心碎的心创
记忆是一个行囊
陪伴着我到世界流浪
我让悲伤都装上翅膀
再见了就不能倔强
该忘了你对不对
怕自己无法面对
无怨无悔
把一切留给纪念
受过沉默的创伤
它会慢慢被岁月
一片片填满
渐渐就习惯不再想
忘记曾经最痛的地方该忘了你对不对
我应该坚强面对
学会遗忘
不能像爱的挣扎
记忆会为我收藏
那些美丽时光
为爱付出过的力量
带着爱去寻找
幸福的希望

--
4:51 PM

action speaks louder than words..
but i dun even have the chance to act it out..
all i can do is say say say say say say say say say say and say....i hate life

--
1:37 AM

it feels as tho everythig happened just yesterday..
i can still feel my worries for her when she is out so late..
i can still feel everything..

how much more can i regret..after being thru so much..
haiz..lucky i dun have the courage to jump down a building.................................

this hurts so much..i wan to be happy..i wan to do things that i wan to do..
on the contrary, i dun wan her to be unhappy..
wat can i do??
let her be happy..
do wat she wans me to do..
dont interfere with her life anymore..
this kills...i hate to be a pisces..

--
1:26 AM

i wish im blind..
so that i wun see anything that is happening around me..
i wish im deaf...
so that i wun hear anything that i wun want to hear...
i wish im mute...
so that i wun say anything..

cos even if i say..even if i explain..even if i describe..nobody will understand..
how hurting it is to breathe this air..
how hurting it is to see happiness..
how hurting it is to hear laughter..

maybe i shld consider going back to indo soon..
as soon as possible..so that i can leave everything behind in singapore..
leave everything that will remind me of the past..
so that i can start a new life there..there are people who truly appreciate me there..

nobody will care anyway

--
12:56 AM

its just hurts even more and more.
i hate life.

--
12:19 AM

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 .

end work le mah?
how was work?busy mah?
careful on ur way home k..

--
11:23 PM

she shld be working now i think..
been not contacting her for afew days..
dunno how she's been..everything shld be going fine for her..

misses

--
8:47 PM

haiz..
2nd day of week 4..
hmm..haiz..
wonder how is she doing..wonder where is she..wonder wonder wonder..
so feel like holding her in my arms..and say i love her into her ear a million times..
haiz..
hope everything's going fine for her..

when the person loves u..a simple 3 words is enough.."i love you"
when the person doesnt love u..things u do will slowly get her heart..
when the person hates u..all u can do is to keep a distance and let her do wat she wans..i hate myself.

--
12:42 PM

Monday, March 26, 2007 .

hmmmmmmm...
i dun like lonely nights..
i hate lonely nights..
every single night..i toss and turn..
thinking of every possibilities..
thinking of every single thing that i can do..
will fall asleep in a sudden..weird..
the next thing i know is hearing my phone's alarm..
i dun like lonely morning..
i hate lonely morning..
every single morning when i wake up..
i tend to check my phone..
hoping there will be a call or sms..
nope..there isnt any..
i miss her..
3 weeks le..and its the starting of the 4th week..
dunno how long more im going to miss her..
hope she is happy...sorry if u sneeze alot..=x

--
2:59 PM

Sunday, March 25, 2007 .

hai..her work shld end le..
just wanna say careful on ur way home..i miss u.

--
11:23 PM

seeing her so happy..
i dunno to be happy or to be sad..
regret is only wat i can do..
there's absolutely nothing i can think of to make her love me again..
N-O-T-H-I-N-G..
but why wont i just forget it..
i dun understand myself..
why cant something hard hit my head and make me forget about her..
can see she already starting to let me go out of her head..
wun even think of me anymore i shld say..
maybe if she dun see me..
she wun even remember me anymore..
shld i quit....................................................................
or not.........................................................................
i think i should..go find another job..
i hate myself so much..
trust me..i really am trying to get over her..
i tried looking at other girls..they look back at me..but wat do i feel?
i feel absolutely nothing..wat i can think of is only her love that used to bind me..
her love that makes me feel that i can give up everything for being with her..

people say i must be strong..maybe im strong in other things..but im weak at relationship stuff..nobody's perfect correct??how i wish i can be strong in every way..

i used to think even if its the end of the world, as long as i can hold her in my arms, spend the last seconds of life tgt with her...i will be contented..
i used to think even if i die, i will still love her the next life..
saying this from the bottom of my heart..i love her..
wats the use of saying this now..everything is over..
hope that she wun see this post too..if not she will be angry again...haiz..

--
8:19 PM

hmm..buddhist believe in "ying guo" or sumthing..
ok..i believe it too..let's start doing good deeds from now on..
who knows wat will come ?
as much as i wan a good life, i wan my family to have a good life too..
next time i wan my wife my children to live the best out of their life..
i wanna be a nice person..
so..
forgive and forget..i need a calm mind..
dun let hatred take over ur mind..
treat everybody good..and they will do u good too..=)
may everyone have a good life.

--
12:28 AM

Saturday, March 24, 2007 .

its raining so heavily now..
im worrying for her..
will u get drenched?will u be cold?
ure already sick..haiz..and its so cold..
really really hope that u wun get worse..
haiz..i really dunno how to show u my care..
i wan to sms u..i wan to call u..i wan to send u home safely..
but things i do just make u feel irritated..
sorry..

--
11:20 PM

argh...........................................
why............................................
i hate life....................................
i want to keep promises........................
haiz...........................................
any way to turn back time?.....................
im begging u god...............................
give me a chance...............................
ive learnt my lesson...........................
i really love her..............................
sorry..........................................
somebody save me please........................
somebody help me please........................
i so so so so so so so so so feel like dying...
i really cant help it..........................
argh...........................................
life's meaningless without her.................
haiz...........................................
what should i do...............................
i dun wan her to hate me.......................
i dun wan her to be unhappy....................
i wan her to be happy..........................
and i wan to love her..........................
i hate this feeling so much....................
she cried for me alot..........................
maybe this is retribution......................
i dun care how hard this is gonna be...........
as long as i can love her. i will do anything..
please give me a chance god....................
just 1 is enough...............................
i will treasure it.............................
more than ever.................................
wun do wrong anymore...........................
im willing to do anything and everything.......
haiz...........................................
i feel so desperate............................
i feel so useless..............................
i feel so hopeless.............................
i hate myself..................................
i hate my life except the days with her........
im willing to give up everything...............

--
10:23 PM

i dunno who to talk to..i dunno who turn to..
i used to turn to u..i used to depend on u..
now that ure gone..i really dunno wat im going to do..
i thought i was doing fine..until i got lonely..
everytime i feel sad..the only name i can think of is michelle..
the only face i can think of is ur face..
i really really really really really really really really really really wan to love u without making u feel stressed again.
i really really really really really really really really really really am sorry..
hope u wun see this post..if not ure gonna hate me again..haiz..
sumone help me..

--
9:51 PM

argh!!!!
i feel like ksbdf ;ljknf;lsadns ng;asng;ag
why why why why why why!!!!!!!!!!
im so lonely..read her old blog posts..
realised alot of things.why didnt i realise it earlier!!
haiz..i hate myself to the core..
are promises meant to be broken?
haiz..sumone hit my head and make me forget everything..please!!
its really so argh..........................................
im sorry.

"Perfect"

Hey you look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and We can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
And now I try hard to make it I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright
Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

haiz..i dunno wat to say..i feel like saying sumthing but im afraid..
haiz..

--
9:31 PM

pathetic life i have..
where ??where ??
where are the people i need ??
i have almost absolutely nobody to turn to..
mummy!daddy! u arent even here for me!
i used to have sumone that i can share my problems with..just that 1..
since the day we chose to lead our own life..
i lost that person that i can depend on..
why am i so pathetic..
i hate being alone..
even the strongest falls..
for almost 10 years..i had the best 1 year 3 months 5 days..
now i have to start all over again..i need someone that i can depend on..haiz..
im so weak.

--
8:42 PM

Friday, March 23, 2007 .

its like a 180 degrees turn around..
its like sumone brainwashed her..
everything now is TOTALLY different..
i still cant understand wat has been done to make her this way..
omg.
my care = her irritant.
watever i do now..will only make her feel irritated..
i hate u..
i love u..
am i really so pathetic..
sumone tell me this is just a nightmare..
she dun even appreciate anything that i do now..
im a stalker to her..im an asshole to her..im a loser to her..
IM A FUCKING ASSHOLE.

--
11:43 AM

omg...
so so so so many things i feel like doing now..
u wan me to go find u now?
u need me to send u to sch 2ml?
u need me to buy breakfast for u 2ml?
omg...

--
12:46 AM

Thursday, March 22, 2007 .

sorry for not being there for u when u need me most..
sorry for scolding u when im not in a good mood..
sorry for all the tears..
sorry for not saying i love u everyday..
sorry for not protecting u..
sorry for not sending u back home everyday..
sorry for not being a good bf..
sorry for not buying a rose for u on valentine's day..
sorry for looking at other girl..
sorry for saying ure stupid..
sorry for making u quarell with ur parents..
sorry for chatting with u till late..
sorry for not waking u up every morning..
sorry for not sending u to school every morning..
sorry for not keeping my promise..
sorry for not giving u happiness..
sorry for worrying too much..
sorry for asking where are u all the time..
sorry for not giving u wat u actually want..
sorry for pestering u all the time..
sorry for not communicating properly..
sorry for being such a hot head..
sorry for being sucha weak guy..
sorry for not giving u enough love..
sorry for everything..

--
10:39 PM

dunno why nowadays like to blog so much..haha..
1 day think can post like at least twice..lol..
hmm..maybe this is the only place i can jot down my feelings and such..
tho i know nobody will be reading this blog..but who cares..i like writing to myself..
this is so silly of me..ive been like searching the net for meaning of love, the truth of love..
come to think of it, i find myself like a noob or sumthing..ppl used to call me the love doctor..omg?
i dun fit that cmon..if not i wun have problems myself..lol..
from wikipedia:
Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness. Depending on context, love can have a wide variety of intended meanings. Romantic love is seen as a deep, ineffable feeling of intense and tender attraction shared in passionate or intimate attraction and intimate interpersonal and sexual relationships. Love can also be conceived of as Platonic love,religious love, familial love, and, more casually, great affection for anything considered strongly pleasurable, desirable, or preferred, including activities and foods. This diverse range of meanings in the singular word love is often contrasted with the plurality of Greek words for love, reflecting the concept's depth, versatility, and complexity.

haha..i dun really understand actually..lol..anw this is a nice song..我想要说 by 蔡旻佑

看着右手被自虐的伤口
爱好象从今停留
而我左手按下号码之后
把所属于我的歌不再播送
默写你的爱过
坦诚自己脆弱
对白怎么说
表情才不难过
我想要说我想要说
如果没有了你
我该如何往下走
那一秒钟有没有发现我倔强里的问候
怎么叫我放手
在这一切之后

--
7:01 PM

dunno wat to say..
dunno wat to feel..
seeing her that way makes me so heartbroken..haiz..
dunno wat i can do..
dunno wat i should do..
i thought if she is happy i will be happy too..haiz..
dunno how i should react..
dunno how i will do..
am i really that bad..are we really unsuitable..haiz..
dunno when i will get over this..
dunno when everything will be back to normal..
haiz..why things have to turn out this way..

--
5:18 PM

people wan me to live life to the best..
people wan me to find another girl..
find sumone who is better than her..
maybe i agree there are girls better than her out there..
so?
she's the only one that i love..
haiz.i dunno wat to say..
people wan me to find a girl and let her know that its her loss to break up with me..
haiz..
just to tell u all, it will never happen..
i will be the one regretting not treating her well..
haiz..

--
3:37 PM

hmm..
hmmm..
hmmmm..
guess wat..met her in canteen during lunch..went to cheers and met her there again..
are we fated or wat..i dunno..aiya..anw felt a distance between me and her..and felt even more awkward with her friends around..
so so feel like saying sorry and hoping things will get back normally..but i know it wont happen..
its been my mistake of not caring enuff for her i think..haiz..maybe just before exam time, ive been spending more time with my classmates than with her..haiz..i thought she wanted time with her classmates too..and i will be like leaving my classmates for almost forever??haiz..didnt know things will turn out this way bah..aiya..i really dunno wat is wrong and wat is correct..haiz..i thought her TEP was ending..so might wanna spend time with her classmates..so, i myself oso spend more time with my classmates..ARGH..haiz..why why why..

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2:44 PM

sumtimes things that u are feeling cant be expressed into words that easily...
sumtimes when wanna do sumthing for others, u dun have the chance to..
sumtimes when i think im naive, others tell me im not..
sumtimes i really dun understand wat is the meaning of love..
sumtimes i thought buying things for others is a good way to show ur care..
sumtimes when there's sumone who worry for me, i feel being loved..
sumtimes u regret things only when u lose it..
sumtimes i think im stupid..
sumtimes u still have to smile even if u fall..

thx for the fairy tale romance..

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12:07 AM

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 .

haha..she told me that she already like that guy a lil bit just b4 we broke up..
haha..love really so fragile mah??
hope she wun even understand wat im feeling..

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9:42 PM

yea..i worry too much..i agree..
who the hell will appreciate..and why should i care..
being pisces isnt as good as i thought..
good guy or bad guy?
care too much for others..
too busybody..people just take u as a nuisance..
FUCK CARE!!argh.
(bad to use that word..but thats just how fustrated i am.)

just hope everyone will be fine..

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4:30 PM

hai..im so tired..so hopeless..
she used to love me..i love her too..
she dont love me..i still love her..
things that i was most afraid of..really have happened..
wat am i supposed to do..
i hate the truth.

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3:58 PM

life is really so unpredictable..at one moment u are enjoying things...and u will be regretting stuffs in another..
maybe promises are meant to be broken bah..used to promise to be with sumone for the rest of ur life..but..so unpredictable...u will never know wat will happen later...
things seem to get worsen every second..i dunno to think of the good way or the bad way..i hate imagining things..but i just cant help it..haiz..
life is never fair..things dont always go ur way..
haiz..i dun wanna live life with regrets..
god please give me a hint of wat is happening around me..or maybe..wat shld i do..haiz..

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2:53 PM

Tuesday, March 20, 2007 .

watched corner with love...funny show la..haha..
but it showed me sumthing..something important bah...
hmm..hmmm..yah.being rich is a good thing..can i be joker kind PLUS being rich?haiz..
i wanna be rich because it can make my loved ones happy??
haiz..money really is a big thing in life bah..i wanna earn big big money to make everyone happy!!esp the one i love..haha..hope i can get them everything they wan..
then thinking of that..i find out that life is never fair..if u get richer, there will surely be sumone else who will get poorer..hai..wah lao..cant everybody be rich??hai..

i wan everybody to be happy..

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1:22 PM

Monday, March 19, 2007 .

argh..
my mind is like in a mess right now..
watever i do now also wrong..i really dunno wat im gonna do..its like..even after this break-up..we're still having tons of misunderstandings..i do things which i thought was ok, but to her it means sumthing else...im really learning from this..ppl say she changed le..but to me she is just the same old one..just that some of her feelings is different..i dunno how to express my feelings into words..hmm..
wat mata told me was like so true..when u want to be with sumone, u not only have to love that person..but responsibility and much more will come...omg..haiz..
i really have accepted the fact that she doesnt love me anymore..i already accepted the fact that she likes sumone else..haiz..i really dunno how to say this..
argh..so fan..
we're really not suitable for each other now bah..but mata told me one thing.."its really sweet for 2 ppl who isnt suitable to try to be.."after all we have gone thru a year plus..its really not so easy to let go just like that..argh...................stupid..i have so many things i wanna say..but im just afraid that she will get fed up again...and if i dun say out..she oso will fan..aiya..its like really so messy now..all my fault..

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2:57 PM

Sunday, March 18, 2007 .

just watched ren ci charity show...saw all the videos of the patients..really felt like crying...so kelian..hai..
then i saw 1 video..was so so so sad..
got this kid..her mum got the sickness then get weaker and weaker..now dun even have the strength to walk..even talking looked tiring for her too..1/2 a year after her mum got into the hospital..her dad pass away because of an accident..haiz..then alot of thoughts came into my mind..

i now realise..the love i have now isnt like wat i had 1 year back..isnt the kind of love whereby u wanna "spend the rest of ur life tgt " that kind of love..i suddenly felt the responsibility..i know saying this might be a lil bit stupid..but i just dunno how to express it..its like..im asking myself.."will i be there for her when sumthing like that happens.."i promis myself that i will..i will always be there for her when she needs sumone..hai..i know 1 day u will be reading this..its not like i wanna get ur sympathy or wat...

i just wanna tell u the same thing again..."i wanna take care of u..i wan to be responsible of u and i will protect u...even if i die..i will be an angel that will watch by u..."

my love for u is true.haiz

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9:17 PM

Friday, March 16, 2007 .

guess wat..haha..i wake up late again..hmm..sian..
hmmm.had a bad bad nightmare..the next thing i know i was crying when i wake up..lol..this is the 1st time im like this i think..lol..dunno why oso...its just a nightmare anw..so i didnt really care about it now..anw..yesterday go work..so tiring..2dae have to go work again..saturday and sunday oso..OMG..so so tiring..haha..oops..i needa g back do my project le..

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1:51 PM

Thursday, March 15, 2007 .

i dunno wat to say now..i dunno wat to do now..wat i only know is that i have to give up and move on..maybe that will make her feel much better..not having me to "HOLD" on to her..when i thought my 1sided love can make myself feel better..i didnt know that all i did can cause so much unhappiness for her..there are alot of things that i dont know bah..i hope she understands..im really sorry..seeing u so fan in the webcam really make me feel so bad..hai..i thought u have cooled down alot le..thats why i will say..im just saying wat i feel..i just wanna be honest with u..may we be the best of memories bah..
"friends forever" is really hard to get too..its like after poly life, we'll be on our seperate way..whether are we gonna meet up next time or not, its very difficult to say..so why not enjoy this one last year being in the same poly tgt now..
things that u cant get are usually the best..
lets just everything to fate..and let nature take its own course..

i give up.doesnt mean i dun love u.

i will try my best to let go.

smiles k?

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8:48 AM

Wednesday, March 14, 2007 .

got this from mayday's song..i sort of like translate it into english..
"u're just like an angel to me...that i can depend on...that gives me strength..."
really meaningful sentence to me..
aku cinta kamu.=)

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1:10 PM

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 .

haha..i know i went to cheers on purpose just to see u for that few minutes..but it was worthed it..haha..saw u smiling when u see me there..and im like "yay!!"lol..
like the feeling of seeing ur loved one smile..=)

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5:01 PM

i asked myself this question few days back..
do i love u because u are beautiful..or are u beautiful because i love u??haiz..i know there are things that i say now doesnt do much..maybe wat i have to do is wait..there are so many possible outcome of this break-up..
im so so afraid that we cant be friends anymore because there are like so many ppl out there who breaks up and moved on with their own life without really caring about the other party's life..im sorry but im just afraid.
feel like dedicating hen xiang shuo by li shen jie to her..
the feeling i had when she hugged me..the feeling i had when she wanted my attention..the so much feeling i had with her..really unbelievable..no one have ever gave me that kind of feeling..for me, life's never complete without love..where can i ever find sumone like her.

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2:11 PM

she said..if i could be like this earlier..she would have loved me even more..haiz..hearing this really feels like a stab in the heart..i really dunno why i couldnt be like this earlier..i really am trying to change for her..its like...haiz..
when u went for the chalet..if it was the old old me..i would have been so jealous..but when u said u going for the ELDC chalet..i controlled myself..i knw u wanna have fun with ur frens..and i didnt mind u staying over that night too..but u said ur stomach wasnt feeling good..then so late at night ..haiz..so so many things i was worrying..by the time u reached home, i was like "PHEW"..really very relieved.haiz..after seeing ur blog with all those photos..i really was very happy..my effort of not getting jealous have made u so happy..and i liked the feeling of seeing u so happy..
even if u said u are going out with ur frens.i already wun be like last time like that..haiz..
i dunno wat shld i say again..just hoping she will be happy..

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11:47 AM

Monday, March 12, 2007 .

been dreaming nowadays..it feels so real when i wake up..i could even smile to myself..haha..im so weird..at this time im writing this post..wat i can think of is her captivating smile..=)..i still can see her smile.see her beautiful face.hear her soothing voice..haha.its the kind of voice that calms me down.a voice that makes me wanna listen more...and another minute later i could feel her wounded heart..so many things have happened..
(n3no7I)-but this will always stay.

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2:27 PM

Friday, March 09, 2007 .

haiz..not interacting with her for the whole day really kills me..hmm..im bored with the FYP stuff..haiz..if only we were still..haiz..she will surely be encouraging me every single moment .. haiz...i still cant biliv why i did those things..haiz.

1 sec feels like 1 month..1min 1 year..1 hour=FOREVER

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3:54 PM

does wishes that are made on ur birthdy come true??..
i now have made a wish..and i cant tell anybody bout it..cos ppl say wish will not come true if its said out..but i guess u shld knw wat it is..

hope she eats her lunch b4 work

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10:03 AM

anw..i got her sms yesterday wishing me a hppy birthday..was kinda short..but certainly it makes my day way better..=).
thx for theppl who wished me birthday too..esp meiru, renhao and his friends for accompanying me yesterday..yea..
5thday of FYP..5th day of missing her.

--
9:19 AM

Thursday, March 08, 2007 .

lol.after lunch today felt so sian so wanted to chat with her..i called her at 1.28..talk for 15 secs then she wanna cross road so must wait 1st..haha..she called back and i told her i call her cos she got free incoming call..hmmm..her last month phone bill 100++..omg..haiz..shld be becos of me bah..haiz..all myfault..i wanna help her pay ..but she dun wan, then now she keep going to work cos she need money..haiz..last time 2 person work better she no nid so tired..haiz..
anw..i called back and talked for 1min 31 secs and phone hang up..lol..then i call again..this time round talk for 10mins50 secs!!almost 11 min le..then hang up again
i called back...since she hand tired le then hang up bah..talk to her for so long realy so nice de..im feeling so much better now..

--
1:55 PM

haiz..really so bored until i dunno wat to do but to blog..
i so so so feel like talking to her rite now..
this year's birthday really gonna be so different..feel so unloved..so sad..cos like nobdy remember's my birthday??haha..even the only person that used to "SURE" remember also cant celebrate it with me..guess i really deserved to be like this??
u knw?last time nobody will really remember my birthday actually..and nobody will really care to organize sumthing for me...even the vballers..haiz..im really so so sad..but last year i got sumone who is so willing so wanna spend the time with me..and maybe i shld say this year also used to have..but not anymore..haha..watever...just see wats gonna happen..but i shant hope for too much..if not i will disappoint myself..
guess wat my friend said is really true..
"the best thing that can happen in ur life is to love and being loved.."
so so so many things i that im feeling inside..just doesnt know how to put in into words..haha..haiz..
lika hole in my heart..haha..i think?lol..guess i have to improve my english..=x

--
9:26 AM

yea..its the 4th day of everything new..haiz..

i guess ireally have to accept that we just can be friends right now..hmm.yea i know this is kinda stupid..but i really hope i can have my own group on her msn..she told me we can have as much fun being friends..i really hope so too..hope she wun hold back anything..just wanna let her know that she still have this friend who cares her more than other people do..i will always be available for anything..chat , shopping , lunch, dinner or even supper..simply everything..yea?

this blog is kinda like dedicated to you

the place where i wanna let you know what im thinking.

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9:00 AM

Wednesday, March 07, 2007 .

my 2nd post of the day..
okay then..i shall dun make u worry too much..for now we just be friends..for future..i dunno..maybe we can be tgt..maybe we canot..maybe u will have sumone u like...
i knw ive been saying this to myself for like almost 100 times per day..just to remind myself to be strong..if i were really to wan to try again..i will need strength too rite..i canot always think that things are always going in my way..

last hope*

--
11:00 AM

haiz..guess i was really tired yesterday..the moment i lie down on my bed i fell asleep..saw a sms in the morning thinking it might be yawen telling me that she is back home safely..but it was her..i really felt so good when i see her msg..
she told me to take care of myself..haiz..
i really wish she could take care of me.just like last time..but i really dun feel hungry or feel like eating anything yet.haiz..i wish everything to back to how it used to be..i really have regretted all the nasty stuff that i did.haiz..if i have the chance of changing her mind..i woul do anything for her..

imissu*

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8:43 AM

Tuesday, March 06, 2007 .

haiz..guess i really shldnt have said those when i meet her..
im so stupid..i shld calm downnnn...i shldnt rush things..haiz..i really dun wan to crush everything..haiz..hope she reads this..cos i really didnt mean to make her feel this way..im so sorry..

--
2:44 PM

im randomly reading her blog posts...i saw this post and my heart felt an itch too..haiz..when can we be abck like this..

Your sent-wrongly sms woke me up.
Telling me you sent wrongly cuz you're used to sending me.
I, also, am used in getting your "wake-up-sms".
Your sms was bleak.
And my tear glands started to activate.
I replied you to forget about whatever had past on the night before.
And I really mean it.
You replied saying you're so sorry about what had happened.
I replied that I'm not that petty.
But today I read your blog.
I don't know whether is that the "latest" update.
But reading it, makes my tear glands itchy again.
I just wanna tell you that I don't want this thing to affect us.
I Love You is for real.
Although this thing had happened.
But I don't really care.
All i know is that I really love you.
Dear, don't think about this thing anymore ok?
I trust you.
Once again before i end,
Dear I really really really love you.....

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12:53 PM

haiz..
anw..doing my fyp thingy now.so bored...so decided to blog!.haha.how rare issit of me to blog..
haiz.."people take things for granted when they have it" thats what meir told me..and i really agree..haiz..and i regreted being that way..this is really a big time punishment for me...its a bit selfish of me to do this..but..i really cant do without her..when i thought i could...
she's been the best thing god gave me ever..and i will treasure her from now on..
she said she will try to accept me again..which is really a golden opportunity for me..i swear im not gonna screw up this time..
im sure i can make things happen again.i have to!!
meiru i will need ur lucky star!!haha..
◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦◦∞∞★∞∞◦

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12:38 PM

Monday, March 05, 2007 .

November 30th 2005 - march 4th 2007
it ends here..maybe will be lonely for awhile

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12:35 AM

Sunday, March 04, 2007 .

hmm..i dunno wat should i say..
been so much mistakes that i made..and maybe choosing another path is the best way.
looking back at times i enjoyed..i suddenly found out that i missed my friends on my priority list.
just when im starting to blend into my class, year 2 ends.which will mean we will part..
yea..maybe i was stupid to waste so much time on a relationship that comes to nothing..and maybe i just lost 1 talking partner..just have to find one whom i can really talk to comfortably..haha..time to go out and hunt.heehee...
maybe after poly i shld really go back to indo.im fated to..=P

--
11:13 PM

UNDER

CONSTRUCTION.

lol..think nobody will be reading this blog..but who cares..lol..making a new blog is like making a start of a new path of life..lalala

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10:40 PM